Man 'loses it' on his wife after she told his 10-year-old son to 'get out' of a family picture. AITA?
"AITA for losing it on my wife after she told my son to 'get out of the picture' at my stepdaughter's birthday?"
I’m really struggling here and starting to feel like I’m losing my mind. I think I'm being gaslit, so what better place to get some clarity? Here’s the situation. I’ve been married to my wife for 8 years, and on the whole, we have a good relationship.
She has four kids (two daughters, two sons, ages 11-16) from a previous relationship, and I have one son, who’s 10. Since day one, I've treated her kids as my own and done my best to support the family. Financially, it's a big load, but I’m happy to do it.
We live together in a five-bedroom house, where each of her daughters has their own room, her oldest son has his own, and her youngest son shares a room with my son.
The main issue—and what’s tearing me apart—is how she treats my son. She barely acknowledges him, rarely asks how he’s doing, and generally acts like he’s invisible. Tonight, it hit a breaking point. We were celebrating her daughter’s 11th birthday, and everyone was gathered to sing and take pictures.
I told my son to get in with the group for a picture, which seemed fine. But then, right after the group photo, my wife looked at my son and told him, “Get out of the picture, move to the side—I want one with just my kids.”
I felt like my heart shattered in that moment. I completely lost it. I told her that we're supposed to be a blended family and that my son deserves to be treated like one of her own. I feel like she’s drawing lines between “her” kids and “my” son, and it just doesn’t sit right with me.
For context, my son’s biological mom passed away two years ago, from health complications in 2020, though she had a history of addiction problems that may have worsened things. My son only has my wife now as a mother figure. I’m terrified that this rejection from her is going to hurt him deeply and cause psychological damage.
Am I asking too much for her to treat him like part of the family? I don’t want to be overreacting, but the way she flat-out ignores him is painful to witness. AITA for expecting her to step up and include him?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
ComprehensivePut5569 said:
If she hasn’t stepped up in 8 years, she never will. YTA for subjecting your son to your horrible wife for way too long.
InfoSecPeezy said:
YTA, your son is alone in the world since you allow your wife to treat him like absolute crap. You seriously foot the bill for this woman and her kids and let her treat your son like this? You have known this for too long already and have let it go on forever.
Your son is going to walk away as soon as he can if you don’t separate from this monster of a wife right now, but who knows, you may want that. I hope his mother’s family shows him an excessive amount of love because he isn’t getting from you and sure as sh$% isn’t getting it from your wife. And your wife is a shitty mother figure.
island_lord830 said:
YTA OP. A father who stands by while his wife abuses his son is an abusive father. Your abuse takes the form of neglect. If you were a good man and good father you'd divorce that b and take care of your son.
And if you think I'm being extreme ask yourself this. What would your late wife say if she saw how you were letting this woman treat your son. The greatest gift she ever gave you. And you let this new woman do this to him?
JennieGee said:
YTA For allowing your child to be abused in his own home and family. When do you EVER plan on putting YOUR child first? Get your child some therapy and DIVORCE the sorry excuse for a mother. The poor child, who has had to grow up thinking he's not a real member of his OWN family. 8 years! You need to do better for him!
FindingFit6035 said:
YTA for letting it get this far. You said at the beginning of the post you treat her four kids like your own but she can't do the same. Why are you allowing your kid to go through this? Why are you with a woman who treats your kid like this. You need to ask yourself is my relationship with this woman worth it at the risk that my child is hurt?
Your kid is 10 now but if this treatment continues you might lose your only child because of this. And if you confront your wife and she says she'll treat your son well, how sure will you be able to trust her?
What will happen the times you aren't home? Will she pretend to play happy family with you while you're there but show a different face to your son. You seriously need to reconsider this whole relationship for YOUR CHILD. Not hers. YOURS.
omfgwtfbbqkkthx said:
YTA for not protecting your kid. Unfortunately you were looking at it as "our kids" and that POS you married for some godforsaken reason has always looked at it as "my kids" and "your kid." Time to give "her kids" the same treatment she gives yours. Or better yet, get away from that woman and divorce. Your son comes first, you are all he has in the world