'AITA for giving everything to my oldest so that my future wife and her kids won't get anything?'
"AITA for giving everything to my oldest so that my future wife and her kids won't get anything?"
My late wife passed away 3 years ago. She did not have a will and our daughter(F18) and I both inherited half of everything. I always knew that my wife planned to leave everything to our daughter but she died young and suddenly and didn't get a chance to write a will.
I met my fiancee 1.5 years ago and we got engaged 2 months ago. Before getting engaged I gave everything that I inherited from my late wife to my daughter because I feel like this is her right. My late wife would have never wanted another woman and kids to inherit what she worked for.
Well my fiancee recently found out and is very mad at me. She thinks I'm an asshole and whatever I had should belong to all the kids( She has a 17yo daughter and we are planning to have a kid together). AITA?
Let's see what readers thought. They were torn!
chaarct3er4b writes:
NTA. The money wasn't from your parents or winning the lottery. It was something your late wife earned. If I was engaged to someone new, I wouldn’t want my kids to take another kid's inheritance, especially if it was from their mother. To me, that is a big flag.
Your fiance is a big AH for thinking she and her kids are entitled to anything that you had before marriage. Be careful and ensure you protect your assets, OP, especially before a baby is involved.
Worried about her true intentions and how she would treat your daughter if something happened to you. ( i.e. demand your daughter give her things that you wanted your daughter to have).
facegg writes:
I'm going against the grain with everyone one this. YTA. You're specifically getting rid of your money before you get married so that your future wife won't have access to it. It's not your ex-wife's money. It's YOUR money, let's be clear.
You are starting a new life with this woman, and while you're planning your life together you go behind her back and give away your money. Before I got married, my wife knew what I had (finances, assets, etc.) and I knew what she had. That's HOW we were able to plan our life together.
I feel like you're framing this "new wife" (for lack of a better term) as a money grubber, but it seems like you're leaving out a lot. Why did you not tell her what you were going to do? Why not just get a prenup? What do you mean when you say "what my wife worked for"? Were you there when she was making this money, or did you marry someone rich?
Also, you assume that your ex-wife wouldn't want a new woman to have the money, but did she ever state that? Even if she did, she had no say in the matter because she's dead.
To me it seems like you don't really love and/or trust your future wife, and YOU made the decision that she shouldn't have access to the money. You're the money grubber in this situation, and I feel like you just threw away your relationship because of it.
medcomish writes:
NTA, I in fact, as a child of a parent who blew all of my money from my mother, really respect you.
But she's right to be upset. She might be a gold digger, but like, does she know how much of your financial solvency is due to your previous wife?
When people hear inheritance they think big money. She's just a fiancee, so I assume you aren't in each other's wallets yet. In which case she doesn't know if you tossed out 50% of your net worth or not.
There goes the college fund. There goes the emergency money if someone gets sick. Was the house your wife's? If so what if your daughter doesn't like 'mom' being replaced and tries to evict her?
These are just calamity scenarios, but if there's anytthing we've learned recently, calmities happen. Also, judging by how you phrased the title, I have a concern for how you comunicate, or miscominicate. "Giving everything," to your oldest sounds like you emptied out everything you own.
And, 'her kids?' You said she has one, right? I didn't misread? The future kids will be yours too.
charactercount writes:
NTA. The money wasn't from your parents or winning the lottery. It was something your late wife earned. If I was engaged to someone new, I wouldn’t want my kids to take another kid's inheritance, especially if it was from their mother. To me, that is a big flag.
Your fiance is a big AH for thinking she and her kids are entitled to anything that you had before marriage. Be careful and ensure you protect your assets, OP, especially before a baby is involved.
Worried about her true intentions and how she would treat your daughter if something happened to you. ( i.e. demand your daughter give her things that you wanted your daughter to have).
I could have understood if her complaint was that you took a major financial decision without informing her, but you are NTA for honoring your late wife's will that she tragically didn't have enough of a warning to write down.
Exactly! It's not like OP cashed in his 401K and gifted it to his daughter. He gave his daughter HER MOTHER'S estate. Any woman who wants to take a dead mother's assets for her own children when the deceased had her own child isn't worth a damn.
OP should be careful about joining his own assets with this gold digger. Not to mention that the fiance likely feels animosity towards OP's child now. Not a very pleasant situation but OP is NTA at all for his actions.
funbberry writes:
NTA. Your fiancée’s kids get to inherit from her and their father. Your daughter should inherit from you and her mom. If you and fiancée have children, those children should inherit from you and from her.
You may want to consider options to make fiancée comfortable if you pass suddenly and you’re having kids together. For instance, if you’re the breadwinner, will she be able to easily support your shared biological children if you passed?
A lot of this is just figuring out what your kids need for stability. She may feel better if she realizes she and the biological kids won’t be cut out from your inheritance and will still be financially safe and sound. There is nothing wrong with giving your daughter all her mom’s inheritance. You are comfortable without it!