Man plans divorce after discovering his 5-year-old daughter isn't his, 'I no longer want to raise her.' AITA?
"AITA for wanting to divorce my wife and abandon her child after learning the child isn't mine?"
I (32m) have been married to my wife (32f) for 7 years. We have one child (5f). Let me tell you, I truly thought she was the love of my life. But over the last year or so, we did have issues and lost a lot of that spark. Needless to say, I was still close with my wife and daughter.
Well a few months back, a friend of mine, we can call Jack (32m) asked to meet me, which I found odd. He seemed quite drunk when I met him and he essentially spilled his guts to me that he had been having an affair with my wife years ago, starting shortly after I got married to my wife. It was continous.
Man, at that point, I was boiling with rage and wanted to smack the sh$% out of him. I tried to resist my impulses, but ended up slapping him anyway. Which he took, but I held myself back from hitting him again.
When I confronted my wife, she tearfully admitted to all of it but begged me not to leave her. She said it was a mistake and you can imagine the rest. I told her I am packing my shit and leaving to my parents place. I told her I wanted a paternity test too, which made her meltdown even more.
Well I found out the child wasn't mine. I was seething. Every time I look at the child, I was reminded of humiliation and rage. I no longer wanted to raise the child.
I hope one day I can have a family and have a child that is actually my own. I communicated all of this to my soon-to-be-ex-wife. She is calling me heartless for wanting to abandon my child. I told her I am not doing this. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
DownShatCreek said:
NTA. Lawyer up before some judge decides you're the one who gets the bill.
AlwaysHelpful22 said:
It’s not your job to raise another man’s innocent child. Tell your wife you’re done and tell your ex-friend to step-up. NTA.
That_Buy110 said:
It is a hard world. NTA. Your wife did this thing, not you. You are a victim here as much as the little girl. Yeah, maybe you should remain positive contact with the child. It is unfair to her.
But the reality is that you are wounded and may not be able to. And, the harsh reality is, that she is another man's child - he is her father. THAT is where the bond should be built. If she knows who the father is, that is the person your ex wife should reach out to - and she may not be sure.
fakyuhbish said:
NTA. The audacity to call you heartless when she conned you to knowingly raised a child that isn't yours. It wasn't a mistake. I hope you know that! She planned to f'd your friend and let you raise his seed.
You have every right to leave this bs situation. Make sure that your "friend" step up and take legal procedures to be the father of the kid. So you will not be pinned financially to her kid.
AltruisticGuava9935 said:
NTA. It's an overwhelming shock to have the foundation of your family shaken like that. Deciding not to continue raising the child as your own doesn't erase the past five years of love and care you've given, but your feelings of betrayal are valid. It's time for the biological father to step up to the plate.
IrisAngela said:
NTA. The feeling of betrayal is monumental, and you're not responsible for fixing what your wife broke. It's heart-wrenching, but the child's well-being now rests with her biological parents. It’s not on you to bear the weight of another man's responsibility.