'AITA for leaving my pregnant wife because she tricked me?'
"AITA for leaving my pregnant wife because she tricked me?"
janitorcanister writes:
My wife wanted a third child, but I didn't; we had agreed on having two. Suddenly, she became pregnant, and despite my protests, she decided to keep the baby. This led to numerous fights, and eventually, she left for her sister's house.
During their dispute, her sister revealed to me that my wife had intentionally stopped using birth control. She showed me messages where they had planned the pregnancy because I was unwilling to have a third child.
After my initial shock wore off, anger consumed me. I confronted my wife, and after initially denying it, she confessed. I sought legal advice and served her with divorce papers.
I was concerned about divorcing her while she was pregnant, but thankfully, it's permissible in my state. She's currently seven months pregnant, so I requested a court date six months from now, believing she'll be sufficiently recovered to attend.
I informed my wife that I wouldn't support her during her pregnancy or childbirth—I wouldn't drive her, feed her, help her, or be present during labor. I made it clear that I wanted nothing to do with the baby she wanted; she could care for him alone. I contacted her sister to provide support, as I refused to do anything for her. Fortunately, her sister agreed to help.
I obtained emergency temporary custody of our two children, but I'm willing to consider 50-50 custody once my wife has recovered from childbirth and can properly care for herself and the kids.
During a video call, I offered my wife the option of adoption, and I agreed to sign my consent. However, she declined. When her mother threatened me with child support, I warned her that I would deduct it from the college fund contributions for our two existing children. I believe if my wife wanted the child, she should take full financial responsibility for him.
Despite my wife's pleas for forgiveness and apologies, I don't feel bad about my decision. I feel no remorse; I didn't encourage her to stop using birth control, and I am utterly disgusted by what she did.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Those poor kids.
imothro says:
NTA. That's one of those betrayals of trust that any marriage would have a difficult, if not impossible, time coming back from. Your wife lied to you in an extreme, EXTREME way that impacts not only your lives, but the life that she created unilaterally in this process.
If it were me in the situation, I would leave my spouse in this situation also. There are some things you just can't come back from. The one thing I have a problem with is taking child support from your other children's college funds. Punishing your children for the sins of their mother is not okay and does not make sense. I realize you're traumatized, but get some therapy and get your head on straight.
sassychubzilla says:
Ooh it's going to be difficult. You still have an obligation to care for the child. Dang I'm sorry it went down like this. Get a vasectomy if you can. It's the only surefire way to not get someone pregnant. NTA. The betrayal is next level here.
Extensions_Pay8521 says:
Can I ask if you were dead set on no more kids, why didn’t you get a vasectomy? It’s all very sad your wife betrayed your trust and made a decision behind your back, but you did have the option of vasectomy if you were the one so vehemently against a third child.
alwaysright12 says:
What steps were you taking to prevent pregnancy if you knew you absolutely didn't want more and knew she did? Your wife is absolutely in the wrong and has betrayed you, so NTA for wanting a divorce. YTA for not taking any responsibility for your own contraception.
What do you think?