Man leaves mom without a home, 'to say I'm pissed is an understatement.' AITA? UPDATED
"WIBTA for making my mom homeless after what she did to my wife?"
My mom, Kara (50s), doesn’t hold down jobs, thinks she’s above working a regular 9-5 and is a moocher. She essentially just lives wherever she can find people willing to let her live for free and spends the little she has from doing odd jobs on booze and drugs. My dad (they divorced over a decade ago), John, finances a lot of her lifestyle. Kara will beg him for money since he’s pretty well off and for some reason he usually gives it to her.
Recently John bought her an old RV and she planned to move into it in her parents backyard and get paid from the state to take care of them as they aren’t well. My wife, Diane (29F) and I (35M) live right next door to Kara’s parents, my grandparents. When Kara decided to move down here we made it clear that we won’t be taking care of her financially and she can’t mooch off of us.
I explicitly told her she isn’t using our laundry or shower or bathroom, electric, address for mail, etc. I told her if she’s moving to her parents they are solely responsible for her. I said that as she tends to try and guilt me into helping her and is very manipulative.
Kara decided to put the RV in between my shop and her dad's shop. I did make it clear that she can’t plug into our shop as we aren’t paying her electric and we need a main panel upgrade and don’t have the power to run her RV. She was fine with that. Also to note, her parents have room in there house but some repairs and things need moved but Kara refuses to do that for free even if it would get her a place to live and recently the application for her to get paid to be there caretaker got rejected as she failed the background check.
She’s slowly running out of money and has tried to mooch off of Diane and I but we are sticking to our guns saying no. She has heat, there are multiple food banks around, she has a car and is capable of getting a job just chooses not to. Diane and I also have a 7 month old son.
Diane is breastfeeding and was overproducing a lot for a few months so she has almost 2000 oz of milk in a freezer in our shop. She recently went back to work and is cycling through the stuff in the freezer. Kara texted us this morning saying we should check power to the shop as she a plugged in “just for a minute” a few days ago and it shorted out and she noticed it still isn’t working.
Today I got home to Diane bawling as she went out to check and found that the power to the shop was out and all 2000oz had defrosted and have to be thrown away. Diane is not overproducing anymore and is devastated. Kara apparently blew the fuse box at my grandpas because she turned on the generator while plugged in so decided she’s just use ours.
To say I’m pissed is an understatement. I explicitly told her not to use our power and for it to waste an insane amount of my wife’s time and energy make me furious. I texted Kara telling her what she did and Kara texted Diane saying she can just switch to formula. I told her we need an apology and Kara texted back saying it’s not her fault we have sh#tty power.
I am sick of her entitlement and I know that it’s not legal to live in an RV here. I could report her and they usually give 45 days before the person has to leave. Kara has burnt a lot of bridges and mentioned the only place she has left to live is her car. I want to report her and get her away from us. WIBTA if I report her and make her homeless?
EDIT:
Edit: the rV is between the shops but entirely on my grandparents property as we wouldn’t allow it on ours
Edit 2: We made the report and are going to press charges
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
MouseAndLadybug said:
My blood pressure just spiked, I am so angry for your wife. When I was nursing my first I pumped one single bottle a day so my spouse could feed baby at bedtime and even THAT was torture for me. I would be in jail for murder if I pumped that much and it went to waste. NTA at ALL.
BlueGreen_1956 said:
NTA. Get her out of there. If reporting her will do it, go for it. She is an entitled waste of space.
Katana1369 said:
NTA. Report her because she'll just do it again. She won't be homeless. She can move in her parents house.
aquavenatus said:
NTA. There is a reason why your mother is little to no connections left with other people. She just made things worse for your household and your mother is acting like it’s no big deal. End it now before she does something that could have legal repercussions for you, your wife, and your grandparents!
newprairiegirl said:
NTA, your mom made her choice in life. Failed a background check to be a paid caregiver to her own parents is telling. Flip the breaker for that outlet so she can't use it.
l3ex_G said:
Nta how many times are you going to let her hurt your family? Get her kicked out and go no contact. She won’t get better, sorry.
UPDATE:
I got asked for updates a few times so even though it’s been chill I thought I’d explain what’s happened. My wife didn’t want to press charges (she has a hard time expressing boundaries and can be a pushover to keep the peace) but I decided we were going to. My mistake was calling my dad to let him know that was the plan. I do have her confession via text.
My dad told my mom and she packed up her stuff that same night and left. I have no idea where she went, she sent me a text saying I’m a horrible son who only cares about money and then she blocked me. We are moving forward with legal action against her but it’s honestly better already with her being wherever she is and not right by my family. We won’t be speaking to her again.
Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:
boredathome1962 said:
NTA. You care about your wife, and your child. That's what you should do. And she only cares about herself. You are well rid of her, but remember this when she comes back because the RV needs a new gearbox or whatever and it's apparently your duty to pay for it.
Gothicrose80 said:
So so glad you filed charges on her. Now have your father charged with helping her get away and go NC with him.
mahfrogs said:
It isn't the money - it is that you cannot trust her - no matter what you ask, how you try to work with her, what boundaries you set, she does not respect you. Without that respect, you in turn aren't able to respect her, or believe and trust her. Has nothing to do with money.
Mountain-Key5673 said:
I wouldn't talk to either of them again. Cops will find her and I'd also tell them you told your dad and you think he told your mum and that's why she left.