'AITA for laughing at a childfree woman wanting to be a housewife?'
"AITA for laughing at a childfree woman wanting to be a housewife?"
I've been online dating for quite a while. My profile very clearly states,” I'm dating with marriage as the end goal.'
I matched a few weeks ago with a charming woman who said she also was dating with the intent to get married, with the caveat of wanting a traditional relationship where she would be a housewife.
I agree that I would be happy with that arrangement, in the future. We chat about a variety of subjects and set up a date for an early dinner two weeks out (today).
Much to my surprise, during the date, she casually mentions she doesn't want children. In my confusion, I ask her, “but you said you were looking to become a housewife?” She responds, “you can be a housewife and still not want children.'
Admittedly, I did chuckle, but it wasn't a full belly roar of a laugh, just a chuckle. She took great offense to my laugh and asks, “why can't she be childfree and a housewife.'
My response was, ”what will you be doing all day?” She says, ”what do older housewives do after their children go off on their own” my response was, “usually back to work.'
I told her it's going to be next to impossible to find a man willing to take that deal. She gets angry and leaves. I tell my sister and she thinks I “crushed that poor woman's dreams.' Am I the a%@&ole, for telling her the truth?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
I don’t think you fully believe that and are being deliberately obtuse.
Celt1CStorm OP responded:
I 100% percent believe there is no use for a housewife if kids are not involved. I don't need another adult to cook and clean for me.
However, if I had kids and more cooking and cleaning needed to be done because of said kids. Yes, a housewife would be tremendously beneficial. I have a ton of respect for housewives.
YTA. If she did all the house cleaning and the errands, I'll marry her right this second. And I'm a straight woman.
nickrashell said:
YTA. It is incredibly rude to laugh in someone’s face who is being genuine and honest with you. It’s also not that crazy that, if her future partner makes enough that she doesn’t need to work, then she can stay home.
My wife didn’t work for several years before we even decided to have kids. I didn’t want her to have to work. Seems pretty dumb to me to take up someone’s free time for no real reason, again so long as finances can be managed by one of you. What will she do?
Watch tv, see her family and friends, be stress free, feel happier. I don’t know why you wouldn’t want that for the person you love if you have the opportunity to provide it.
You may think her way of thinking is childish as you smugly laughed at the premise. It is even more childish to live in this world where everything needs to be fair and if I have to work you have to work too.
warrinerdot said:
NAH. She is allowed to have a (somewhat delusional but technically possible) dream. You are allowed to decline to support it and give your opinion on it.
Few_Bumblebee_3224 said:
YTA. Just because you don't like the idea doesn't mean it can't happen to her.
Bunny_Biscuits said:
I have a friend who was laid-off a few years back after over 20 years with her company. Her husband still works outside the home. Instead of a second career, they decided she’d be a stay at home wife.
She takes care of the house, cooks, and gardens. She treats it like a 9 to 5 job. Their house is immaculate; it looks like a model home. She’s happy and her husband is thrilled to come home to a great dinner and a gorgeous home that their friends are jealous of.
ElegantAnt said:
YTA She wasn't asking for the impossible - there are plenty of housewives without children. Most of them occupy themselves by doing all the work that it takes to maintain a home and strong family and community connections.
Sounds like you shut her down before she could give you any details. It's OK to not want to support a wife if that's not your thing, but being openly disdainful is not.