Man plans to leave wife when they're trying to get pregnant, 'she did not take it well.' AITA?
"WIBTA for leaving my wife when we're trying to get pregnant?"
My (32M) wife (30F) has 12 siblings and they all have a few kids. She's the only one without children. When I met her, her family always joked that she'd never have kids because she didn't want them, she was eternally the world's best aunt. This almost ended our relationship early but she informed me that she could take them or leave them. It's just never been a priority and something she did actively avoid.
After a year of dating she told me that I was the kind of man she could give babies to, because she felt comfortable knowing that I would be there for her. Her family is all across the South from Florida to Louisiana. My family is small and nestled against a great lake.
Two years ago, a year into marriage I showed her if we could move closer to my family because my parents weren't doing well. She agreed but said she didn't want to stay a family there because the cold is very hard on her body, we would have to send kids to private school for either of us to feel safe or like they were getting an education, and all her hobbies need warmer weather/water.
She'll only be able to participate in them at most three months out of the year here. I agreed because all of that was reasonable. Well we've been here for 2 years and the cold hasn't been that hard on her body, but because of water conditions and pollution she actually gets to participate in her hobbies less than anticipated.
My father passed away, and my mom isn't doing great but I have fallen in love with getting to be an uncle to my nieces. I've never lived around them before but it's the best and I feel really guilty leaving my sisters after my parents are gone. Wife and I are trying for a baby and we're actually waiting to see if it took this time. I admitted to her that I want to stay, but would be willing retire south.
She did not take it well. We fought to the point that she said if I wanted to stay so bad I could have the kid and we could stay and she'd pay child support and summers. Now my head is swimming. WIBTA for breaking it off or at least asking for separation?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Maleficent_Virus_556 said:
Wow you waited until she was almost positively pregnant to pull this didn’t you? She was open with you the whole way. You are a toxic person.
LeaJadis said:
YTA, she loves you so much that’s she’s given up everything for you. No hobbies, living in cold, changing her mind about pregnancy. You haven’t sacrificed anything for her. Do you love your nieces more than your wife?
EmpressPear said:
YTA. Your wife and future family take priority over your nieces and nephews. You and your wife had an agreement and only now after she might be pregnant are you pulling the rug out from under her? Majorly TA.
Simple_Proof_721 said:
YTA. She's supported you through and through, and even was honest about the future and what she wants and you repay her by continuing to take and take and not giving an inch back in return.
And not that she's not supposed to, she is, she's your wife and life partner. Why are you not willing to be one for her too though? Are you not ashamed of failing her this badly? You're not a husband right now, you're a user.
Ladyughsalot1 said:
YTA All I see here is “She got significantly less than expected but me me me meeeeee” Your sisters need you less than your WIFE. You pulled a bait and switch and it’s gross.
shammy_dammy said:
YTA. Sounds like you deliberately suckered her into this move to get her where you wanted to be. Honestly, she needs to hope she's not pregnant and start filing paperwork for divorce.