Man kicks mother-in-law out of their house, 'she invaded our privacy.' AITA?
"AITA for kicking out my MIL because she invaded our privacy?"
My 32M wife 25F and I purchased our first home a year ago. We also have a newborn. My wife's family lives abroad and came to visit in July to see our baby and home for the first time.
My wife's mom decided to stay longer to help her daughter with the baby. They didn't have the best relationship growing up (understatement) so they have been slowly reconnecting in the last few years. My wife being a new mother is something they've been bonding over a lot.
For the most part this was going well but I was cautious about it since I know the type of personality my MIL is and how she treated my wife in the past. I have been trying to back off a little though, and not be so overprotective. I superficially get along fine with my MIL. But I don't trust her. I think I was right about that.
Shortly into her stay, my MIL invited a relative to our home without getting approval from myself or my wife. I was away for work and my wife was told about this relative coming over while they were already en route. This relative was passing through the city and my MIL took it upon herself to invite him to our home.
This is someone my wife has never met. Neither have I, since it's someone on my MIL's side of the family. All this to say it was a complete stranger. My wife informed me what was happening and I told her to shut it down. I even gave her the option to blame it on me. I don't mind being the bad guy.
My wife was having a conversation with my MIL about canceling the plans she'd made with this relative when this relative showed up early at the door. Here's why I was pissed, and why I had my MIL leave. MIL invited someone without our permission. (I would have let this one slide with a warning)
MIL gave a house tour while my wife was breastfeeding the baby upstairs. She knew what her mom is like and had set a boundary already - no house tour. MIL completely disregarded it because she thinks she knows better and wanted to show off.
MIL brought the relative (male) into the nursery where my wife was breastfeeding. Their sudden appearance made my wife uncomfortable and embarrassed. MIL's excuse was that she thought my wife would be breastfeeding the baby in our bedroom. I'm willing to bet she gave a tour of that room too.
Please tell me if I overreacted in booking my MIL on an earlier flight home despite her apologies. I strongly believe this is a type of woman who will always do what she wants. When I think of all the trauma she inflicted on my wife with her games in the past, and the way she acted the moment I left the house.. I don't think this is a woman who will ever change.
I upgraded her seat because I get business class through my job, but in every other way, I've remained cold, calculated and firm in my stance. I'm told by family that I am being too cutthroat and could have handled this without sending my MIL back home. Would you not do the same? I'd appreciate some perspective.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
The_Goddess_Herse1f said:
NTA. You were protecting your wife and your child! Your MIL doesn’t sound like the person that easily learns boundaries but hopefully this will show her she needs to behave if she wants to see your child again in the future.
murphy2345678 said:
NTA. No one has the right to invite anyone to someone else’s home. No one has the right to show anyone someone else’s home. No one should bring a stranger into a room where a mother is privately breastfeeding her baby.
Fluffy-Evening20 said:
NTA. If MIL can't respect that, she has no business being in your home uninvited, let alone with a guest. Stick to your boundaries, and with any luck, this incident will be a turning point in setting firm expectations for the future.
Liu1845 said:
It's a hard lesson, but MIL certainly needed it. NTA.
EfficientNotice9815 said:
NTA. I have a mother just like this. She will walk all over whoever no matter what. You absolutely have to be firm with these people and stand your ground. Make sure she actually leaves when she's supposed to and doesn't try screwing with the flight.
The_Rattlesnake_14 said:
NTA. I’m expecting with my wife and we have a similar situation. Ultimately every choice you and your wife make needs to be in the best interest of your family and if you two aren’t comfortable in your own home, MIL has to go. It’s easier said than done, and it will strain the relationship, but boundaries are critical for new parents.