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Man reaches mental breaking point at 18th birthday party; 'My whole life has been about my sister.' AITA? UPDATED 2X

Man reaches mental breaking point at 18th birthday party; 'My whole life has been about my sister.' AITA? UPDATED 2X


When this 18 year old boy is furious with his sister and parents, he asks the internet:

"Parents made every single birthday about my sister for the last 8 years and I'm done. AITA?"

I've been to some counseling, and talking about this in particular really helped. So I thought why not just tell it online too. So I am.

I'm 18 this year. And fairly recently on my own from my parents. I have a sister about 10 years younger than me. She was an unplanned pregnancy, and nearly didn't make it to term.

I don't know many of the details of how rough my mother's second pregnancy was since I was never told much. But I do know that it was so hard on her body that my mother could no longer have kids after my sister was born.

She was in and out of the hospital repeatedly that year. My mother almost didn't survive the birth either. It made her and my father latch onto my little sister because she could have potentially never been born.

And ever since then, I felt like I was just the other kid in the house. Except for when they needed me as a free babysitter. The level of favoritism my parents showed long term has me believing they were genuinely sick in the head for not noticing exactly what it was doing to me. And now it's rebounding on them, which I'll explain here.

Starting with my 11th birthday, my parents wanted me to let my sister blow out my candles because she was 2 years old, and cried at the sight of a birthday cake that wasn't hers.

I didn't want to do it. But my parents forced me into it. They relit the candles for me to do it again after her. But the moment felt completely ruined. The same thing happened the next year, and the year after that, and so on and so forth. They just kept forcing it until it became the norm.

My sister had to have presents on my birthdays as well. I never got any on hers either. And when I asked why, they just told me that I'm a boy, and boys don't need to worry about it as much. I know I was a kid, but did they really think that was a smart thing to say?

Not really... And my parents would always choose a place my sister would like to be at more than me on my own birthday. Eventually it became more like my sister was getting two birthdays a year, and I got none.

Beyond this my parents made their entire lives revolve around my sister. If there's something I wanted to do, my sister had to want to do it too. Otherwise it was vetoed unless I could do it alone. I learned to just lock myself in my room with my video games because they didn't seem to bother me there.

Unless my sister wanted to come running in to annoy me. Hence why I put a lock on the door. My parents wanted me to remove it. But I freaked out because I was an angry teenager who was tired of being intruded on at any given time.

My sister came running in more than once when I had no clothes on. And my parents were upset at me for being naked, IN MY OWN ROOM! When I pointed out how ludicrous that was, they withdrew their objection and just let me keep the lock.

My sister developed quite the princess complex because of how she was being spoiled on a daily basis. And she was very demanding. So I stayed away from her as much as I feasibly could.

Whatever excuse I could use to not have to deal with her. Even if I had to make stuff up just to have time to myself. My parents hired a teen girl babysitter and I got more personal time. And then the babysitter quit because my sister wouldn't listen to her and my parents tried to keep from paying by saying she did a bad job.

The girl got some other people involved and my parents finally paid her what they owed her. Then they hired another girl to babysit on the regular. And this one stayed. But my parents still made it clear that I was to be watching my sister any day I had free.

Which I went out of my way to make busy at my part time job if I could. My sister treated me as her personal butler and ordered me around. She even had a stupid nickname for me she wouldn't stop using.

Just hearing that nickname makes my blood boil! And if I didn't give her everything she wanted, she'd cry and call our parents. And then I'd be in trouble for "Mistreating her".

We had many massive arguments because of this. And after I refused to yield anymore, my relationship with my parents devolved into barely any words spoken between us for some time.

And yet, during my high school graduation they had the nerve to brag to other parents that they were the reason I worked so hard. Well they weren't wrong.

But the reason they were thinking of was not the one that actually happened. I worked hard just biding my time for when I'd be free.

But my parents acted like they'd done so much. Maybe they did before my sister was born. But afterwards it was all about her. They didn't even ask me about school until parent teacher conferences came up.

I graduated with a B and C average. And after my graduation my parents just took me to some place where my sister would always have more fun than me, even though the trip was supposed to be for me.

On my 18th birthday in July though, things really boiled to the surface. Even though it was my 18th, it didn't feel like it was about me at all. I hoped to god that we were going to my favorite restaurant for once.

But no, they had the party at the local knock-off Chuck-E-Cheese. Which is the only place like it nearby to us. So it was the defacto celebratory destination whenever anything big was achieved.

Including my high school graduation. I did say it was a place my sister would enjoy more than me. I was surrounded by kids half my age having parties. And I was so bored with nothing to do but eat mediocre pizza, and play claw machines and dated arcade games for tickets to cheaply made prizes that brought me no joy.

Then when it was time for cake, my parents came out with one that was pink with white flowers on it. Sure it had my name on it. But it was very obviously not a boy's cake, and there was only ten candles. My parents lit the candles and set it right in front of my sister to blow out.

That's when it finally happened. I just had this mental moment of all the pent-up hate mentally flashing before me, and then I just started ugly crying. I, an 18 year old boy was crying in front of the whole family.

Everyone was so shocked that time seemed to just freeze. I got up and all of the stuff I'd been holding in for the past 8 years just spilled out like word vomit.

The entire family got to be witness to this event. And when it was finally over, I just walked outside to sit by the family car. Several relatives trailed out after me to say they were sorry, and that they didn't know about the pink cake because my parents kept it covered till it was served. I said it didn't matter that they didn't know.

They all sat back and watched as my life was taken over by little miss sunshine for the past 8 years. I had no real birthdays or celebrations of my own. They were all about her.

And then, on the biggest birthday of my life, they all expected me to just smile and nod like always while they handed my sister a cake that was entirely meant for her when it wasn't even her birthday.

Some of them started giving me apologies. But they made the excuse that all this time they just thought I was ok with it because my parents said I was. I told them I was never ok with it.

And my parents forced it on me every year till I just pretended to accept it. I spread my arms out and said to look where we were. Does it look like the place I wanted to celebrate my graduation and 18th birthday. No one even tried to stick up for me all this time. I'm just the other kid while my sister gets everything.

I didn't even get to have any of my friends there because my parents stopped letting me invite them long ago after they tried to voice their opinions over my sister getting to blow out my candles.

There are 365 days a year, and was it so bad to want one that was about me and not her. Instead I'm treated like the greedy entitled brat for wanting my own birthday. Then I just went back to ugly crying.

My father came outside by that point to yell at me for making such a huge scene. Because my mother was crying too, my sister was upset because I ruined her moment, and now everybody in there who saw thinks they're bad parents.

I ended up yelling at him that they are bad parents, and he should know exactly why. Well after I said that, the rest of the family descended on him like a pack of wolves. Better late than never I suppose.

But I'd never seen anything like it before. My father was practically backed right up to the restaurant front door. And then most of the crowd flooded back inside with him to have it out with my mother too. My grandparents stayed with me, and apologized for having their eyes shut so tight for so long.

I don't know what was said to my parents in the restaurant. But it was roughly a half hour before they came back out. And when they did, they looked incredibly defeated. My mother was still sniffling after crying so hard, and neither of my parents could look me in the eyes.

They both awkwardly apologized for what they did. And then offered to redo the party elsewhere.

But that wasn't really enough for the crowd. One of my uncles "Ahemed!" rather loudly, and my parents said they'd never make me let my sister blow out my candles again, or give her presents on my birthday, or make any part of it about her.

There was another "Ahem!" and my parents also apologized for getting a cake that was obviously not even meant for me. And that they just felt like I wasn't worried about cake anymore at my age. Oh boy was that the wrong thing to say. I became furious all over again, and yelled at them that my age was irrelevant.

They'd literally given my birthday to my sister, and had no good reason as to why, and they knew it. Then I said there was no point in redoing the party because, IT'S TOO DAMN LATE!

They clearly showed that I mean nothing to them! They ruined 8 years of my life till I became an adult! What future birthdays with them could I possibly look forward too!? Well my father started to get angry at me for saying that. But when the entire family yelled at him, he shut up.

My grandfather told him I'm exactly right. And there is no possible way they can undo the damage done now. He said my parents were awful people, played favorites, and treated me like a black sheep ever since my sister was born.

And what's more they were all awful themselves because they just let it happen too. And I'm owed far more than an apology. I was owed my life back.

My mother broke down again and tried to come closer to me while crying my name and apologizing. But I refused to let her anywhere near me. And half the family body blocked her from getting close. I just said I couldn't take this anymore and started to walk away.

One of my aunts chased me down and brought me back. I could hear multiple family members yelling and cussing at my parents over what happened. But I was so upset, I couldn't even feel happy for any bit of justice after all this time.

Also, where was my sister when this was all going on? She was still in the restaurant all by herself eating cake and ripping open presents that were there for me. And if anyone was wondering, yes my parents served her some cake after I cried and walked out.

You'd think doing that wouldn't be their primary focus in the moment. But they were called out on it later.

My grandparents got me to calm down and sit in their old minivan while everyone else cleared out the party. My sister threw a huge tantrum after being caught opening my presents. One of which was a brand new smartphone that she threw against the wall and broke because she wasn't allowed to keep it.

She literally just got a brand new phone on her own birthday a few months earlier. I ended up being so upset that I was ranting that I never wanted to celebrate my birthday again. And my grandparents let me stay the night over at their house. When I came home, I still didn't speak to my parents.

My mother just kept crying because I wouldn't talk to her. And my father was as closed mouthed as me. The following weekend my grandparents convinced me to go with them out to dinner. And when we got there, I was surprised to find a whole new party waiting for me.

My parents were there, and they kept up with having the "Don't hate us!" smiles on their faces almost the entire time. There was a big chocolate cake with 18 candles on it. And there was even a banner with my name.

They called it my happy belated birthday graduation party because I didn't really get either this year. I did kind of have to pretend to be happy. One good party doesn't undo 8 years of favoritism. Or even make a dent in it really.

And where was my sister? She was sitting at the table with her arms folded and her lip curled because it wasn't all about her like it used to be. And rather than sing Happy Birthday for me, they just sang an altered version called: Happy Day. Then as soon as I blew out the candles, my sister screamed. I mean an ear bleedingly loud little girl scream!

My parents had to rush her out, and then bring her back in later looking more upset than ever. She quietly pouted in her seat for the rest of the party. I did still get a new smartphone as well. And my sister got hers taken away, among other things for what she did at the prior party. But the smartphone wasn't all.

The whole family had chipped in and gotten me a car. It was just an old white Volvo. But I loved it the moment I laid eyes on it. My grandfather knows a thing or two about cars and fixed it up himself. I was so happy. But my sister clearly was not, because she let out another one of those screams.

She started having a massive tantrum and demanding a car too. My mother had to take her into the bathroom and they didn't come back out for a while. My father just went back to looking defeated.

My sister had effectively ruined their attempt at trying to look good in front of the whole family. Multiple family members also had strong words for my parents that my sister was acting that way because they raised her to be a princess spoiled brat.

I obviously started driving the car around right away. But only days later my sister actually vandalized the car by taking a hammer and breaking two of the side windows and cracking the windshield to the point the car was undriveable.

My parents managed to stop her before she did any more damage. But she screamed bloody murder when they grabbed her and took the hammer away, then tried to bite them. Oh everyone was furious with my sister.

Especially my grandparents, because my grandfather had put so much work into that car, and my sister ruined it while having a massive tantrum. My grandparents had spoiled my sister so badly that she couldn't mentally comprehend that I could have something she couldn't.

And several other family members laid into my parents about how they were setting my sister up for failure by making her an entitled brat that expects the world to be given to her. And she's going to have a terrible adult life because they won't put their feet down and teach her some respect.

Well her actions didn't go unpunished. My sister was grounded for the rest of the summer, and effective of the new school year was sent to boarding school. My mother cried like a baby about it too. But my father had to be adamant that it was the only way to start undoing the damage they'd done.

Yes they fully acknowledge they are at fault. It was kinda hard for them not to since no one sided with them at all. My sister is absolutely miserable at that school. She hates the clothes, she hates the rules, and she's been lying almost constantly.

But with cameras almost everywhere now, she's not getting away with any of it. Our parents tried to visit her a few times, but she just screamed at them for putting her in that place. From what I hear, this may be her school life till she's 18 years old.

My parents did pay to fix my car. They had an auto glass company replace the windows and windshield, and it looks just as it did before. In August my grandfather came to me and said if I was interested, he found me a job working for a friend. But it was 40 miles away.

So I'd need to move out of my parents' house unless I wanted that commute. I was all for moving. Finding a first apartment wasn't so easy though. I had to get approved for a credit card just to get accepted for a studio. But I got it. And I have been living where I am now since September.

My parents keep trying to contact me. But I rarely speak to them. Any time we do speak, I just feel awkward and uncomfortable. My grandfather has suggested that they simply don't want to acknowledge how badly they failed as parents, and trying to get me to forgive them will make them feel better about themselves, or something like that. But I'm not going to forgive.

Not any time soon. I'm finally happy and away from them. Now they've got nothing. They don't have me, and they don't have my sister. And my parents had to take more hours at work because boarding school for my sister is not cheap. Nor can I imagine was the party they had to throw for me, or the repairs to my car.

Empty house, angry relatives, and the only thing they have left is their work. Feels like incredible misery to me. And I don't take delight in it. But it is the result of their own actions after all.

Edit, I'd like to thank everyone for all the awards I've gotten. It really means a lot to me. I know my post was long and a lot to read. But I just needed to get the whole thing out. And I feel a lot better after having done so.

I noticed a few calling this post fake in the comments in various ways. I do not blame you. I'd be highly skeptical reading this and wondering the same things in your shoes. But I lived it. Some parents just really are like that. I've also been contacted by a few people who went through similar and even way worse situations.

With all the bad parents out there, is it really all that unbelievable as to what mine did? Granted the whole family running back into the restaurant to have words with my parents did seem like a stretch. But I come from one of those close knit families where we stick together a lot and do things in groups.

And it can very easily turn into an entire group against one person at gatherings. I've seen a drunk cousin be surrounded and then removed from the party to sober up in another room because he was being highly inappropriate. I'm not exactly a fan of group mentalities myself. But it ended up saving me because my parents were shamed beyond words for what they'd done.

They couldn't even form a proper reason as to why they did what they did to me without sounding like even worse people. So they've basically surrendered saying they have no excuse and are heavily trying to get on my good side.

And while a lot of you are praising my relatives for how they helped me, I'm pretty sure a lot of that help was out of shame. They were there for most of those 8 birthdays, save for 2 years because of Covid. But in those other 6, they didn't do anything.

They had disapproving looks on their faces that my sister got to blow out my candles. But they just stayed quiet. Why? Well my dad is the son of the head of the family, my grandfather. And my grandfather is a fairly intimidating person. Be on his good side and he'd do whatever it takes to help you.

Be on his bad side and the entire family hates you. A good reason why I don't like group mentalities. But once my grandfather basically said they were all at fault for not doing anything to help me for years, they all felt shamed.

And they all chipped in for the cost of my car. With so many relatives, they didn't have to donate much each to afford it. I had the receipt for the car when I registered it in my name.

They bought it for $2K, and then put more into it for some parts and tires. My grandfather personally gave it a tune-up and changed the fluids. My grandmother deep cleaned the interior. I'm extremely thankful to them all.

But I still want to distance myself a bit. I need time to work things out on my own. And I probably won't see my parents again until Thanksgiving or Christmas.

Some have also compared my sister to that character Eric Cartman from South Park. And it's a pretty close comparison. My sister is chubby because my parents fed her a lot of junk food. She hates eating anything healthy. I once saw her put gummybears on mashed potatoes.

The thought of eating that combination turns my stomach. Her poor diet also made her spend long periods in the bathroom.

My parents had to buy fiber snacks for her to eat just to remedy that. And I don't think they were cheap to get the ones that actually tasted good. My sister is also extremely bossy, and likes to think she's in charge.

She ordered me around near constantly, which is why I often locked myself in my room to get away from her. She lost a lot of friends for being so bossy and controlling. And my parents would just tell her that the other kids were just jealous of how special she was.

My sister even referred to herself as a princess often. And the epic tantrums she had when not getting her way do remind me of Eric Cartman. I know my sister isn't stupid either. She doesn't try very hard at all and had a C average in school. If she actually applied herself, she'd probably be a straight A student.

Before we give you OP's updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

conc87 writes:

Oh, OP, I’m so sorry your family treated you this way. I’m glad you’re out of the situation and in your own apartment now. Your sister sounds like an absolute nightmare. Many years ago, when my oldest nephew was about 4, he wanted to open one of his brother’s birthday gifts that I’d bought him. I shut that down really quickly.

My sister said ‘oh let him, it won’t do any harm.’ But I said no, it’s the younger nephew’s birthday, not the older nephew’s birthday and he, the younger one, deserves to have his birthday and his gifts all to himself.

Fortunately my sister took these words to heart and stopped trying to Golden Child her eldest son. I hope you can heal from the rotten treatment you’ve endured.

fayedup writes:

Hey OP I know how you feel I often told my parents that if they didn't stop letting g her do what she wants getting her way if they didn't nip it in the bud they were going to haveproblems with her when she gets older.

Well...they didn't stop, my sister never ended up in a psyche ward she got taken away from my mom then my dad put in foster care then a group home gotten into trouble at a young age drugs, stealing cars, 6 kids 3 different baby daddy's, alcohol lost custody of all but 1 of her kids she's actually doing right by the youngest.

So there is light at the end of the tunnel takes time. My sister is crazy gets a check every month.

And now, OP's 1st update:

It's been what, a year now? I didn't log back in for a long time because I thought I was done here. But then one day I decided what the heck, and just popped back in again. Only to see numerous private messages asking for updates.

So I'll give one. What I'm about to tell you is mostly pieced together from what my parents and grandparents told me. So if it sounds to crazy, just remember I'm basically retelling what I found out.

Yes, I am doing fine. But the same cannot be said for my parents and little sister. My sister some time after my previous post attempted several things in order to get out of boarding school. After none of her lies and schemes got her anything, she tried to simply do nothing. But that didn't work out.

Then she tried a hunger strike. She said she would refuse to eat anything unless our parents came and took her home. My mother nearly jumped in the car to go rescue her baaaby! But my father had to stand in her way, and remind her my sister's behavior was their fault.

My sister's hunger strike didn't even last two days before she was demanding food in the cafeteria.

She wasn't allowed sweets or snacks unless they were healthy. Especially since a pediatrician warned my parents that my sister Little Miss Sunshine was at risk of future diabetes and even possibly having her growth stunted unless she got her weight under control and ate foods with proper nutrients. As in, no more gummy bears on mashed potatoes.

Of course my sister tried becoming a bully to the other girls in the boarding school. But they didn't take her crap. One day she picked a fight, and got beaten up pretty badly when she was set upon by multiple other girls at once. And as a crowd they kicked her until they were broken up by a teacher.

My sister didn't suffer any serious injuries. But she was scraped and bruised all over. Yes she blamed everyone else but herself. And I heard she actually stated that the other girls should just do as she says.

They did not. So she was shunned by them. I heard she had quite the tantrum over it. She'd gotten her way with everyone for so long that it was mentally inconceivable for her to not get what she wanted.

My mother repeatedly snuck junkfood to my sister at the boarding school. And my sister got caught with it. My parents had a huge fight about it. But my mother didn't try to sneak her any more junkfood once the jig was up.

My sister was and still desires to be a junk food addict. That's right, she's barely changed in the past year. Are any of you really surprised? I'm not. She's only slightly better in the fact she's somewhat more accepting she's not the center of the universe.

Her schemes to get out of boarding school only escalated. After only a few months there, she resorted to self harm to try and get her way. She somehow got her hands on a knife in the cafeteria, and stood on a table threatening herself with it unless they gave her candy and sent her home.

Yes, she didn't just demand to be sent home. She wanted candy too! I did say before that I'd seen her put gummy bears on mashed potatoes in my original post. Her favorite thing to put gummy bears on was on foods she didn't like. Because that's the only way that our parents could get her to eat it.

Can you imagine gummy bears on salad? It kinda defeats the point of salad. But she regularly brought a bag of gummy bears to the table when we ate. I can't even look at gummy bears without remembering.

Well my sister was brought what sweets they could scrounge up while they tried to talk her down. But at some point she slipped and fell off the table. The resulting fall broke her left arm, her clavicle, and she had a forehead concussion.

At this point even the boarding school had enough of her, and didn't want her to return once out of hospital. In fact, her attempt at ending herself only landed her in a worse place. A mental ward for children.

She's been forced into therapy, and diagnosed with a heavy case of narcissism she was raised into having. She cannot leave the ward unless my parents take her out. They've also forced her to continue her schooling from there, and keep to a very strict healthy diet. It could literally be described as her personal hell.

My mother wanted to go to the ward and get her precious baaaby out. But she and my father got in a huge fight about it. And in that fight she hit him with the nearest thing she could grab. Which happened to be a bottle that was on the kitchen counter.

The bottle broke on his face, cracked his cheekbone, and cut him up pretty badly. Police were called, and he had to be taken to the hospital while my mother had to be carted away in the back of a police car.

My mother ended up getting psyche evaluated and committed for several months herself. And she was forced to confront her own fierce desires to enable my sister. Turns out it stems from serious mental traumas my mother had from her own chiildhood.

But no one else knows or will tell me anything more than that. There was and still is talk of future divorce from my parents. But neither of them have gone any farther than sleeping in separate bedrooms so far.

As for me. Well my 19th birthday wasn't that long ago. My grandparents threw me a party at a restaurant they know I like. My parents attended, and so did my sister. She was briefly allowed time out of the ward. And I could see the pure bitterness in her eyes. She sat there looking just like before.

Lip curled and glaring at me like she wanted me to be on fire. She'd lost a fair bit of weight by then since she hadn't been allowed junk food for so long.

And her diet plan is going to keep on for some time to come. In fact, the junk food from my birthday party was the first she'd had in a pretty long time. But she still couldn't stand not being the center of attention.

This time when I blew out my candles, she did not scream. Instead she began ugly crying. I can tell you right now that this was just more of her manipulation.

She was just crying and saying "WHY!?" over and over again. I know she's only 9. But remember, last year she was 8 and demanding a car of her own just because I was gifted one at 18. She can't even get a learner's permit till she's 15.

At my 19th birthday my sister got on the floor to tantrum that there was no pizza, no gifts for her, no prizes, no nothing. Then she started cursing at our parents before trying to storm out of the restaurant.

She was basically trying to copy what I did last year, in her own twisted way. You can say I'm thinking too hard about that. But I know my sister. And if she thinks doing something will get her way, she'll do it! My parents just apologized to everyone, and then took my sister home early.

But not before my grandfather went over to speak to them. I got some details from my grandmother later. He told them that they better not take my sister to party elsewhere, or give her what she wants.

Because this will never end if they don't stop for good. After that my sister was taken out kicking and screaming because she'd heard everything, and realized her tantrums didn't work. She was driven back to the ward the next morning. And that's where she is now.

I have no idea how much longer she'll be there. She's just a kid, but the most stubborn one I've ever seen. She'll likely not change until she reaches her lowest point. And until then, she's gonna be stuck in a place that does no enabling of her demands.

No one, not even my parents have attempted to put any blame on me for my sister's actions this past year. They've had to accept that I had zero fault in this, and they raised my sister to be a narcissist.

And enabling a narcissist is also a form of addiction from what I've seen and heard. My sister has not been diagnosed with any sort of mental illnesses aside from narcissism. In fact she's smarter than me from what I've heard.

She was tested having an I.Q. of around 110. She just doesn't like to apply herself unless there's some kind of reward in it for her. She was raised this way. And I'm guessing it'll take years to make her better.

As for me. Well I'm doing well on my own. I admit, I had to learn to properly budget and take care of all my own necessities. It's not easy to adult. But it's still a thousand times better than the life I had living with my parents and sister.

I was told my sister's IQ was 110 by my father. And I tested lower than that as a kid. Doesn't really matter to me though. I've moved on with my life.

Yes my sister may be as you describe. But I'm no expert in mental illness. I specified that what I told here was mostly what I heard from family. The only part I experienced first hand was her behavior at my 19th birthday. I'm likely kept in the dark about a lot. And I don't feel like pressing for more details.

Though my father confided in me many times over the past year of my sister's behavior and actions. Like her getting beat up for trying to be a bully. He and I have been meeting occasionally for lunch ever since my mother was temporarily committed herself.

I honestly don't like my sister at all, and will probably feel that way forever. It's not complete hate, as I know my parents made her what she is. But what big brother wants their sister to be committed in a ward for life?

Either way I'll likely be very low contact with her for the foreseeable future, no matter how much better she may get. I was mentally scarred by her, and she probably still wants me to be a princess.

And now, OP's 2nd update:

To start things off. I'm an idiot. Some of you questioned my saying my sister is smarter than me, pointed out loopholes in my posts, and all of that. Well I had a D & C average in school.

And math was my worst subject. It was pointed out I mistakenly repeatedly stated my sister's age wrong. I am at fault for that. I usually just tell people she's 10 years younger than me.

And when talking about her, the numbers just often blurred together. I guess doing the math correctly on paper this time, I was technically 7 when my sister was born in June, and she first got to blow out my candles when she was 3.

I am so bad at math.... And it doesn't help I tried to keep some details either vague or slightly wrong just to keep anonymous. But then in retrospect, this isn't exactly very anonymous because anyone in my family could read this and know it's me. I really screwed up.

And from the moment my sister was born, everything was about her. This isn't just some lame jealous older brother stuff. My sister may not have gotten to blow out my candles till she was 3, but even before that she was also celebrated just as much on my own birthdays, in front of everyone.

And I grew extremely resentful. Imagine the birthday boy sitting there while his mother just flaunts a baby in front of everyone because the gathering gave her an excuse to show off! I was basically ignored by my parents until it was time for cake.

My grandparents made up the difference, so it wasn't such a bad memory at the time. They even told me it was slightly understandable because my sister had just been born a month prior, and my mother had such a hard time with the pregnancy. But then that's also how things went down my 9th birthday. And no one said or did anything about it.

Then on my 10th birthday, my parents basically did the same thing, and flaunted all of my sister's baby accomplishments before anything really happened for me. And then some of my gifts were obvious toddler toys that were only enjoyed by my sister. I remember them being called "Extra" gifts.

And even though my name was on them, they weren't for me. Again, no one in the family said or did anything about it. Then on my 11th birthday, that's when things became truly bad. There were gifts with my sister's name on them. And my parents insisted Little Miss Sunshine be allowed to blow out my candles.

Everyone saw, and they all did nothing. And following this the birthday venues were always oriented towards my sister. And sometimes she was even allowed to "Help" me unwrap my presents too. It wasn't help.

They just wanted me to placate her. Now multiply all of that to my 18th birthday, and you'll understand why I finally lost it on everyone back then. That's why I say my birthday was taken over for 8 years.

But in reality, it was more like 10 years. My parents admitting fault really wasn't enough for me anymore after that. I try to act like I can forgive them. But I'm not sure I ever can.

Someone else pointed out to me that you cannot be diagnosed as a narcissist until you're 18. I'm pretty ignorant about this sort of thing, and took my father's word for it. So I called my father this morning and spoke to him about it. He first asked me how I knew, and I just responded with Google.

He sighed and admitted my sister was showing signs of possible future NPD, and some other things. But an official diagnosis can't be made yet. But there is also a strong possibility of a mental disorder my mother also apparently has, and they won't tell me what it is.

My parents finally admitted my mother was diagnosed with both said disorder, and PTSD months ago. The PTSD triggered from some childhood traumas my mother will not disclose. Nor am I asking her to. Because whatever it is, it's pretty bad!

When I asked my father why I was told such simplified details and white lies, he got angry and told me it's because my sister is their problem, and not mine. So he just thought I'd let it go if he told me that.

Then he said they need to be the ones to worry about my sister. I just need to focus on my future and forget about having to deal with Little Miss Sunshine ever again. It's sadly one of the most logical things he's ever said to me.

As for Little Miss Sunshine, there's no clear time frame on how long she will be in that ward. But I had another question for my father that someone else alerted me to here. And that is if my sister has ever spoken of wanting to kill me while there. The answer was kind of a middle ground.

My sister did blame me. However, she blames our parents more. Her main beef with me was her belief that what's hers is hers, and what was mine should also be hers. She's even jealous I have my own apartment now. That led to other rage tantrums and demands wanting the same things I have.

Therapy has subsided her rage bit by bit over time. Which is why she was allowed to be at my 19th birthday. But her behavior that day escalated all over again. Ever see a toddler say "Mine" to anything it sees? Well my sister has a Mine complex with my birthday. And that's 100% on my parents.

My sister did and still does believe she is entitled to my birthday because it's been that way as long as she could remember. That's why she screamed last year. That's why she freaked out this year. In her mind, my birthday has always been hers.

My parents have asked me to please leave the situation alone. And that my sister is going to need a lot of time to be treated. And there's no guarantee she'll ever get better.

My mother's in therapy herself, and her own disorder is medicated now. And she is often lethargic from the medication. She somehow didn't lose her job when she was temporarily put in a ward herself after hitting my father with a bottle.

Her boss is a very sympathetic person. And allowed my mother to work from home after getting back. Although it resulted in lower pay, and some kind of demotion.

There is another detail I'd like to clarify that I did not mention in my last post. My birthday this year wasn't the actual date of my birth. Instead we celebrated the day of the belated party that was held for me last year.

Which is fine with me, because the actual day of my birthday has been forever soured to me. I was born basically at the end of July. The belated birthday was held a week later in August. And that's the day I wish to celebrate from now on.

Lastly, people keep asking how I am doing. I was doing fine, if not pretty decent. I admit it's been hard to adult. Paying my bills, learning to manage my finances, and all that. But I was fine.

Then somehow my coming back to Reddit to talk about this has made me stressed and....what's the term? Mentally relapsing I guess? I'm not sure. I thought I was all good. But now I'm edgy and cynical all the time. My boss even sent me home early for the day because of it. They're well aware of my past.

But I still feel terrible! Just having coffee this morning sent my heart pounding. I think I'm gonna have to search local support groups for free counseling or something. I am on a budget after all. But for the moment I'm just trying to relax and take my mind off life.

I might end up stressed like this all over again if I return here someday. So I may not. I thank everyone who read my posts and understood my pain. You're good people. But I really need to get myself together and put my past behind me.

What do YOU make of OP's story? Any advice for this young man?

Sources: Reddit
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