Man makes ex's husband/former best friend cry in public at wedding after-party. AITA?
"AITA for causing my ex-gf’s husband (also, my previous best friend) to cry at the bar?"
So my wife (f30) and I (m30) attended a wedding this past weekend. Also, my ex-GF Anne (31f) and her husband Jared (31f) attended the same wedding. For some historical context, I’ve had two serious relationships in my life. Anne and I dated for 4 years and it ended with her cheating on me.
At the time, Jared was the one who witnessed it (it wasn’t him) and called me immediately to tell me about it. Jared and I grew up together and were best friends for a long time. After this relationship with Anne ended, I met my now wife and we’ve been happily married for 6 years. We have a beautiful boy together and couldn’t be happier.
About 2 years ago, Jared reached out and asked me if it would be okay if he could start dating Anne. Summarizing, my response was, “I can’t tell you who to date, and that I would distance myself from him/her as I don’t allow crazy into my life." He told me he understood.
A month later he let me know they were dating and still wanted me in my life. I held firm with my boundary even though I considered him my best friend and really looked up to him. Fast forwarding, they are now married and are expecting a little boy in the fall.
Back to the wedding night this weekend. My wife and I congratulated both Anne and Jared in person and we had a pleasant catch up/conversation between the 4 of us. Afterwards, we all went to an after party at a very crowded bar. Jared and I were both pretty inebriated at this point. He proceeded to tell me he missed me and loved me and was glad that we were going to be best friends again.
I paused for a second and then told him that while I love him, nothing has changed. It is okay that we grew apart and we don’t need each other in our lives. He proceeded to bawl in front of the rest of wedding party/our wives/the rest of the bar. This made me (and many others) really uncomfortable. So, AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
LookingForHope87 said:
NTA. You set a boundary to avoid any more drama with her. I'm not sure why, out of the billions of people in the world, he had to pick her, but he's the one who decided to get with her, knowing how she hurt you. Freedom of choice doesn't mean freedom from consequences.
Prudii_Skirata said:
NTA. You told him the cost and he was still willing to pay it. His buyer's remorse is neither your fault nor your problem.
Performance_Lanky said:
NTA Whilst I do feel for Jared, (drunk, happy, his ex best friend is talking to him for the first time in a long time), he needs to understand the difference between civility and friendship.
winterworld561 said:
NTA at all. You set boundaries and you're maintaining them. He assumed all was ok but you simply told him nothing has changed. I'm baffled why he would marry woman who cheated on his best friend. I'm sorry but he's not really a friend.
Lost-Imagination-995 said:
NTA. You told your friend that him choosing to go forward with his relationship would have repercussions for your friendship. Maybe he thought that given time you would come around and that you all could coexist in a friendly foursome who could eat out together etc. Restating that your feelings haven't changed is not something you should feel bad about, it's your personal boundary and he knew that.
No_Ninja5808 said:
NTA. He knew your boundary, and was hoping you would drop it to suit HIS needs. He chose to marry your ex knowing what she did to you. So many woman out there, and he picked someone from your past. He made his bed, and must now be okay with it. I hope no one makes you feel guilty for staying firm.