Man refuses to forgive wife for kissing another man, 'She is blaming it on PPD.' AITA?
"AITA for not forgiving my wife for kissing another guy even though she was suffering from PPD?"
My wife gave birth about one year ago and she changed. She was angry all the time, suspicious and paranoid of everyone. I think her mother filled her head against me. She would constantly accused me of cheating and MIL and her would talk about bad about me on the phone when I was not home.
One day she said she is leaving me and her mother was packing her stuff. She left with our daughter to her mothers house. Later that night, she called me and told me that she kissed a guy and asked me how it feels to be cheated on. Accusing me again of being a cheater and how I betrayed her. I finally had enough and told her to not come back.
Then she started blowing up my phone and I refused to reply back or take up her calls. She did show up in our house after 2 days and asked me for help with her mental state. I took her to the hospital and she was diagnosed with PPD and was put on medication.
She started slowly returning back to her normal self. I think she has healed and can manage by herself from now on so it was the right time for me to divorce her. So I served her divorce papers few days ago. She is not happy about it and begging me to not divorce her.
She is blaming it on PPD, I understand that her head was messed up but I dont tolerate cheating. If she had stabbed me or something, I would have forgiven her but I just dont tolerate cheating. So I am proceeding with divorce. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Jokester_316 said:
NTA. How do you know it was only a kiss? She was gone for 2 days. I believe she was projecting her cheating onto you. That guy didn't just appear out of nowhere. She was probably having an emotional affair prior to her leaving. Infidelity is your hard boundary. You are entitled to that.
dijetlo007 said:
NTA. Regardless of her mental issues, her solution was to go out and swap spit with some rando.
Heart_Is_Valuable said:
NTA as you're entitled to your feelings but I think this strongly deserves reconsideration because you just had a child. Think about what kind of partner she'll be like and whether or there's a possibility of trust being rebuilt.
PPD isn't a small thing, but the manipulation from the mom would probably not be easy to get rid of, and even besides PPD there might be insecurity and cheating accusations later down the line.
I really can't say how much of this was her and how much of this was her PPD and how much of this was her mother. A good term is to go no contact with her mother, but that's not a solution I'd like to force on someone because that is a parent child relationship.
DrObnxs said:
YTA. My wife is a labor and delivery nurse. You have absolutely no idea what happens to a woman's body through and after pregnancy. She was sick, now she's on the mend, and you won't forgive her for things she did while sick. You have no compassion.
This isn't about you and the harms you feel you suffered. This is about things she had little to no control over that she went through while gestating and delivering your child. She'll be lucky to be rid of you. You're a selfish monster.
russmail said:
Let's see if I got this right: the person you loved and chose to marry and start a family with, post pregnancy she abruptly changed including dramatic degrees of emotional episodes. She then asks for and receives help, and makes a return back to her normal self.
However, sending her a message and breaking up your family and subjecting your daughter to split custody childhood is more important to you... because? Yep, YTA my man. Otherwise, put your daughter and spouse first, and put your fucking ego aside.
RainSurname said:
You’re the ahole for abandoning the mother of your newborn child because a third party took advantage of her (temporary)mental illness to manipulate her into driving you away. I’d say she was better off without someone who would abandon his child over a KISS, but she clearly does not feel that way. Tell her she has divorce her mom if she wants to stay married to you and then move on with your lives, JFC.
RinoaRita said:
NTA. Enough people have elaborated the cheating is wrong no matter what so I’m not going to unpack that. But let’s say someone is in the camp she wasn’t in her right mind and stabbing is worse etc. if op can’t get past it and it breeds resentment and he knows he can’t not hold it against her move on he owes it to her to break up.
I’ve seen cases where supposedly the cheated on say they’ll forgive and move on but they haven’t. They still hold the hurt in their heart and it affects their ability to be present. You can try to heal but forgiveness isn’t necessarily a choice. You can’t control how you feel.