My wife wanted a third child, but I didn't; we had agreed on having two. Suddenly, she became pregnant, and despite my protests, she decided to keep the baby. This led to numerous fights, and eventually, she left for her sister's house.
During their dispute, her sister revealed to me that my wife had intentionally stopped using birth control. She showed me messages where they had planned the pregnancy because I was unwilling to have a third child.
After my initial shock wore off, anger consumed me. I confronted my wife, and after initially denying it, she confessed. I sought legal advice and served her with divorce papers.
I was concerned about divorcing her while she was pregnant, but thankfully, it's permissible in my state. She's currently seven months pregnant, so I requested a court date six months from now, believing she'll be sufficiently recovered to attend.
I informed my wife that I wouldn't support her during her pregnancy or childbirth—I wouldn't drive her, feed her, help her, or be present during labor. I made it clear that I wanted nothing to do with the baby she wanted; she could care for him alone. I contacted her sister to provide support, as I refused to do anything for her. Fortunately, her sister agreed to help.
I obtained emergency temporary custody of our two children, but I'm willing to consider 50-50 custody once my wife has recovered from childbirth and can properly care for herself and the kids.
During a video call, I offered my wife the option of adoption, and I agreed to sign my consent. However, she declined. When her mother threatened me with child support, I warned her that I would deduct it from the college fund contributions for our two existing children. I believe if my wife wanted the child, she should take full financial responsibility for him.
Despite my wife's pleas for forgiveness and apologies, I don't feel bad about my decision. I feel no remorse; I didn't encourage her to stop using birth control, and I am utterly disgusted by what she did.
Here are some of the top comments:
NTA (Not the A%#!ole) for divorcing your wife and never trusting her etc etc. YTA (You're the A^&*ole) for your plans regarding the baby. All I can see is the life that poor child is going to have watching their older siblings have a fantastic dad and love while knowing their whole life they are unwanted by that same father and unloved.
I know that is ultimately the mothers fault for her despicable actions but you do have the opportunity to be better than her and provide the child with the love and care it will not get from the mother.
With her behaviour already so despicable she will likely blame the baby for everything and thus the child will be raised without the love of a fathers their siblings get and with the blame of the situation placed on them by the horrible mother. Please reconsider your position on that poor innocent baby.
NTA. That's one of those betrayals of trust that any marriage would have a difficult, if not impossible, time coming back from. Your wife lied to you in an extreme, EXTREME way that impacts not only your lives, but the life that she created unilaterally in this process.
If it were me in the situation, I would leave my spouse in this situation also. There are some things you just can't come back from. The one thing I have a problem with is taking child support from your other children's college funds. Punishing your children for the sins of their mother is not okay and does not make sense. I realize you're traumatized, but get some therapy and get your head on straight.
Ooh it's going to be difficult. You still have an obligation to care for the child. Dang I'm sorry it went down like this. Get a vasectomy if you can. It's the only surefire way to not get someone pregnant. NTA. The betrayal is next level here.
Can I ask if you were dead set on no more kids, why didn’t you get a vasectomy? It’s all very sad your wife betrayed your trust and made a decision behind your back, but you did have the option of vasectomy if you were the one so vehemently against a third child.
What steps were you taking to prevent pregnancy if you knew you absolutely didn't want more and knew she did? Your wife is absolutely in the wrong and has betrayed you, so NTA for wanting a divorce. YTA for not taking any responsibility for your own contraception.
What do you think? Is OP right to serve his wife divorce papers?