Man offended by groom's wedding guest list; 'How could you exclude my GF?' AITA?

"AITAH for just only asking my friend why my GF wasn’t invited to his wedding ceremony?"

I (24) have been with my girlfriend(23) for 7 months now. One of my close friends in the group is getting married at the end of month and just invited me to his wedding a few days ago. However he didn’t invite my Gf. As it’s a pretty small ceremony with close friends and family.

None of my other friends are also able to bring their partners or spouses as well. The main reason he gave was the fact that he if he allowed my partner to come he would have to allow our other friend’s partners to come as well which would take up space for guests which is mum was planning on bringing.

She was understandingly disappointed as this also happened a few months ago with another wedding that i attended which was small and didn’t allow us to bring our partner’s as he only had limited amount of guests due costs and several other reasons which meant he was only able to invite 13 people on his side for the wedding.

I understand and think she’s seems to be disappointed on the fact that i just only asked and that i didn’t push harder, which probably makes her feel like I’m being nonchalant and not wanting her there. Which isn’t the case at all as i would love to have her there with me to create a special memory together.

It’s just i know how hard my friend had to fight to even get this wedding to happen in the first place and understand that he isn’t going to budge or compromise on something that would make the situation more stressful.

The fact that this is traditional south Asian Muslim wedding and that the men and women r kept separate is also probably playing a factor as well.

My gf has only met a handful of my friends and not all of them ( not including the friend that is getting married.

Which she has not met yet) where else i have met most of her friends seems be having a bigger effect on why she feels like I’m keeping her away and this happening twice in a row in the the space of a few months is making the situation feel like a lot more like I’m not including her in my life for big events. Which isn’t the case for me at all but idk if i handle the situation poorly or not.

Let's see what readers thought:

owlcradin writes:

NTA. It seems like the question at hand is whether it was appropriate for you to have not pushed harder for an invite to be extended to your GF. If she has an expectation that you 'try harder' she is being unreasonable.

As a guest, you are not entitled to a plus-one and especially given the details around this circumstance, it would be extremely rude and wildly arrogant to think your GF should be the exception (or for your GF to feel she should be).

It's unfortunate that this has happened twice, and it's unfortunate the couple isn't able to find ways to celebrate with a bigger crowd of people but honestly is your GF just salty at being excluded when she doesn't have a good reason to even BE included?

It doesn't sound like she even cares that much about the couple themselves. It's up to you if you decide not to go without her because you're a package deal - as a guest you can certainly decline. But demanding the couple make room for extra people is a NO NO.

carimgn writes:

NTA. She needs to grow up a little and accept that a wedding invite isn't a God given right. No ring no invite policies are pretty common when it comes to friends and weddings, so fiancées and spouses are invited girlfriends are not.

The groom is quite right. If you get a plus one then either everyone gets a plus one or he risks causing offence to those who don't get one. And that is potentially hundreds if not thousands extra in terms of catering costs.

I'd also point out that this is a friend's wedding, it's not like it's immediate family. She complains you're not including her in your life for big events, but the thing is, it's not a big event in your life. It's a big even in your friend's life that you are invited to. That is a very different thing from it being a big event in your life.

gares8 writes:

Your NTA for asking your friend, but he gave you a pretty clear and understandable answer, and he's apparently not inviting any other GFs or spouses so it's not like you are being treated differently.

As far as your GF, she should be able to understand that and there are other places you can introduce her to your friends besides a wedding... invite them over for a BBQ or go out to dinner or a concert or whatever. Bottom line... Weddings are damn expensive.

agujp writes:

NTA. It would be rude and upsetting to your friend if you had pushed further to invite your girlfriend. It's not your wedding, it's not your decision who to invite. If you feel like she wants to know more of the people in your world, the time for that would be a coffee/brunch meetup or an evening get together.

A wedding isn't the best place for her to learn more about your friends, but a small social gathering might help her feel better if this is a regular issue for her.