Man 'ruins' wife's family and 'nukes marriage' by telling pregnant SIL she's being cheated on. AITA? UPDATED

"AITA for going behind my wife's back and telling her pregnant sister that she's being cheated on?"

I have been married to my wife for 3 years. I am 27 and she's 26. My SIL is 30 and my POS BIL is 31. I always had a close relationship with my SIL. We are friends, I also have a decent connection with my BIL. Not that close, but we often talk and get along.

My wife and her sister didn't get along as much as you would expect from siblings. It wasn't just normal siblings rivalry, but constant fights and arguments. Anyway 3 weeks ago, when I was having dinner with my friends. I saw my BIL with another woman, they were just eating.

I didn't think much of it, I wanted to go and greet him but I kept talking to my friends. After a while, I saw that he gave a light kiss to this woman. I was so shocked. I decided to not confront him, and when I got back to my home, I told my wife everything...

I told her that her sister is getting cheated on and we need to tell her. My wife said we should talk to my BIL instead of telling her sister, and we should not break their marriage because her sister is pregnant.

I was like WTF? So what is she's pregnant? Her husband is a cheat. I tried to convince my wife multiple times that we should tell her sister the truth. I told her that I know you guys don't get along, but she's still your sister and this isn't right, but she asked me to stay out of it.

I tried my best to convince my wife, but she either ignored me or said we shouldn't break their marriage. I had enough of her and yesterday, I told her that I am coming clean to my SIL. She and I have a great bond and I CAN'T AND WON'T betray her. My wife said if I tell her the truth, she will not talk to me. I replied, "I won't talk to you either if you don't want to do what's right."

Today I told my SIL the truth, I went to her place and told her everything, she was doubtful and she asked me to leave. After a few hours, my SIL called me and she was crying and said what I said was the truth and she shouldn't have doubted me and kicked me, she said she's leaving.

I asked her, "where would you go? Do you have have money?" She said she does but not that much. I wired her a bit and said she should call me if she needs help and she thanked me, and said she will only use the money I sent if it's necessary. otherwise she will return.

My BIL called my wife and well, my wife lashed onto me and said I ruined HER family and HER sister's life, I said I thought the moment we got married your family is mine and my family is yours? Anyway why tf are you defending that pos so much? What about your sister?

She didn't reply to me and she's not talking to me either, I tried to talk to her and convince her that it was the right thing to do, but she wouldn't talk to me so I said fine stay angry and if you want to divorce me then go ahead. I think I have nuked my marriage, do not know if what I did was truly right.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

adobeacrobatreader said:

NTA, if I were you, I would sleep with one eye open. Your wife has no moral standards.

unusuallysunny76 said:

Sounds like your wife supports cheaters and that should be worrying to you. NTA.

JMarchPineville said:

NTA. Your wife is the one to watch.

Otherwise_Degree_729 said:

NTA. Your wife is either currently cheating or she has cheated on you. Worse she might have cheated on you with your BIL. If she doesn’t get along with her sister and there was always siblings rivalry I wouldn’t put it past her.

Even if she hasn’t cheated her morals suck, she is a shitty sister and partner. She should’ve told her sister, she shouldn’t lash out on you for being honest. That alone says a lot about her even if she hasn’t cheated.

DonTakeMeFi-Idiat said:

NTA - you did what was best for everyone in the long run. Your wife’s reaction leaves a lot to be desired.

Ns4200 said:

NTA - BIL ruined the family, not you.

sexyladysakura said:

NTA. You were put in a difficult situation and did what you thought was morally right. Your SIL deserved to know what was happening in her marriage, especially while she's pregnant and vulnerable. It seems you genuinely care about her well-being and didn’t want to betray her trust, even if it meant going against your wife's wishes.

UPDATE:

It's been a few days since I told my wife's sister that her husband is a cheat, just to clarify to all the weridos, no I am not in love with my sil, I don't have any inappropriate relation/feelings for her, I respect her and she's family.

In any case yesterday I asked my wife why she is pissed and wanted me to not reveal the truth to her sister I know you guys hate each other but you guys are siblings.

My wife said it's not our place to interfere, I asked are you okay with her sister being cheated on? She said she isn't but it will and has ruined their marriage because of my stupidity, she's pregnant and the child needs his father and so does the wife.

I was so shocked when she said this, like wtf? I asked her if I were to cheat on you would you forgive me? She said yes, I also asked her if she ever cheats on me would she hide it from me, she also said yes to that.

I was so shocked I asked her if she knows what she's saying, she said "yes and she's confident, just because you were intimate with someone else doesn't mean everyone else has to suffer and break the family."

I had no words to say, I told her that I also sent my SIL money, she started screaming at me and said I shouldn't have helped her despite knowing she doesn't like her sister. I said if that's what she thinks then it's better if we just divorce, she got angry and screamed "fine" and started packing her bag.

I tried my best to stop her from leaving, I told her that I love her and I just did what I felt right, nobody has to suffer betrayal like this, she said it is wasnt the "right time." I asked her so when should we tell her the truth? After she gives birth? Because it will worsen her ppd Or years after she gives birth?, she will just blame us.

She said we should have just kept quite and left it alone, I tried so hard to stop her but she didn't listen to me and left, I tried to contact her and herparents, her friends but they don't know where she is and instead started interrogating me and saying I am her husband and I should have taken care of her and I should know where she is.

I even visited my bil to confirm my suspicions but I didn't see her car or her belongings anywhere. I hate that I am being blamed for just revealing the truth and my wife leaving me right away without a second thought, I was so damm pissed so today I called my sil and told her that she can stay at my place cause I am going to my parents and my wife left and nobody knows where she is.

She told me she will try talking to her parents but after a while she called me and said that their parents don't know where she is, I told her to think about herself and come over and stay here instead of blowing up her money.

Now I am at my parents and my SIL is in our home, maybe I was being petty but I hate that my wife gave up on me and left without a second thought, I don't know whether shes cheating or cheated or she would truly cheat on me and her own blood sister with a family relative, over feuds, one thing is for sure tho, I cannot trust my wife anymore, she hurt me.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this update:

perpetuallyanxious13 said:

NTA. The way your wife was speaking so nonchalantly about cheating…red flag.

GrumpyLump91 said:

NTA. Your wife is ok with cheating. Big problem. She blew up because she potentially cheated or is cheating and it's hitting home. Do you know who SILs husbands affair partner is? Any chance it's your wife? You did the right thing. Your wife is out to lunch and a divorce might be the right move if this is a moral Hill shes willing to die on.

Ill_Caterpillar3169 said:

NTA - I’m sorry your going through this but you did the right thing and I’m sorry to say this but I think your wife is already cheating on you, what you do next is on you, if you want proof hire a private investigator just to be sure again.

I am really sorry and you did the right thing I don’t know what happen between her and her sister but she’s really sh$%ty for knowing that her sister is being cheated on but didn’t want to tell her that’s messed up. The truth always comes out, I guess she really hate her sister.

Head_Razzmatazz7174 said:

NTA, OP. She's actually doing you a favor. The fact that she said she would hide it from you if she ever cheated tells you she doesn't have the same values as you. Let her go. She sounds like the type of person who will hide other bad decisions from you that should be discussed as a couple.

Leather-Hand-4947 said:

Sounds like your wife already had an affair of her own. NTA.

Numerous_Teacher_392 said:

NTA - your conscience doesn't belong to your wife. A man's gotta do what he thinks is right. She has no say, just as you wouldn't have any right to tell her not to do the right thing. Very high chance that your wife is cheating on you.