What happens, though, when you're so frustrated with feeling left out of your spouse's family events that you play a seemingly harmless prank on them to prove a point? So, when a disgruntled man consulted the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about his decision to send his twin to his wife's Christmas party, people were quick to help deem a verdict.
I am 31, and have an identical twin brother. For a while I’ve told my wife that none of her family members notice me or care about anything I do on Christmas Eve but they insist on me attending.
She told me that’s not true, they genuinely like me and enjoy talking to me. But I know that the only times they’ve included me I had to basically insert myself into conversations and it feels awkward and unnatural.
So I had a wager with my wife. Bring my twin brother Steve instead of me, and see if anyone notices. I purposefully did not prep Steve on anything, he went in completely clueless (he knew why we were doing it and was game. I gave him $20.)
As I suspected, Steve confirmed that he wasn’t approached all night, nobody could tell he wasn’t me, and he admitted he even felt excluded and he could only imagine how I felt.
So this morning on Christmas I invited Steve to join (normally he’s with my mom and dad every year as he’s not married or in a relationship.) They know about him obviously but didn’t know about the switcheroo.
That was when I revealed that last night “I” was Steve and expressed disappointment that nobody noticed and said this is why I stopped trying, nobody talks to me.
My wife drew the line here, she was hoping we would keep this between the two of us as a funny prank. But how can I expect her family to see what jerks they’ve been if I don’t expose it? For what it's worth, Steve was fine.
I think this is a severe case of ESH (Everyone Sucks Here).
You were fine up until the public confrontation. That was completely unnecessary, and puts you firmly in YTA (You're the As*hole) territory.
ESH, minus your wife really. The family sucks for giving so little of a f*ck about you but you also suck for feeling you had to bring up the issue on Christmas Day. Not only does that make people feel super sh*tty (be it anger, guilt, sadness or whatever), but you also risk making the situation worse and ruining a day that the family were likely looking forward to.
ESH. Well done though, if they were merely indifferent to you before, they surely hate you now. Nobody likes to feel they have been made a fool of. They are unlikely to see themselves as arseholes (although clearly they are). But they'll certainly view you as one.
ESH. Your in-laws seem like as*holes, but publicly shaming them without consulting your wife first was a major dick move. Since she was complicit in the plan, you telling off your in-laws reflects on her too, so you should've consulted with her and decided what to do together.
While the opinions were slightly mixed for this one, most people agreed that everyone is at fault here. Yes, even you, Steve. Good luck, everyone...hopefully next Christmas won't be as awkward?