Man refuses to financially support 'someone else's child' after breakup, 'I was going to adopt the kid.' AITA?
"AITA for not wanting to support someone else's child?"
My ex (F28) had a child before we were together. That was never an issue when we started dating and when it got serious, she asked to move into my house with the child and I was happy about that.
Throughout the relationship, I treated the kid as I would my own child. I paid for everything (sports club, insurance, tutoring, etc.). She receives $389/m in child support from the father, and he sees the child maybe once a month
.
Fast forward two years, we have our own kid and one big happy family. We'd been talking about getting married, and when we did, I would adopt her first kid, which the dad was ok with.
I proposed to her and two months later saw that she had been sexting someone and even sending nudes to them. I was crushed and asked her to move out of my house.
After she moves out, I offered to give her $1,600 a month for my kid, and she also got a part-time job making minimum wage. She says I should give the same amount for the other kid as well because I was going to adopt the kid when we got married.
I said no. She took me to child support, hoping to get more money, but she was only given $700 for my kid.
I've only been giving her the $700 for the last three months. She's spreading rumors about me and trying to ruin my reputation. She also trying to guilt trip me saying the kid's life has turned upside down because of me. AITA for not wanting to support someone else's kid in this situation?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
litt3lli0n said:
NTA. Had you actually adopted the child, then legally speaking, yes you would need to provide child support. As it stands, just because you previously paid for things does not mean that you are legally obligated to pay child support.
It sounds like that child's father is still around, unless he already signed away his parental rights because you were planning to adopt him. Either way though, you have no legal obligation to her first child as he is not yours.
tuna_tofu said:
NTA- I "was" gonna be an olympic gymnast when I grew up but Im not. "Was" doesnt count. She "was" also going to MARRY you but cheated instead so that deal is off. Not your kid. Focus on yours.
Mom needs to get a job stat and support both of her kids 50%. YOU are not completely on the hook for your kid because you are only ONE of his parents. She has to do her share. $700 is plenty and damn sure more than she had before.
JuliaX1984 said:
NTA She literally effed around and found out. Tell her to have her AP support her first kid, if she wants someone besides the dad to do it. Have your lawyer send her a letter pointing out that making knowingly false, harmful statements about someone is defamation and will result in a civil suit for such if she doesn't stop.
MontanaWildWiman said:
NTA. She should take the other dude to court for child support. You are under no obligation to do any more than what is agreed on in court. Also, if you can prove shes spreading rumors on your professional life you could file a cease and desist order.
Wingman06714 said:
NTA, better solution, you take primary custody of your shared child and she can pay you support.
Proper_End_6107 said:
I love the fact that in her greed she got less than half what you offered. It's like she picked the wrong box on deal or no deal! NTA.