Man refuses to celebrate Halloween with his family; 'They ruined my Halloween 5 years ago.' AITA? UPDATED

"AITA for refusing to have Halloween with my family for years after they screwed me over on this holiday years ago?"

As the title says this happened on Halloween. I'm 25M and 5 years ago my parents wanted to go to my sister's house for Halloween. At the time I was still living with them, and I wanted to go to a party a friend was hosting.

But my parents were adamant that I go with them instead because they wanted us all to be together. I still wanted to go to my friend's party and my parents suggested a compromise in which I go to my sister's party first.

Then my friend's. I figured it couldn't hurt to do both, so I agreed since I liked helping my nephews with trick or treating. And that year I was wearing an inflatable ninja costume I was really eager to have fun in.

Well I was ready and waiting in the costume for hours. And by the time we finally took the kids out, most houses stopped giving candy and there was hardly anybody walking around. And we only went around the block, that's it.

Then when I wanted to go to my friend's house my parents guilted me into staying because they needed me as a designated driver. I would have driven them home first and then gone to my friend's party. But my parents just kept drinking and refused to leave.

So I lost out on going the other party and cussed my parents out for making me miss it and not even being able to enjoy my Halloween.

They just said that it was too late, and what could they do about it. They didn't even attempt to make it up to me.

I refused to speak with them later. So they confronted me and I said I didn't even want to look at them because they broke their promise.

Then I said that unless they could somehow pull a new Halloween party with all my friends out of their asses, then they had completely screwed me over. Then I left before they could say anything else to me. My friends were nearly as upset as I was.

But my sister told me off and said I was callous because she had wanted me there. Ever since that year I only spent Halloween with friends.

This year my parents begged me to go with them to my sister's instead. I asked why and they wanted me to drive them. So I refused and said they just wanted a designated driver.

And they'd already screwed me over before and didn't even attempt to make it better back then. And I didn't wanna just sit around watching them get drunk with the only real highlight being helping kids trick or treat.

I hung out with my friends and we had a blast with a farmyard party.

But my sister called me up on Monday furious at me because our parents were pulled over on their way home and got a DUI, and that this would have never happened if I had driven them. And now most of the family is pissed at me.

So AITA for refusing to drive my parents to my sister's house for Halloween because of something they did 5 years ago?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

plscallmeRain

While you are 100% NTA for anything your parents did, you are weirdly bitter about a party you missed as a 19 year old, dude. You were an adult. You chose to stay.

Nothing was stopping you from leaving. You need to recognize that you are responsible for your own choices, something your family doesn't seem to be good at.

OOPNo I was stopped from leaving because I couldn't take my parents vehicle. We rode together and they refused to let me just borrow their car and come back.

The bitterness is because they lied to me and then showed no remorse that they did.

elsewhere

This is weird. Have they just done it on these two halloween parties, or do they do this at other times?

Why didn't your sister drive them? Or sister's partner if they're in the picture? If she has kids there surely had to be a sober adult there.

Obviously it's not your fault your parents drove drunk. NTA

OOP They've drove drunk several times. I didn't mind driving them some places. But then they wanted me as a designated driver all the time.

And they only wanted me to drive their car, not mine. So I made it clear to them that I wouldn't be their driver if I had plans. Which I did.

Update:

Update: My sister and her husband spotted my post a few days after I made it and called me. My sister said she's ashamed of herself and now sees my point of view.

At first she was furious I made the post. But her husband chewed her out for not ever sticking up for me because he really had no idea my parents treated me this badly.

And after they both read the comments she realized how toxic this whole dynamic was. At first she blamed it on the stress of being a mother. But quickly took that back and said she really has no excuse for never considering me in these situations.

We talked and she remarked how I've always loved Halloween ever since I was a little kid. And she let my parents ruin it for me that day 5 years ago, even though she knew about the promise they broke.

The conversation got pretty emotional and she apologized heavily because she had put the blame on me when she was the one who let our parents drink and drive year after year.

I've got more details now. And my mother is actually the one who got the DUI. I'd assumed our father. But he apparently was so wasted that he was on the verge of passing out, and pretty much did as soon as he was in the car.

Our mother insisted that she was ok to drive, and then ran a red light. That's how a cop spotted her and she was arrested.

The car was impounded and our father was escorted home by police to sleep it off. He woke up with a raging hangover and a temper to match. Then took it all out on my sister over the phone, and she in turn took it out on me.

Our mother has had her license suspended, the car cost them $600 to get out of impound, and both of my parents were putting this on me.

Until we all ganged up on them for what they've been doing. Our father fought us every step of the way. But we made it clear they've been putting their alcoholism above everything else and we're tired of it because there have been a lot of broken promises from them all around.

Our mother promised to do better, but our father just stayed silent and wouldn't make eye contact with any of us.

Things are tense now. But I'm glad my sister is finally on my side in all of this.