Man gives high school sweetheart wife 3 choices for what to do about stepson. AITA?
"AITA for giving my wife three options?"
So let me start out by giving you all a little history of my wife [39] and I [38]. We were high school sweethearts, but ultimately I broke it off with her because our lives at that were going in opposite directions. I was laser-focused on sports and higher education and she wanted to party with friends.
Fast forward about 20 years and I am back in our home town visiting my family and I run into her working at the local Walmart, we exchange pleasantries and make a plan to meet for a dinner to catch up. Well everything goes well and we talk well into the night and it feels like we've been friends forever even though we haven't talk for about 15 years.
So we decide to start dating but we live 1200 miles apart. So I would fly her down to my place about every other month for a week or so for a year and a half. Then we start talking about her moving here. Well here's where things start to get complicated. She has a young son.
Yes the father does spend a little time here and there with his son but very little. When his son goes over there his father mostly just plays video games and his son watches. The father works very part time under the table and pays for nothing for his son and pays no child support.
So eventually my girlfriend at that time moves in with me and the father of their son agrees to let her bring their son. We have never kept his son from him. I have also flown the father here multiple times so he can spend time with his son. We sent his son up to stay with him over the summer last year when school was out.
Now to the crux of it all. The father has recently moved to the town that we live in to be closer to his son which I don't mind except for the fact that we live in an expensive area. The father finds a room to rent from someone and has found a job working about 20 hours a week.
He refuses to buy a car and is constantly calling my wife for rides. When he wants to see their son my wife has to drive him over to his house and then go pick him up later. Some days when he's off work he magically ends up at our house and we feed him and all of that.
So it gets to the point where I feel like I am supporting this man because my wife is a stay at home wife, so I am 100% of the home's financial income. I have addressed this multiple times with my wife and she just says "I know but he's "son's" father and I don't want "son" to miss out on having a father," which I get but I don't think I should be the one supporting him.
So last night I talked to my wife again about the situation and I basically gave her three options. I told her she needs to talk to him and let him know that she's not going to be driving him around everywhere and he's not going to be eating at our house three nights a week and hanging out at our house.
I offered to talk to him but she declined me talking to him. Then I told her that the second option is her getting a job so she could spend her money on him. This is when she started to get mad and said I was being financially controlling. So I responded by telling her that her third option would be a divorce.
I never yelled or even got upset. I'm just to the point where I'm not going to be supporting the father because he utterly refuses to do anything with his life. I love my wife and stepson but I just think that is asking too much.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
JMLegend22 said:
NTA. If you are looking to adopt a 35 year old I’m available though. You went above and beyond too long. Tell her he’s a man and needs to provide for his child.
Ambroisie_Cy said:
You pay for your wife's lifestyle. You pay for her kid. You pay for her ex. When you bring up to her that it would be a good solution to either talk to her ex or find a part time job so she can pay for him instead of you, she says you are financially controlling? DUDE!!!!
Adept_Ad_473 said:
Lmfao, sounds like you married the baby daddy. NTA If you want to be really bad, hire a PI to collect evidence that he's working, then go to family court and ask for an order of support.
snootgoo said:
NTA. Stick to your guns. Go talk to him yourself, and if she has a problem with it, she can go to him and stay there.
c*ckityp*ssy said:
NTA - but I feel the two of them had this planned, where they will happily mooch off you.
Tlns4d said:
NTA but you brought this mess into your own life all by yourself. Hindsight is 20/20 just saying.