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Man asks if he was wrong to punish daughter he had while cheating. UPDATED.

Man asks if he was wrong to punish daughter he had while cheating. UPDATED.

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Coming back from cheating is hard. Coming back from cheating and getting someone else pregnant is harder. Raising the child that was a product of your cheating while also having a healthy relationship with your original spouse is the hardest.

On a popular Reddit thread in the Am I the A**hole Subreddit, a man tries his best to do all the above.

'AITA for punishing my daughter for making us all worried?'

My wife and I have a son(17M) together. Sixteen years ago, I was drunk and slept with another woman, resulting in another child (16F). My wife forgave me but made it clear that she didn't want to be near my daughter. I have my daughter every other weekend, and my wife would go to her parent's home whenever she was with me.

An obvious boundary.

A few days ago, we were going out with my extended family, and my daughter was also invited, but her mom wasn't invited. She asked me if I could give her a ride, and I said yes, but when my wife found out, she said that while she doesn't have a problem with my daughter being there, she doesn't want her to come with us.

I tried to change her mind, but I couldn't, so I asked my brothers if they would bring my daughter with them. They both said yes, so I called my daughter and told her I had some problem and asked her to come with one of her uncles, and she said it was ok.

Uh-oh, someone dropped the ball.

Well, we went there, and both my brothers came, and my daughter wasn't with either of them. They both said my daughter told them she was going with the other.

If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.

I called her, and her mom and all her friends but no one knew where she was so everyone just left to search for her, and after a few hours, my son found her. I was so mad at her that I yelled at her and told her how she worried us. I took away her car (that I bought for her) as a punishment.

Unless you were innocent.

Her mom has been calling me, saying I'm an a**hole, and demanding I give her the car back.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

CleanCucumber620 says:

YTA (You're the A**hole). I'm sorry I get that your wife is upset with your cheating, but she is putting all her anger and hurt feelings onto your daughter. You have two children; if your wife can't see that, you should end this relationship. Your daughter deserves to have her dad in her life as much as your son does.

If your son can come with you to an event, so should your daughter. And if you want to support your wife and can't stick up for your child, then she is better off without you.

a_small_moth_of_prey says:

YTA for making your daughter feel unwelcome and unwanted and then punishing her for acting out instead of sympathizing with her. She is not responsible for your infidelity. It is not fair that you let your wife punish her for your mistake.

SomeoneYouDontKnow70 says:

ESH (Everyone Sucks Here). You are TA for letting your wife mistreat your daughter like this. Weirdly, your wife can forgive you for your infidelity while taking her anger and frustration out on an innocent girl who had nothing to do with the poor choices you made. What did your daughter ever do to deserve being ostracized?

I can't blame your 16-year-old daughter for not wanting to come to an event that has already made her feel unwelcome, but I think the way she turned down the invitation was wrong. She should have confronted you outright instead of passive-aggressively telling each of her potential rides that she already had the transportation covered.

I'm far more willing to forgive a 16-year-old's short-term thoughtlessness over the chronic abuse inflicted by a spineless grown man and his shrew of a wife.

As for taking the car, let me tell you how this will play out long term. She will eventually realize that she doesn't need a darn thing from you and that you can keep your stupid gifts if you're going to hold them hostage to her placid compliance.

Ten years from now, you will wonder why she never calls or visits. You will likely have forgotten all about this situation by then, but I guarantee she will still remember.

OP made some updates:

Edit: To clarify, she didn't drive there because it had a dangerous road and she is not a good driver, so I told her she is not allowed to go there

Edit: ok, everyone, I got it. I'm the a**hole. I gave her the car back. It seems like everyone thought I was taking the car forever. I wasn't. It was just supposed to be for a month. I tried to talk to her, but she didn't want to talk.

However, she spoke to my son, and he told me she was distraught and didn't come because she thought I didn't want her there, and the reason she didn't tell us where she was going was, as I guessed, to ruin my day and make me angry. I called her and apologized and told her that we were going out again and promised she'd come with me this time, and she seemed happy about it.

I also told my wife that as much as I wanted her to go with us, she needed to find someone else to give her a ride if she couldn't be in the same car as my daughter. She left for her parent's home, and I'm not sure what she will do.

OP, I implore you to do the right thing here, which I can say with utmost confidence that I have no idea what that actually is.

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