Man makes a 'big deal' and walks out of restaurant after sister flirts with his GF. AITA? UPDATED 3x.
"AITA for leaving the restaurant after my sister flirted with my girlfriend and made her uncomfortable?"
My (19M) sister 'Hailey' (20F, not real name) is a very open and flirty person. She's never put a label on her sexuality but she has said she's attracted to everyone. Ever since we were in high school, she'd often flirt with girls I was interested in. She'd also flirt with my friends when they'd come over to hang out.
Sometimes Hailey would even come into my room without knocking just to talk to them. It was very uncomfortable and some of my friends even stopped coming over to my house because of it. This made me really angry and I told our parents (45M and 42F) but they'd always say I'm being homophobic and to leave her alone.
So she'd always get away with it. A few months after she graduated, she moved out of the house and I haven't had to deal with her flirting with my friends anymore.
Seven months ago I met my now girlfriend 'Layla' (18F) and we really hit it off. We've been together a little over four months.
One thing to note about Layla is that she's really shy, so she's never voices any concerns until after the fact. Well I really wanted her to meet my parents so we set up a quick dinner at a nice restaurant on Tuesday night. Without even telling me, my parent's invited Hailey (who was almost 30 minutes late). For the better part of the dinner, she would constantly flirt with my girlfriend.
She'd give Layla compliments about her clothing, body, facial features, and even offer her number multiple times. My parent's would just laugh along with her antics saying it's just how she normally is. But I could clearly see Layla was uncomfortable so I paid my side of the bill and took her home.
When we got to her house, I asked if I could spend the night and she said yes. And that's where I've been for the past few days. My parents and Hailey have been blowing up my (edit:phone) calling me all sorts of names, which has me thinking I was in the wrong.
I haven't answered any of my sister's messages but I told my mom where I am. When I asked Layla about it she said the compliments were nice at first but she got uncomfortable. So AITA for making a big deal out of my sister flirting with my girlfriend?
EDIT:
I didn't put my reasoning, sorry. My parents think I'm an asshole for ignoring my sister's messages, and an even bigger ahole for walking out of the restaurant. They say I was entitled and rude. Does this make me TA?
Here's what top commenters had to say:
BoyoDee said:
NTA. Your sister is a creep, plain and simple. And it’s awful that your parents are enabling this and saying you’re homophobic for calling her out and trying to protect your gf. As someone in the LGBT community, it terrifies me how often others in the community get away it. Calling out someone’s harassment towards the same sex is NOT homophobia.
Embarrassed_Advice59 said:
NTA. Your sister is disrespecting your relationship, you, and your gf. Your parents just enable her behavior. How does she not realize she’s making people uncomfortable and what kind of sibling flirts with their brother’s partner. Smh. You’re not the AH Op.
Accomplished_Two1611 said:
Would your parents think it was so cute and harmless if you flirted with Hailey 's dates? I bet not. They need to rethink their position on their lecherous daughter. Her sexuality has nothing to do with it. NTA.
jme518 said:
NTA you need to have a serious convo about your sister and her lack of boundaries or respect.
BendPresent1437 said:
NTA. Your parents and your siter art the aholes, using homophobia to justify her childish behavior is so wrong and manipulating, some people just don't have boundaries.
BoredofB said:
NTA! Your sister displayed creepy behaviour traits. It's one thing to flirt and be open but being flirty with your GF to the point of making her uncomfortable that's red flag behavior right there.
Not just your sister but your parents are TAs as well for not stopping your sister's advances and for calling you rude and entitled. If I were you, I would go LC with your sister and if need be, parents too.
UPDATE:
Thank you so much to everyone who commented, since there's a lot of you in such a short time. Any advice given is greatly appreciated even if I can't reply to them all. I'm going to message my parent's later tonight and let them know I'll be going no contact with them until both of them and my sister apologize to my girlfriend.
I'll also be mentioning how Hailey's behavior is sexual harassment and that they're enabling her. Whether they apologize or not is up to them, but I refuse to let my gf go without one. Again, thank you all.
UPDATE 2:
Sorry this update took a few days, I'm still reeling from everything that happened. First of all I want to thank all the people who left comments and judgements. I won't say much as I'm sure you all want to know what happened. It's a lot. I'm still disgusted and don't really know how to feel about all this.
Friday night I messaged my mom and dad to let them know I wouldn't be conversing with them unless Layla was given an apology. Up to this point, that still hasn't been received and I don't think it ever will. I also let them know I'd be stopping by on Saturday to pick up my things from the house.
Well Saturday morning I go over to the house and bring my gf's dad (who we'll call Carl) to help me. Sitting on the porch is my sister who tells me immediately she wants to talk.
Anyways we go inside and sit down which is when she says she has to tell me something without me freaking out. Basically in a much more dimmed down version my sister tells me she has had feelings for me since high school, which is when I started going to the gym and slimming out a lot more.
She said the main reason she flirted with all my friends is because she wanted to "divert" her attraction somewhere else. According to her this is also the reason she moved out so quickly, because she couldn't stand being around me and knowing she couldn't have me.
I left. I didn't get any of my stuff and honestly I don't know if I'll go back to get it. I blocked my sister on everything as soon as I got back to my gf's house and my mom keeps messaging me telling me to apologize for walking out again.
I don't know how to feel. I'm absolutely disgusted. I feel like throwing up all the time and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to get up and go to work tomorrow like everything's normal. I haven't told my gf or her dad yet and I don't know if I'm going to. I have no idea if my mom or dad knows but even thinking about it makes my head hurt. This is so much worse than I thought it was. Wtf.
I know a lot of people might start commenting about how this is fake and I don't really care. I wish it was.
UPDATE 3:
So it's been a week. I'm not sure how many people are going to see this, but whoever does, hi. After my last post, I didn't answer many comments because I was still going through the motions of what was said. I wanted to get a quick update out last week but things got in the way which led us to here.
Last Tuesday I messaged my parents telling them everything my sister had told me. It wasn't until Thursday I got a reply where they called me all sorts of names. They said I was perverted, a liar, a manchild, etc.
However after messaging back and forth with them for a while it came out on my mom's side that my sister confirmed my story and wanted me to say it was false because neither of them wanted to believe it. It's safe to say I have no intention of talking to either of them for a long time.
I told my gf everything on Tuesday as well. She was a lot more supportive than I initially thought, so that worked out pretty well. On Friday, we told her father and we started looking for apartments to move in together. As for all my things back at my parent's house, my gf's dad and a few of my friends went to pick up my stuff without me. I gave them a list of all the necessary things. My friends don't know why I moved out but just that it was serious and not to ask.
Which leads us to today. I know a few people on my update post commented about this being fake and as much as I wish it wasn't, this is the hell I'm living in. Over the past week I've been looking back to my sister and I's relationship and realized a lot of stuff that isn't normal. I'd give examples but I just want this to be over with.
Thanks for the support and this'll probably be the last update.