Man refuses to donate kidney to his sister after a 'lifetime' of 'being her punching bag.' AITA?

"AITA for refusing to donate a kidney to my sister after a lifetime of being her 'punching bag?'"

I (30M) have a sister, "Emily" (33F), and a history with her that’s...complicated. More like a battlefield. From the time we were kids, Emily treated me like her personal punching bag. Not physically, but with words, with constant put-downs, with making me the butt of every joke in front of our parents. They always laughed along, calling it "sibling rivalry," but it wasn't. It was cruelty.

When I was little, I was diagnosed with, what was then called Aspberger's, now ASD. I struggled with social cues and sensory overload. Emily, instead of being understanding, used it against me.

She'd mimic my stims, make fun of my special interests, and deliberately overwhelm me with noise and touch just to watch me break down. Our parents? They’d tell me to “toughen up” and that I was “making a scene.”

I grew up feeling like I was invisible, like I didn’t matter. My passions, my feelings, they were always dismissed. I poured myself into video games, dreaming of becoming a game designer, but Emily would call my video games "childish" and "nerdy." Our parents would tell me to "grow up."

I moved away as soon as I could, built a quiet life for myself, and tried to heal. I am still in therapy working through the childhood trauma. Recently, Emily was diagnosed with kidney failure. I'm a match. My parents called, their voices full of desperate urgency. They didn't ask how I was doing.

They didn't acknowledge the years of hurt. They just said, "Your sister needs you." Emily, when I saw her, didn’t apologize. She looked at me with this expectation, like I owed her. She said, "It's family." I said "no, you aren't family to me."

They're calling me a monster. My parents are saying I'm letting my sister die. My friends are torn. Some understand why I’d refuse, others are saying I’ll regret it. I'm not a monster. I'm just…tired.

Tired of being the "punching bag," the one everyone else gets to use and discard. I'm tired of being treated like I don't have feelings. AITA for refusing to donate a kidney to my sister after a lifetime of being her "punching bag?"

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Dependent-Tailor-929 said:

NTA - It is your organ - and you're decision. Even if the risk from the surgery is low it is still a major surgery (from what I Googled - I am not an expert). I think I'd be pretty torn on how to handle that just because it could be life or death. But I don't think you are wrong for your choice. it is your body- it is your trauma. no one gets to tell you what to do with it.

Black_Moon88 said:

Don’t give her anything! Take care of your health.

Confident-Skin-6462 said:

You don't owe anybody an organ.

TooTallBrawl1919 said:

NTA. Tell your sister “to toughen up” and go back to your no contact making sure to block all 3 of them everywhere.

WeeklyAssignment1881 said:

Everyone dies, some get the short straw. Block them all and live your quiet life. NTA.

Fredredphooey said:

NTA. You're not the only matching kidney in the world.

GlitteryMilf said:

NTA. Just because your family doesn’t mean you owe her anything she’s caused you to have to have therapy for the trauma. She instilled in and it sucks that you didn’t get a good childhood because of her.