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Man gives whole inheritance to his oldest daughter; 'That way my future wife and kids won't get ANYTHING.' AITA?

Man gives whole inheritance to his oldest daughter; 'That way my future wife and kids won't get ANYTHING.' AITA?

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When this man is upset with his kids, he asks the internet:

"AITA for giving everything to my oldest so that my future wife and her kids won't get anything?"

My late wife passed away 3 years ago. She did not have a will and our daughter(F18) and I both inherited half of everything. I always knew that my wife planned to leave everything to our daughter but she died young and suddenly and didn't get a chance to write a will.

I met my fiancee 1.5 years ago and we got engaged 2 months ago. Before getting engaged I gave everything that I inherited from my late wife to my daughter because I feel like this is her right. My late wife would have never wanted another woman and kids to inherit what she worked for.

Well my fiancee recently found out and is very mad at me. She thinks I'm an asshole and whatever I had should belong to all the kids( She has a 17yo daughter and we are planning to have a kid together). AITA?

Let's see what readers thought. They were torn!

chaarct3er4b writes:

NTA. The money wasn't from your parents or winning the lottery. It was something your late wife earned. If I was engaged to someone new, I wouldn’t want my kids to take another kid's inheritance, especially if it was from their mother. To me, that is a big flag.

Your fiance is a big AH for thinking she and her kids are entitled to anything that you had before marriage. Be careful and ensure you protect your assets, OP, especially before a baby is involved.

Worried about her true intentions and how she would treat your daughter if something happened to you. ( i.e. demand your daughter give her things that you wanted your daughter to have).

facegg writes:

I'm going against the grain with everyone one this. YTA. You're specifically getting rid of your money before you get married so that your future wife won't have access to it. It's not your ex-wife's money. It's YOUR money, let's be clear.

You are starting a new life with this woman, and while you're planning your life together you go behind her back and give away your money. Before I got married, my wife knew what I had (finances, assets, etc.) and I knew what she had. That's HOW we were able to plan our life together.

I feel like you're framing this "new wife" (for lack of a better term) as a money grubber, but it seems like you're leaving out a lot. Why did you not tell her what you were going to do? Why not just get a prenup? What do you mean when you say "what my wife worked for"? Were you there when she was making this money, or did you marry someone rich?

Also, you assume that your ex-wife wouldn't want a new woman to have the money, but did she ever state that? Even if she did, she had no say in the matter because she's dead.

To me it seems like you don't really love and/or trust your future wife, and YOU made the decision that she shouldn't have access to the money. You're the money grubber in this situation, and I feel like you just threw away your relationship because of it.

medcomish writes:

NTA, I in fact, as a child of a parent who blew all of my money from my mother, really respect you.

But she's right to be upset. She might be a gold digger, but like, does she know how much of your financial solvency is due to your previous wife?

When people hear inheritance they think big money. She's just a fiancee, so I assume you aren't in each other's wallets yet. In which case she doesn't know if you tossed out 50% of your net worth or not.

There goes the college fund. There goes the emergency money if someone gets sick. Was the house your wife's? If so what if your daughter doesn't like 'mom' being replaced and tries to evict her?

These are just calamity scenarios, but if there's anytthing we've learned recently, calmities happen. Also, judging by how you phrased the title, I have a concern for how you comunicate, or miscominicate. "Giving everything," to your oldest sounds like you emptied out everything you own.

And, 'her kids?' You said she has one, right? I didn't misread? The future kids will be yours too.

charactercount writes:

NTA. The money wasn't from your parents or winning the lottery. It was something your late wife earned. If I was engaged to someone new, I wouldn’t want my kids to take another kid's inheritance, especially if it was from their mother. To me, that is a big flag.

Your fiance is a big AH for thinking she and her kids are entitled to anything that you had before marriage. Be careful and ensure you protect your assets, OP, especially before a baby is involved.

Worried about her true intentions and how she would treat your daughter if something happened to you. ( i.e. demand your daughter give her things that you wanted your daughter to have).

naturevividpic writes:

NTA. Yeah you better make a will like now especially if you do marry her. You can leave her what you want to leave her and leave your child what you want to leave them.

I mean you can have certain accounts that have beneficiaries and make your daughter the beneficiary of some and make your wife the beneficiary of others and that way it seemlessly transfers to them on your death.

Though I think if you have a 401k you won't have a choice Most states I think make it automatic thing it goes to the wife and if you want to leave it to anyone else you have to have the wife sign a waiver, same goes if a wife wants to leave it to some other than her husband the man will have to sign the waiver.

In any case button up your financial stuff if you are going to marry her since she's saying you should have left everything to her and her kids.

Now my father was of that mindset the man takes care of the wife. Well he was born in the 30s so the wife stayed home and took care of the kids. Though my mom did work for a while and she actually paid his way through college.

He worked a part-time job as well so they worked together which is how it should be once they started having children she stopped working but the first four years of their marriage she worked full time supporting him at college and basically paid their rent and their food bills.

So it was really upsetting when my dad remarried after her death quickly (9 months) and told us before they even got married that he was leaving everything to the new wife. He meant everything.

He ended up not leaving a IRA that had been in my mother's name cuz my stepmother made a big stink how it was in my mom's name and she didn't want it because of that.

So instead she got everything else which came too easily a million if not more my dad was extremely financially savvy and the house he bought her. He sold our house and used that money to buy her a house.

She wanted our house but we all vetoed that and my dad didn't want to keep it anyway as he wanted to downsize. So she still got a really nice house I looked it up recently, he paid $350k for it, it's now worth $450k.

Now that will benefit myself, my siblings and her children because the house is supposed to get sold after her death and split Among Us. I guess that's how my dad took care of making sure we got something.

Now whether that actually happens will be interesting to see. I don't know if it's all tied up legally with a bow or just something he wanted. But my stepmother has mentioned it a few times that's how it's supposed to be.

But I think it's great that you gave your child what your wife left you. The fact that your fiance is having a hissy fit about it does not look good on her. You may want to rethink things. Or just stay engaged and never get married.

funbberry writes:

NTA. Your fiancée’s kids get to inherit from her and their father. Your daughter should inherit from you and her mom. If you and fiancée have children, those children should inherit from you and from her.

You may want to consider options to make fiancée comfortable if you pass suddenly and you’re having kids together. For instance, if you’re the breadwinner, will she be able to easily support your shared biological children if you passed?

A lot of this is just figuring out what your kids need for stability. She may feel better if she realizes she and the biological kids won’t be cut out from your inheritance and will still be financially safe and sound. There is nothing wrong with giving your daughter all her mom’s inheritance. You are comfortable without it!

tuchmiuch writes:

So I'm the kid in this situation. My Mum passed away when I was 14, and my Dad remarried when I was 18 (I'm 36 now). Lately we've been talking about wills etc simply because my Dad had a bad fall, I've had some health issues, etc. It just came up.

My stepmum (amazing, I love her to bits) couldn't have kids herself and that was done even before she met my Dad. She does however have 16 nieces and nephews. If anything were to happen to my Dad, my Stepmum would inherit all of his, as well as my Mum's.

I feel uncomfortable about the fact that my Mum's inheritance could be divided between not just me and my sister, but also my stepmum's nieces and nephews who never knew or met her.

I addressed this with my Dad and stepmum, and they fully understood - my Mum's part will go to me and my sister, my Dad's will be 50% us, 50% my stepmum. I think that's reasonable. If you've passed on your late wife's inheritance to your daughter, that's only fair.

Your fiance has nothing to do with this and has no rights to claim any of it. If you're giving 100% of your own inheritance to your daughter, I could see why she'd be upset.

It doesn't sound like you are though, so not sure why your fiance thinks you owe her any of your late wife's assets. It's not hers, she wasn't with you when it accumulated, it belongs to you and your daughter and you two are the only ones to decide what happens with it.

If she doesn't agree with your decision on this, literally, your late wife's belongings - you may want to delay that wedding a bit. It's also not been that long ago, so maybe get to know each other a little better and agree on the big things before you jump into a marriage with someone who you've only known for a short time?

To me it'd be a red flag if my partner made an issue out of this, it seems common sense that this is not something she can claim.

Info - and if you don't want to answer it's ok too but I think it's important for context: Is it a substantial amount that your late wife left?

NTA in any way, and I applaud you for supporting your daughter and doing what's right by her Mum.

Sources: Reddit
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