Man 'freaks out' over wife's 'not serious' excuse for cheating, 'who books a hotel just to chat?'
"AITA for freaking out over my wife's 'not serious' cheating excuse?"
So, I (31M) have been married to my wife (30F), let's call her Jess, for 3 years. Everything was pretty normal until recently when I caught her in a lie that's made me question everything.
Jess has been super secretive with her phone lately, always taking it to the bathroom, sleeping with it under her pillow, you know the drill. I confronted her, and she said it was just work stuff, but her tone was off.
I found a hotel receipt in her purse. When I asked, she said it was for a work retreat. But then, I saw a text from a guy on her phone saying something like "Can't wait for next time." When I asked about it, she got defensive, saying it was just a friend and nothing happened.
She admitted to meeting up with this guy but said it was "not serious." Like, she actually used those words. She claimed they just talked, but come on, who books a hotel room just to chat? I lost it. I called her out for being so dumb to think I'd believe that. I mean, "not serious?" Really? I'm questioning if I even know this woman.
Now, here's where I might be the AH: I yelled at her. Like, really yelled. Said some stuff I probably shouldn't have, like calling her a liar and saying I was stupid for marrying someone so naive or deceitful. I told her family. In the heat of the moment, I called her sister and spilled everything.
Jess was mortified, and now her family's involved. I'm thinking about divorce. I love her, but this whole "not serious" excuse has me doubting everything. Jess says I'm the ahole and overreacting.
She insists it was just a conversation, nothing more, and that I'm blowing this out of proportion. So, AITA for yelling and saying harsh things in the heat of the moment, involving her family, and considering divorce over what she claims was "not serious?"
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
JJQuantum said:
NTA. She is cheating and gaslighting the f out of you. If it’s nothing then she wouldn’t be so secretive with her phone. You can hire a private detective to find out what’s up if you want but it might be better to just divorce and move on.
FearlessGate188 said:
NTA. She slept with him. Are you really that naive? Divorce her.
Bigtiddybel said:
NTA. You found evidence of your wife Jess’s affair, including a hotel receipt and a suspicious text. When you confronted her, she minimized it as “not serious,” which fueled your anger.
You yelled, called her names, and told her family, which has now escalated the situation. Jess feels you're overreacting and that your response was harsh. While your reaction is understandable given the betrayal, it might seem extreme to her.
Cutielolaa said:
NTA. It’s understandable that you’re feeling hurt and betrayed given Jess’s secretive behavior and the suspicious hotel receipt. Her downplaying the situation as “not serious” likely feels dismissive and has shaken your trust.
While your reaction—yelling, name-calling, and involving her family—reflects your deep pain, it may have added to the conflict. Apologizing for these actions and seeking counseling could help you both address the issues and decide if the relationship is worth salvaging.
Con4America said:
NTA. You need to leave. If you stay, she will do it again. Why waste time and maybe even have kids with a cheater who you will never be enough for? Do you really want to be second, third, or fourth place? It will be one of the most difficult things you do in life but walk away now. The longer you wait, the worse it will hurt. The sooner you leave, the sooner you can heal.
Choice_Document1364 said:
NTA. You’re right. Nobody gets a hotel room “just to talk.” She’s cheating on you and deserves to be called out on it. You did good bringing the family into it so she can’t control the narrative as easily. Time to let her go be “not serious” with this guy, and you go find someone who will love you the way you deserve.