Man lends his sister money for her dog's vet bills, 'I expected her to pay it back on the due date.' AITA?
"AITA for expecting my sister to pay back the money I lent her for her dogs vet bills on the due date?"
On October 1st, I (35M) lent my sister (27F) 2500 dollars for her dog's vet bills. She promised to pay me back on November 1st. She said she would have the money on that date. I have this in writing via text. I've never lent my sister money before and I generally trust her. I didn't care for her dog, but she loved it.
It ended up passing on Oct 15th. She was devastated. I gave her my condolences and went about my life. On Nov 1st, I asked her to Venmo me the 2500. She blows up on me asking how I could ask her for money when she is still grieving.
She says it's only been 2 weeks since the dog died and she isn't ready to move on. I told her I'm not telling you to move on, I'm telling you to pay me what I'm owed. I asked if she is saying she is not paying me back. She called me an asshole and hung up. I texted her a screenshot of her agreeing to the 11/1 date. She ignored me.
I can live without getting the $2,500 back with no material effect on my life, but also 2500 is not an insignificant amount. In talking with our mom, the vet bill was over 7 grand and it didn't save her dog's life. I found out my mom gifted her 2 grand to help out.
I have no idea what my sisters finances are like, but i'm guessing they are not good. She is now 7 days late and I haven't seen a dime. We've had several arguments and this has really deteriorated our relationship. Essentially she is calling me an unsympathetic ahole. But am I?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Discount_Mithral said:
NTA. This is why I don't lend money to family. She agreed to a date and needs to stick to it or ask for a different date/arrange for a payment plan if need be. With you having it in text, you can take her to small claims court, but that is going to ruin your relationship with her completely. Be prepared not to see that money again and take it as a lesson learned not to lend her money again.
catladyclub said:
I find people want to make you the bad person when they have to pay back money they borrowed and promised to pay back. They make themselves the victim. I would insist she pay it back. I would tell her she needs to start making payments. You have it in text she agreed. There is no reason for her not to pay you back. NTA.
animaniactoo said:
YTA, sorry to say. Yes, you’re unsympathetic. You needed to handle this a LOT more gently, and with more faith. Messaging her as soon as it was due was the wrong way to go UNLESS you absolutely needed it back right then and then you say something along the lines of “I’m so sorry to ask, but I can’t pay my rent unless I get the money now."
You should have given her a couple of days to see if she would take care of it and reach out first about it and only come to her if she didn’t. She lashed out and that sucks.
But now, knowing that she is extremely upset, instead of saying something like “I know things are tough for you right now, I’m sorry I didn’t understand how upset you are, why don’t we just rearrange for Dec 1st”, you are doubling down EVERY DAY about it.
Is she wrong for not keeping the agreement and paying you back when she said she would? Probably, and she’s definitely handling it wrong. But you are botching the general humanity side of this.
CreativeProfession57 said:
NTA but, Alas, the lesson here is don’t loan money to people, especially family. Either give it without conditions or expectations or don’t give it. Because that unfortunately is the binary reality for many of these scenarios.
It’s the principle of the thing, I get it. It’s not an insignificant chunk of change. I get that, too. Per your portrayal, it seems unlikely you’re getting reimbursed, at least any time soon.
So you are left with another binary choice: eat the loan and NEVER loan again (and this includes not bringing it up with your sister at all) or continue to Pursue it and further injure your relationship. It’s not a good choice, admittedly, but that is the reality of it.
HL1203 said:
NTA. If her sister had gotten a loan from the bank, the bank wouldn't care that she's too sad to pay. She's be charged NSF and late fees.
ch3ml4b said:
ESH. She should never have made an agreement she couldn't follow through with, but your heartless reaction to your sister is jarring. She's your sister, not a business partner. Let this be a lesson to everyone: don't lend money to people you're close with, or at the very least, don't lend it with the expectation of ever seeing it again.