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Man refuses to give more money to his SAHM wife; she claps back; 'ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!' AITA?

Man refuses to give more money to his SAHM wife; she claps back; 'ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!' AITA?


When this man is annoyed with his wife, he asks the internet:

"AITA for not giving more money to my wife?"

I have an 18yo daughter and a 17yo stepdaughter. When my wife and I got married we had some agreements including that cooking will be her job since she is a SAHM and I'm the breadwinner.

The problem is that my wife makes tuna sandwiches twice a week. I don't hate tuna but at this point I'm starting to hate it because of how often I eat it. My daughter hates tuna. She is not picky. This is the only things she hates.

Well my wife claims that it's her daughter's favorite food so we need to get used to eating it.

Yesterday I come home from work, my daughter is eating a burger and fries. I hate fast food, she knows she is not allowed to eat junk food. I ask her why she is not eating the food my wife made?

She says because it was tuna again. I asked my wife why she didn't cook anything else for her? She shrugs and says she already cooked one meal and won't make another meal.

She then asked me for money to go shopping for herself. I tell her I gave her money yesterday so I'm not giving her more money today. If she won't do her job well then why would I do mine? Plus she just wanted money to buy a Gucci bag or something like that.

I told her since she is only doing the minimum and not feeding my child well then I'm also doing the minimum from now on, so no luxuries for her. She will only get the essentials.

She got angry and called me an asshole and said it's not her job to feed my kid. I said it's not my job to feed yours either. She is sleeping in the guest room now and won't talk to me.

After thinking about it for a while, I made my final decision. I informed my wife that from now on my daughter and I will be eating out every night. There is a very good restaurant with a diverse menu near our house that we used to go to a lot before I got married. We will be eating there from now on.

As for my wife and her daughter, since they seem to be very obsessed with tuna, PB&J, nuggets etc, that's what I will be buying for them from now on. Since my wife seems to be uninterested in good food then there is no point in buying other foods for them. That's all they get.

I will of course continue providing all the necessities for them but since she is not doing her job then I don't see a reason for her to get any luxuries. She will get a small amount of fun money and that's it.

Of course she threw a tantrum when she found out and is currently yelling at me as I'm writing this but I'm not gonna change my mind.

Let's see what readers thought:

gra666 writes:

ESH. These are different issues and one shouldn't be tied to the other. There's the issue about why your wife is making food your daughter doesn't like, and issue of is she's lying about it or not, the issue of if never having fast food is a hill to die on and the general issue of you controlling the money and what that symbolizes.

Then there's the bigger issue of you using your money control/withdraw support for her and her withdrawing her affection because she's upset.

You both seem like you learned some unhealthy response patterns and are in a contractive loop, instead of seeing marriage as an expansive joint adventure. This goes deeper than a sandwich and a purse. Even if she got the purse it would distract her for a little while then the dissatisfaction would come back.

fac0 writes:

NAH. My kid is now 16. Their father is an absentee father. I've said since the moment he walked away that if my kid desired to have a relationship with him I'd support it, but if the kid didn't want anything to do with their 'father' I'd support that as well.

Considering the last time my kid saw their birth father he completely ignored his child but interacted with his nieces, my kid has concluded all on their own that he is a piece of shine and not worth the time of day. I've been very hands-off, kept my comments to myself, and never trash talked him.

Should he decide now to try for a relationship, I'd back my kid's play. Basically, that is all you are doing. You are advocating for your SD, a child who you have raised and likely love as much as if you'd given birth to her. And there is nothing, NOTHING wrong with that.

Your husband, of course, is entitled to his feeling that SD should try for the sake of trying. He's doing what he thinks is best for his daughter - he's likely coming from a point of not wanting her to regret her decision some day down the road.

And while I think he may be misguided, that your SD is old enough to know her mind, I can't think of either of you being an asshole.

oldwild writes:

NTA-The 13 year old has the right to make her own decisions regarding BM. If 13 year old wants a relationship with BM she can resume communication when she is older and better equipped to understand how she feels about her BM.

better equipped to defend her stance against BM, build strength emotionally to be able to tell BM why she feels the way that she does. Support the SD validate her feelings which at her age is highly important for her to know that she is supported by her family and stepmom.

SD needs to know her feelings count and are supported. SD needs to be the one to communicate her feelings to BM. OP just be there by her side to support her. Let her know that her feelings and opinions matter.

You want her to grow up to be a strong woman. This is where it begins. Hold SD's hand if she needs it, just be there. I have 2 SD. I am so proud of the women that they have become, strong, self reliant, leaders, not afraid to speak the truth, do what they need to do everyday.

Both SD's had to make a similar decision to tell BM they were afraid of her and didn't want to live with her. Kids need the help and support of the adults in their lives. It's really sad that the biological parents aren't supportive of the kids.

Happy that you are there for her OP. SD dad needs a wake up call for not supporting his daughter or being there to help her navigate the guilty feelings that she may have.

What do YOU make of OP's story? Any advice for him?

Sources: Reddit
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