'AITA for punishing my daughter for making us all worried?' UPDATED
"AITA for punishing my daughter for making us all worried?"
My wife and I have a son(17M) together. Sixteen years ago, I was drunk and slept with another woman, resulting in another child (16F). My wife forgave me but made it clear that she didn't want to be near my daughter. I have my daughter every other weekend, and my wife would go to her parent's home whenever she was with me.
A few days ago, we were going out with my extended family, and my daughter was also invited, but her mom wasn't invited. She asked me if I could give her a ride, and I said yes, but when my wife found out, she said that while she doesn't have a problem with my daughter being there, she doesn't want her to come with us.
I tried to change her mind, but I couldn't, so I asked my brothers if they would bring my daughter with them. They both said yes, so I called my daughter and told her I had some problem and asked her to come with one of her uncles, and she said it was ok.
Well, we went there, and both my brothers came, and my daughter wasn't with either of them. They both said my daughter told them she was going with the other.
I called her, and her mom and all her friends but no one knew where she was so everyone just left to search for her, and after a few hours, my son found her. I was so mad at her that I yelled at her and told her how she worried us. I took away her car (that I bought for her) as a punishment.
Her mom has been calling me, saying I'm an a**hole, and demanding I give her the car back.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
CleanCucumber620 says:
YTA (You're the A**@ole). I'm sorry I get that your wife is upset with your cheating, but she is putting all her anger and hurt feelings onto your daughter. You have two children; if your wife can't see that, you should end this relationship. Your daughter deserves to have her dad in her life as much as your son does.
If your son can come with you to an event, so should your daughter. And if you want to support your wife and can't stick up for your child, then she is better off without you.
a_small_moth_of_prey says:
YTA for making your daughter feel unwelcome and unwanted and then punishing her for acting out instead of sympathizing with her. She is not responsible for your infidelity. It is not fair that you let your wife punish her for your mistake.
OP wanted stability so much he just decided sure I’ll treat my kid as an inconvenience. Thanks for the forgiveness! Gross.
This. All these yrs his wife has been punishing the only person not at fault in this situation. I’m disgusted that you all went along with this at the expense of your daughter. You and your wife are total a%$#oles for what you have done to your daughter. And fyi you really suck for taking away her car.
[deleted]
ESH. your wife needs to grow up and accept that either she has forgiveness you, or she hasn't. If she hasn't, she needs to pony up and divorce you.
Her being upset with you over your infidelity does NOT excuse her taking out her anger and frustrations on a literal CHILD. The kid did not choose for you to cheat on your wife and have her be the result. Super ridiculous to blame an innocent party for YOUR stepping out on her.
And you!! You are allowing your wife to treat your daughter like s%$#t because it's easier than standing up to your wife, since your daughter was the result of your betrayal of her.
OP made some updates:
To clarify, she didn't drive there because it had a dangerous road and she is not a good driver, so I told her she is not allowed to go there
Ok, everyone, I got it. I'm the a**#ole. I gave her the car back. It seems like everyone thought I was taking the car forever. I wasn't. It was just supposed to be for a month. I tried to talk to her, but she didn't want to talk.
However, she spoke to my son, and he told me she was distraught and didn't come because she thought I didn't want her there, and the reason she didn't tell us where she was going was, as I guessed, to ruin my day and make me angry. I called her and apologized and told her that we were going out again and promised she'd come with me this time, and she seemed happy about it.
I also told my wife that as much as I wanted her to go with us, she needed to find someone else to give her a ride if she couldn't be in the same car as my daughter. She left for her parent's home, and I'm not sure what she will do.