Man plans to skip wife's cousin's wedding, 'I don't know her at all.' AITA? UPDATED

"WIBTA if I extended my stay at my parents' house and missed my wife's cousin's wedding?"

My wife and I are on vacation in my native country. I lived here until I was 18 when I moved to Canada. My wife was born Canadian but her parents moved from the same country I did. We have a 1 year old daughter too. My parents still live in my native country.

My parents and her relatives live in different parts of the country. So we landed at her relatives, I spent a day there said my goodbyes to my wife and daughter and flew to my parents. The plan was that I would spend two weeks at my parents, then fly to my wife's for 3 days, attend her cousin's wedding with her, we would all fly back to my parents for a few days my parents got to see my daughter then fly back to Canada.

A couple of days ago, my relatives had decided to arrange a hangout for the entire family at the beach, huts booked and all. Some other relatives of mine that live in other countries are also here at the time so it's supposed to be a good family gathering. But it's scheduled for the day of my wife's cousin's wedding.

A couple of my uncles called me to ask me to change my plans so I could attend, and my parents want me to be there too. I thought of changing my flight to later, so I'd be going after the wedding for just a day, and then coming back with my wife and daughter.

I told my wife about this, and I was pretty sure she'd be on board, because even though she's very close to her cousin, I don't know her at all. However, she got really upset, saying we had a plan, that she wanted me to be there at the wedding with her, that she wanted good photos of our family.

I tried to explain that it would mean a lot to my family if I could make it, that they don't make these plans often, and the wedding is all her relatives, a lot of whom don't know me. She got really upset, wouldn't hear of it, and said I need to be there.

We ended the call. WIBTA if I extended my stay and missed her cousin's wedding whom I don't know because my relatives have planned a grand gathering and would like me here?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Ok-Position7403 siaD:

Sorry, YWBTA. You asked her input, she gave it. Yes, it would mean a lot to your relatives if you stayed but apparently it would mean a lot to your wife if you came to the wedding.

It may sound unfair but ultimately- it's more in your interest to make her happy, than to make some relatives happy. You did have a plan. Did you not inform your relatives ahead of time that you would be there, and when? Sounds like this all could have been planned better.

boring_person13 said:

YTA Do you not parent your daughter at all? She's 1 and you want to send your wife alone to a wedding with a toddler. That's just crazy.

sheramom4 said:

YTA. Your wife has already been solo parenting for two weeks. Now you want her to go to a wedding, toddler in tow, without your assistance so that you can further extend your vacation. When does your wife get a vacation without your child?

WebAcceptable7932 said:

YTA. You backed out on previously made plans. Let’s not forget putting extra parenting duties on your wife.

FunBodybuilder4620 said:

YTA, and so are your parents. She wants you there to have a fun /fancy family night. Now you want to ditch because something better came along. Sorry, that’s what you are doing.

Proud-Geek1019 said:

YWBTA. Ditching plans because something better came along is always an AH move. You’re acting like your wife and child isn’t the most important family to you.

UPDATE:

I had received a justifiably harsh response to my last post and I can't thank everyone enough for that. I realized I was being a selfish AH, and I went to attend the wedding.

I had a really good time there. It felt really good to see my wife and daughter after two weeks. I was prepared to apologize to my wife's parents too for my reluctance, but fortunately she hadn't told them I was considering not coming during the few hours when I was undecided.

I had to meet and greet a lot of people. My wife was the first amongst her cousins to get married, so I guess I'm the first outsider to become a part of the family so I spent a lot of time talking to her relatives, and got to know a few of them too.

She's very close to her cousin so she was basically what our equivalent of maid of honor is. She had a lot of stuff to deal with and I was making myself of use by keeping our daughter preoccupied. They had planned a lot of things, family pictures, couples dinner with the bride and groom, and I was honestly in awe of the planning that went into it.

I'd been feeling pretty ashamed of how much trouble I would've caused her had I not gone. She asked me a few times if I enjoyed myself which would make me feel even worse about it.

My parents were disappointed about me not attending the family gathering and it sounds like it was fun, but I've realized nothing is worth not being there for my wife and daughter. Thank you all for the AH verdict, I needed it.

Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:

Artichoke-8951 said:

I'm glad you honored your promise to your wife.

IAmTAAlways said:

Wow dude, she was the MOH and you still considered leaving your infant child in her care only? You're lucky she even allows you to speak to her still. My husband would be in the doghouse for a loooonnnngggg time.

TableNo8832 said:

You made the right choice in the end being with your wife and daughter. If your parents are that desperate to spend time with you they can make plans to come to you.

littlebitfunny21 said:

Have you addressed yet with your family how hurtful it is that they picked one of the few days you weren't available and expected you to change plans last minute? Because that really needs to be done. It's sh%tty AF that they had the audacity to ask you to cancel on your wife like that.

gingersnap0523 said:

I'm glad you went to the wedding. A piece of advice: think more in terms of "we" and "us" and not "me" and "you". I read your initial post and it was just about you. Your family wanted you to stay, her family you don't know, etc. When you married your wife, you became a team.

Don't run with this as that neither of you can ever have solo interests. But the plan was to be at the wedding. Never did you mention in your post that you considered your wife's feelings. You need to make decisions based on what's good for the team, not just what's good for you and all others be damned. Add in a kid, and this becomes 10x more important.

If you really understand this, apologize to your wife again. But not about the surface level of you not attending, but for failing to consider her wants/needs and feelings when you were contemplating this decision.