Man 'humiliates' fiancé's brother at his wedding, 'I decided to finally stand up for ourselves.' AITA?
"AITA for ruining my fiancé's brother's wedding by just being there?"
I'm a M20s and recently got engaged to my boyfriend of 3 years, for that we threw an engagement party with our respective families, and everyone was invited including my fiancé's brother. All he did during that entire party was complain that he didn't understand this whole "gay thing" and generally just ruining the vibe. Obviously my fiancé didn't have the heart to kick him out of the party or whatever.
Fast forward to last week, my fiancé was attending his brother's wedding and suggested I come with him as a +1, about which I was hesitant at first because of his behavior at our engagement party, but my fiancé told me he had a long conversation with him and they settled the whole thing down so I figured I may as well give him another chance.
At the wedding he came up to my fiancé and asked him why I was there, to which he obviously answered that that's cause we're together. He said that was not acceptable. I decided to finally stand up for ourselves and loudly asked him so that everyone near us could hear if he was being aggressive towards me being there because we are a gay couple.
I then proceeded to say that he doesn't get to be all whiny during our engagement party and then also act like I personally hurt his feelings by attending his wedding. Then my fiancé said that he thought he was fine with me coming, but apparently not.
After the wedding this man told me that me and my fiancé humiliated him in front of everyone, the parents also agree with that and said that I took things too far and could've resolved this privately. So AITA?
EDIT:
My fiancé didn't ask me to be the +1 last week, the wedding itself was last week and I was asked way before that, after my fiancé talked to his brother. I should've made that more clear!
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
judgeeveryonesbiznes said:
NTA - there is an old sayin' Don't start none won't be none. Your STB BIL needs a reality check and he started it when he approached you. Your response while some could view as confrontational was not unwarranted. I also would not be inviting him to your wedding or really want to be around him for any reason.
As far as if your fiance is around him that is up to him but I will never understand why people keep negativity in their lives for the sake of "family." Congrats on the upcoming nuptials.
EvenWay4669 said:
Your problem is really with your fiance. He lied to you about being welcome at the wedding and it created a scene,. When his brother confronted you at the wedding, instead arguing you should have quietly left, not because he was right (he wasn't) but because it was his wedding.
Your fiance also let you down at the engagement party by not kicking his brother out. It was your event and you deserved to spend it with people who support your relationship. Your future BIL is an AH, but so is your fiance.
Apart-Ad-6518 said:
NTA. "At the wedding he came up to my fiancé and asked him why I was there, to which he obviously answered that that's cause we're together. He said that was not acceptable." What isn't acceptable is what the brother said. That's deep in A H territory. Your fiance has some difficult decisions to make about his brother.
KronkLaSworda said:
NTA to call out a bigot when they're being an AH. Even at their wedding.
Professional_Ruin953 said:
It probably could have been resolved privately, but that would have required BIL to choose a private setting to spout his bigotry. Your fiancé thought his conversation with his brother cleared the way for your attendance. Seems BIL prefers to pretend everything’s okay when things are one-on-one but express his homophobia with an audience. Weird choice. NTA.
Tony_the-Tigger said:
NTA. If he didn't want to be humiliated in public, he shouldn't have come at you in public. He brought this on himself.