Man refuses to double apologize to his brother after being excluded from his wedding. AITA? MINI UPDATE

"AITA for refusing to apologize (again) to my brother after being excluded from his wedding?"

I (25M) have had issues with my older brother (33M) for years. I’ve always felt that he disrespects me and treats me as inferior just because I’m younger. There have been multiple instances of this, but one situation really cemented my feelings.

A couple of years ago, we were at a joint birthday party for my nephew and niece (my oldest brother’s kids). My mum asked me to take a tray of chicken from the oven to the serving area. When I got there, there was no space to set it down, so I asked my brother (the one I have issues with) if he could make some room. Instead of just moving something, he snapped at me:

“You should have thought about that before you brought it out.” I was stunned but didn’t want to cause a scene at a child’s birthday party, so I let it go at the moment. However, I was really upset and decided to distance myself from him.

Later, we ran into each other, and I brought it up, explaining that I didn’t appreciate how he spoke to me. He laughed, said he didn’t remember, but if he did say that, then sorry (in the most dismissive way possible).

I also brought up other instances of him speaking down to me and how his girlfriend treats me like a child and constantly reports things I say and do to him—something she doesn’t do with any of our other brothers. His response?

“That’s your issue, not mine. If you don’t want her telling me things, then don’t talk around her.” At that point, I told him that if this disrespect continued in the future, I’d handle it myself since he clearly wouldn’t. After that, I blocked him and we didn’t speak for a long time. Honestly, I was fine with that—though I was sad it got to that point.

Fast forward two years, and my mum kept pressuring me to apologize for the sake of family peace. So, even though I didn’t feel I was in the wrong, I sent a message apologizing and saying I’d rather we support each other as siblings. He ignored it. I even sent him Christmas and birthday messages—also ignored. At that point, I gave up trying.

Now, here’s where things escalate. I recently visited my oldest brother to see my niece and nephews, and he told me that my brother and his girlfriend are now engaged. However, I—and another one of our brothers (who owes him money)—are not invited to the wedding. Apparently, he told our oldest brother that he might consider inviting me if I apologized (again).

My oldest brother’s wife was so disgusted by this that she has now refused to attend their wedding and has also cut off their access to the kids. So now the whole family is involved, and the situation feels like it’s spiraling out of control.

I honestly don’t know how to feel. I never wanted this to become such a big thing—I just wanted some basic respect. But now it seems like my brother is using his wedding as leverage to force me into another apology. I already apologized once despite feeling like he was in the wrong, and he ignored it. AITA for refusing to apologize again and just leaving things as they are?

UPDATE:

Thank you so much for all the replies and your options, I really wasn’t expecting this amount of engagement, so thank you. I just wanted to clarify that I’ve been in no contact with my brother since then, other than those past messages.

I don’t really care about him, his girlfriend or the wedding at this point, and I definitely was not going to apologize again. I am just a bit upset over the situation occurring in the first place.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Far_Information_9613 said:

NTA. He is the one creating drama. I wouldn’t bother.

lurking_mz said:

NTA The fact that your SIL put her foot down the way she did... you aren't the only one your other brother is having problems with. If it was just in solidarity with you, it would just be refusing to go to wedding. Not allowing him near the kids...your brother is the cause of the strife, not you.

DrKiddman said:

You apologized already, no need to do it again. NTA. Maybe block him again so you don’t have to listen to any more feedback from him.

National_Librarian25 said:

NTA - DO NOT APOLOGIZE AGAIN!!! This is a power play, pure and simple. He's looking for a way to put you down and humiliate you infront of your entire family. He's making sure you know your place and you don't question him again. Do not attend this wedding. You said that you love your brother, but honestly, do you like him? Does he add any value to your life, is your life better or worse because of him?

BlinkyBlues said:

Definitely NTA. Your brother sounds like a real piece of work. And now he's trying to manipulate you with his wedding? That's just low. Stick to your guns and don't apologize again. You deserve respect and shouldn't have to constantly grovel for it.

Traditional_Curve401 said:

NTA. Cut your brother off and simply keep him out of your life.