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Man leaves fiancée after learning what happened at bachelorette party. AITA? 'I am personally not a fan.'

Man leaves fiancée after learning what happened at bachelorette party. AITA? 'I am personally not a fan.'


"AITA for leaving my fiancée after I learned there were strippers at her bachelorette party?"

What the title reads basically. I (29M) and my ex-fiancee(29F) were together for 5 years. We should have been married now in the normal conditions but I broke up with her and canceled the wedding 2 days before it because they invited male strippers to bachelorette party.

I am personally not a fan of these parties but reluctantly agreed after both groom & bride side confirmed we would keep it simple. I told my ex-fiancee I am not comfortable with strippers or other kind of crazy things. She agreed. I also told my friends if they were to do a stupid thing without me knowing, we would have problems.

We stayed at my friends' summer house and chilled there by the pool, did some wow raids and played board games. My ex-fiancee and her friends went to a restaurant then rented an Airbnb. There was no problem during the night and next day I asked how things went. She and her close friends said it was really chill and good. We returned to the city center after that.

I encountered another bridesmaid that day when I was shopping for a bracelet for my ex-fiancee for her upcoming birthday. I asked that girl how's everything as we were in the same department at the college but rarely talk now. She is closer with my fiancee than me.

She said it's going good and last night was crazy with all the strippers. After saying that she looked uncomfortable. I asked her about the details but she was not willing to tell much. I think she realized she should not have talked about it. I laughed, said goodbye and left.

I confronted my fiancee and she seemed surprised about it. She was denying it first, then told me nothing crazy happened and one of the bridesmaids invited strippers. I reminded her that it was a strict boundary for me. I asked about the details but she said there was nothing much with strippers just solo dances and that's it. I told her I need some time to think.

Almost all of the bridesmaids messaged me ensuring nothing happened when I was on my way back home (definitely not coordinated). Things happened after that, but in the end, I decided to break up and cancel the wedding. I lost some money since it was only 2 days before the wedding. Things are not cool right now. My head is messed up, I'm getting criticism from everyone and have no idea about what to do.

My sister told me to see a therapist to process my thoughts and feelings. That is what I'll do next. Some mutuals suggested me that I should reconsider things and stop being so whiny about such a small thing. I do not think it's such a small thing especially when they all tried to hide it from me. AITA here?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

boredathome1962 said:

NTA. "It was crazy with all the strippers" is hugely different from "it was really chill and good". This isn't just lying, this is a total reversal of the truth. Even her "it was just solo dances" is not the same as "crazy". So they are lying, all of them, except the first one.

MyFriendsCallMeEpic said:

NTA - it comes down to the lies. Also her friends also lied, one said the truth but knew they fkd up and weren't forthcoming with information. Just makes you wonder, what if anything in the future they would lie about to cover up. You told her it was a boundary and they stomped on it.

NatureCarolynGate said:

She violated your trust. You both agreed, no strippers. She had strippers; it doesn't matter who made the arrangement, she could have told them to leave. Then when you knew, she lied, and then she doubled down and initially denied it. She stretched the violation of your trust further. Not a way to start a marriage. You did the correct thing. If you married her, you wouldn't know if, how, or when she was lying. NTA.

ATouchofTrouble said:

NTA. After a certain point it stops being about the strippers & turns into she ignored your boundary, lied to you, had her friends lie to you, then had them gang up on you to validate her lie. It is worth a discussion where you tell her why & explain how you feel. If she actually listens, then this relationship can be saved. But I'd she continues to invalidate you & not listen then it's probably not going to work out.

kprevenew93 said:

NTA - You set boundaries, and she violated them. There is nothing wrong with deciding you don't want to be married to someone who doesn't respect you or your boundaries. That's not unreasonable or controlling in any way. I would do the same.

tmink0220 said:

I hate these archaic rituals, they are about getting your last ten minutes of singleness. Most now have not been single for a long time. You did the right thing, after you discussed it and set a boundary she did it anyway. NTA. When did she think it was ok to ignore your feelings?

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this wedding drama?

Sources: Reddit
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