Man gives wife silent treatment after what she does to her wedding ring. AITA?
When this husband is upset with his wife for losing a prized possession, he asks the internet:
"AITA for giving my wife the silent treatment after what she did to her wedding ring?"
Yesterday night my wife lost her wedding ring. She took it off during her weekly martial arts class. Didn't look for it until she got home, found out the ring must have fallen out of her training bag somewhere between the gym and home. Didn't tell me she'd lost her ring, I found out from my kids instead.
Her wedding ring has strong sentimental value to me. I bought us matching gold bands when we married, and each year on our anniversary I go to a jeweller and have one diamond set into the band. Number fourteen was added a few months ago.
It's quite literally irreplaceable. She'd come home while I was getting dinner ready, and she went straight to have a shower. When my kids told me she'd lost her ring, I immediately went searching for it. Emptied the training bag, checked the car, came up empty handed.
I didn't say anything at dinner. She didn't say anything either. We both went to bed without speaking. I woke up this morning, made the lunch boxes for our kids, got ready for work, and she got up as I was leaving and asked me if I'm upset. I said I was upset about the ring, and left. I mean she just disrespected the ring and me.
The ring is a thing, not a person, and therefore not as important as my wife or our relationship. But it's also a symbol, full of meaning, and it's infuriating to know it's gone and she didn't take better care of it, put it in her purse or somewhere more secure than rolling around loose in a gym bag. AITA for giving her the cold shoulder?
Let's see what readers thought.
fdulling writes:
YTA - I understand you're upset but things like this happen. Objects get lost and yes, it sucks, but they're objects. I bet your wife feels horrible and sad and now not only is a precious object gone but also the person who is supposed to love and support her is being cold. Is that worth it?
Quick story time: my dad gave my mum a necklace when my sister was born, my mum wore it a lot. One time they were travelling, mum taking care of us two toddlers.
Somewhere at a rest stop while feeding us kids, one of us must have grabbed the necklace and torn it without her noticing. She realized hours later and my dad got so mad he told her she was too stupid to be trusted with jewellery and he'd never give her any jewellery ever again. He kept his promise until he died a few years later.
This moment of grief and humiliation stuck with her so much, she told us the story several times over the years, mostly whenever we lost something. She was still sad about the loss of the necklace but even more still hurt by him being an ass to her.
Now think: is THIS how you'd want to be remembered? As the jerk who made a painful situation worse? No? Then go to your wife now, give her a hug. Go out together, look for the ring, you might just get lucky.
You don't need to go out and buy a replacement, money doesn't grow on trees after all. But maybe for Christmas or her birthday, get her something nice, something that looks different to the lost ring, and tell her you'll together fill it with more beautiful memories.
penc writes:
NTA. My ring no longer fits, and it's wide, so harder to size. Has huge sentimental value, and I stopped wearing it. We have ring tattoos now. I worry never!
harleile writes:
YTA. Your marriage isn't dependent on a ring, it's the relationship you've built up with your wife and the trust that comes with it. This was an honest accident, she didn't mean to lose it. Her reluctance to bring up the subject with you suggests she knew you'd react badly and you have.
flasta writes:
Agreed. YTA. She went straight inside and showered instead of immediately sprinting to you at full steam to tell you? Your kids told you though immediately which means as soon as she realised she was upset and it was lost she told the kids because she was upset and fretting about it. She is likely thinking it’s not lost but just in her bag or might turn up.
Maybe everyone knew how you would respond? Imagine your wife passed away or divorced you? You could hang onto that ring forever and never be able to do a thing with it except look at it and wallow in misery. Go say sorry and help her try and find it.
falgah writes:
Without more information ESH. The silent treatment is not usually really a good form of communication. It sounds like you guys are struggling in that department.
Your wife is an AH for not telling you. Especially if she knew how important it was to you. Also she told the kids but not you? Then says nothing at dinner?
I happen to agree that if it was truly loose in her gym bag that that's a bit disrespectful. Again, assuming she knows how important it is to you which I'm guessing she does.
I will get downvotes though as no one else seems to agree that your wife not telling you or communicating is also kind of ah behavior