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Man puts his foot down with ex-wife; 'I'm NOT giving you money for your other children.' AITA?

Man puts his foot down with ex-wife; 'I'm NOT giving you money for your other children.' AITA?


When this man is concerned that he's not being a good ex-husband, he asks the internet:

"AITA for refusing to give my ex extra money for her other children?"

My ex-wife and I have a 9 year old son together. We broke up when he was 1 after I found out she was cheating on me.

Right after I left her she told me she was pregnant and attempted to pass the baby off as mine but I knew based on how far along she was that it couldn't be mine.

We hadn't been together like that for months at that point. But she kept trying until she was 5 months when she conceded that I wasn't buying it.

Her baby was stillborn at 7 months and what was already a bitter enough divorce (I was mad she cheated, she was mad that I refused to buy that her kid was mine and didn't want to make our marriage work). When she lost the baby she did everything she could to make me pay for the cremation.

She even attempted to sue me for the money when I didn't give her anything but it was thrown out. During the divorce we had a DNA test done on our son and he was mine. And we split custody.

My ex has been in a few relationships since and has three additional children. She remarried a few months ago and she's currently pregnant with baby #5 but she's struggling and so is her marriage.

She wrote a very long email about all this and asked me to give her extra money for two of her kids who have birthdays coming up and she has nothing for them because money is so tight.

She also told me to take our son shopping for gifts for them on top of giving her money directly for gifts. I thought she was going crazy at first but she was serious.

I told her that would not be happening. That my duty is to my son and not to her additional children.

She told me my duty is to make sure his family is taken care of. I told her I take care of my kid. I pay child support despite having our son equally to her (50/50) because it's acknowledged I earn more.

But I won't be paying for her to have more kids with other people. She called me heartless. Told me I can easily afford it and then some. She said I was just as heartless as when I made sure her stillborn child didn't have a nice funeral. AITA?

Let's see what readers thought:

greaattt writes:

If I were you I would document the interactions and use her financial situation as a reason you should have full custody. Since she is having issue proving for all of her kids without your assistance you can gladly take your son full time and she can have visitation.

I would also ask to see where your child support payments are being used. That the are only used to care for your child and not the others. She tried to pawn off one kid as yours now she's doing it again with 2 more when she has a husband.

Also are you sure your child is properly treated at his mother's? Do his siblings treat him differently because he has more? NTA.

wisegirl writes:

NTA. Your son is the only child you're responsible for. You owe her and her other children absolutely nothing.

I do agree with all of the other commenters who have mentioned forwarding the emails to your lawyer so you can use them to try and get full custody of your son because she clearly can't provide for him or her other children.

Really, you'd be doing her a favor by getting full custody because that would be one less child for her to provide for.

lateonset writes:

You're clear on your obligations, she has confused her new husband's obligations with yours. Their finance details are none of your business and tell her to stop sharing her woes because it's not your problem.

You should seek full custody based on the fact she can't afford that family and you worry she is taking away from your son's benefits based on what she said "in this email". She won't easily agree to that because they both want your money. NTA.

grannywine writes:

NTA, your ex is extremely entitled and still trying to avoid accountability for the choices she has made. Unfortunately, her choices have consequences that are negatively impacting her children, including yours.

It is your responsibility to provide for your child only. It is up to her and her current husband to provide for the others, including getting child support from the other baby daddy's and not having more children than you can provide for.

It would be highly advisable for you to begin building a case for you to have more custodial time with your son, as I have a feeling it will be in his best interest to not be viewed as a source of income to your ex.

While that would mean she would no longer have the income from your child support payments, it would not necessarily mean you would need to accept support payments from her.

choosein writes:

NTA, for sure. However, your son is at an age where he can be thoughtful about the gifts he wants to give the important people in his life. I would say that if he has a nice idea of his own for a gift for his siblings, you should consider paying for it as an investment in your son and his own development,

rather than as a favor to your ex. You should also be careful about how you give him money as you lay the groundwork for his responsible spending habits, as it sounds like his mother might find herself desperate enough to pressure him for money or even to take it from him.

By paying for the gifts yourself, or having him use his allowance that is kept at your home, you encourage him and protect him at the same time

What do YOU make of OP's story? Any advice for him?

Sources: Reddit
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