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Man loses it on parents; 'Just ADMIT IT. My adopted sister RUINED my life.' AITA? UPDATED 2X

Man loses it on parents; 'Just ADMIT IT. My adopted sister RUINED my life.' AITA? UPDATED 2X

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When this man lashes out at his parents for allegedly favoring his sister over him, he asks the internet:

"AITA for telling my parents off for always favoring my adopted sister over me?"

When I (27m) was 3, my parents (51m and 49f) adopted my newborn sister. She is deaf, and learned to lead lips incredibly well.

She also got better grades and had more friends (I had a few while she was very social despite her disabilities) than me as a child, and my parents always called her the “best gift they could’ve asked for”.

They favored her, and gave her everything she asked for. They both made a lot of money, and sent her to a very nice private school, while I went to a weakly-funded public school two blocks from my house.

When I was 11, I was made fun of and bullied by a kid in my class, and my father told me to toughen up. I went to my a teacher (who filed a report to the principal, who didn’t do much) later, and my father called me weak for going to my teacher about a bully.

The birthday parties for me were not really parties, but where I asked them to make my favorite dinner and they reluctantly agreed. My sister received massive parties, where my parents typically got her around 10 expensive gifts on top of everything else.

They funded her college education in full, while they had told me to make do with the tiny bits of money they gave me for chores that I had been saving.

More recently, they have asked me straight to my face why I wasn’t as intelligent, social, and successful as my sister (mind you I make 20k more than her with no degree).

Recently, she got engaged to a guy, who I’m currently good friends with and even learned sign language for my sister early in their relationship. They held a dinner party, where they openly talked about how they wish they had another golden child like my sister.

They then asked me why I couldn’t be like her. I got up, and asked to talk to them outside. I told them that they were neglectful assholes who never cared about me, and that they were bad parents. I then argued with them further, and they said that they were simply trying to make her feel better about her disability.

By the end of the argument, they admitted they never wanted a son, and always wanted a child that would impress people and who would make them look good. I left angrily, and told my best friend about it, who said that it was good that I stranded up to them.

However, the rest of my family (excluding my sister) believed that I was an ungrateful, whiny b who never appreciated what I had (of course this is after years of my parents telling them lies and after they told them a twisted version of the conversation).

finstaaa writes:

NTA. Honestly, they sound like my parents. My two brothers (one being my twin brother) and my two older sisters were the golden children. When I was born (we're the youngest), they rejected me and accepted my brother.

I was raised by my grandmother and Godparents. I had move back with them on the demands of my parents when nana died when I was 7.

They then moved to London (I live in the SW of England) when I was 14 and abandoned me to live with my Godparents.

In the time they had me, my dad beat me and my mother was ALWAYS comparing me to my siblings and complaining I wasn't like them (no shit) and that I was worthless. Her parting shot to me was "we're obliged to love you but we don't like you".

I was bullied at school for being tiny with curly hair and for not speaking with a broad country accent but speaking more like a Londoner. My bullying was ignored by the school and my parents for four years.

Then I overhear my mother telling her friend I was bullied for years but I NEVER told them! The audacity! My brother got bullied by some guy and my dad went and confronted him immediately and threatened him. No more bullying.

So I KNOW what you're going through which is why I say NTA. What they have done is under mind you as a person and destroyed your self esteem, something that takes years of therapy to repair (if it can even be repaired). What they did was cruel and unforgiveable.

DM me if you need to talk. I've been there, got the t-shirt and book. Also try and find a good therapist to work on your own self esteem. You'll need it, trust me.

Before we give you OP's updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

cubanfansolo writes:

NTA assuming everything is trueShe may have disabilities but that doesn't mean that you should be treated any less than her. I agree with you fully that they are bad parents.

But I also doubt your sis didn't know about this uneven treatment you both get cause she gets everything she wants from them no hesitations, while even though you asked, your parents still reluctantly agree to do it. Also, when your father told you to toughen up and called you weak for going to a teacher about it shows that your parents are neglectful and that they definitely played favorites.

notrighno writes:

NTA. Your parents sound like terrible people. My one piece of advice would be: Don't expect them to change. They will never see your perspective, or waver from their story that you were an awful child. So, for your own sake, you'll need to accept that about them, and give up hope of having a fulfilling relationship with them.

I'm very glad for you that your sister is thinking about what you told her. It seems like she'll change her perspective on them, with time.

ghky writes:

Dude! My father opened a business and asked me to be in charge of the warehouse. I took a pay cut, but I figured it could work out in the long run. Turned into a perpetually underfunded warehouse. Hell, I had to go out and buy all of the cleaning supplies out of my own pocket.

I figured it is just starting. We will fix it. We'll, we did not. I mean, we were a fairly high volume flooring shop doing hundreds of new homes a year... but he had us keeping inventory using pen and paper.

Not even notebooks... loose printer paper. Oh, did I mention we didn't even have racks for the first two years? Just piling everything on the floor and having to shift half of everything everything we needed something.

If something needed to be done, I did it. No questions asked, no overtime. Things did not run like clockwork because I didn't even have a sundial. What we did was millions in revenue through a stoneaged warehouse.

Anyways, the second year, he threw a Christmas party. He went around the room pouring praise on each employee. I was last... and least... because he shit all over me in a room full of 30 employees and their spouses. I sat there mortified, and crushed. My wife was literally speechless.

Having to sit there at this formal dinner getting fd on in front of 50 people by my own father broke me. So, I get you man. NTA times four hundred trillion. F your parents. I hate them.

ratee writes:

NTA. Everyone has a breaking point, a moment where enough is enough, and it sounds like you've hit it. It sounds to me like you are putting the blame where it belongs, and not on your sister, which stands to your character. I think children should be loved and cared for as equally as possible within their needs.

Tell the people you love and want in your life the truth of what happened. Either they consider what you're telling them or they don't, but they do deserve to hear the truth and you deserve to be able to tell them that truth. Good luck to you!

Update 1:

We were never really that close. And she was always hanging out with friends, or doing other things. I was pretty anti-social to begin with, which meant that I rarely talked to her. I honestly think that she knew my parents liked her more, but didn’t know the extent of it. I may go NC.

That’s what I’m planning on doing since my few friends are advising me so. The only reason that it might be a bad decision is that it means I will probably never be able to talk to my relatives again or try to tell them the truth.

Update 2:

I told my sister what they have said. She seems to believe me, and says that she is definitely going to talk to my parents about what they said. She also apologized for being so ignorant to the neglect that I faced. Even if most of my family hates me, I still have one person who believes me, which makes me feel better.

I’ll certainly be looking into getting a therapist. The closest thing I’ve ever had to a therapist was my guidance counselor, who I never really told what was happening because I was afraid my parents would think of me as an even bigger embarrassment.

Update 3:

I followed the advice of some people in the comments and sent an email to my relatives.

I told them they didn’t have any proof that I was ungrateful and unappreciative for what I had, except for my parents word which wasn’t much.

I also asked why they never came to a single one of my “birthday parties”, why I went to a much sh&ier school, and why I spent so much time in my room when they came to visit

(something I really didn’t mention in my first post; they wanted me upstairs in my room for about 75% of all visits because they said they were “embarrassed” by me). I also had my sister vouch for me, saying they only wanted a golden child.

About half of them believe me now, some still can’t decide who’s in the right, and some are saying that it’s reasonable to want a perfect child and that kids are nuisances and that my parents were 100% in the right.

I also determined that my sister had to know something was off. I told her that it would be a bit before I trusted her 100% again. She agreed (seemed surprised when I said it though).

I’ve looked into therapy as well and my first appointment is in two weeks. Currently, I still have an urge to call my parents because I don’t want to lose them, in case they change their minds.

Something else in my head is telling me not to though. One of my close friends even told me that I should sue my parents, and that their wife’s brother worked for a really good firm and that they could help me hire them. I don’t really think the neglect was that serious for a lawsuit however.

Sources: Reddit
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