Man refuses to help his struggling elderly parents, 'they ignored my wedding.' AITA?
"AITA for refusing to take care of my parents after they ignored my wedding?"
I (29M) recently got married to my partner of five years, and we had a beautiful ceremony. However, my parents, who have always had a strained relationship with me, chose not to attend the wedding.
They cited financial reasons and claimed they couldn’t afford the travel expenses, but I know they’ve attended other events in the past that were much farther away. It felt like a clear message that they didn’t approve of my partner or my life choices.
Growing up, my parents were never very supportive. They always favored my older brother, who could do no wrong in their eyes, while I was constantly compared and found lacking. My achievements were often brushed aside, and when I moved out to attend college, our relationship became even more distant.
Despite these challenges, I reached out to them before the wedding, hoping we could put the past behind us. Unfortunately, their refusal to attend felt like the final straw.
Recently, my parents reached out to me, saying they are struggling financially and need my help. They’re both nearing retirement age, and my dad lost his job last year. My brother, who they’ve always relied on, has also been having his own financial troubles and can’t support them anymore. They asked if I could take them in or help pay their bills.
I told them that after they ignored one of the most important days of my life, I no longer felt an obligation to help them. I explained that while I do feel some sympathy for their situation, their past actions have shown me that they don’t truly care about me or my happiness. My parents were furious, accusing me of being selfish and ungrateful, but I stood my ground.
My wife supports my decision, but other family members are pressuring me to reconsider. They argue that regardless of how my parents treated me, they are still my parents, and I should help them in their time of need. I’m torn, as I feel guilty but also believe I have the right to set boundaries. So, AITA for refusing to help my parents after they chose to ignore my wedding?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
ThatGuyWhoEatsBagels said:
NTA, maybe their precious golden child can support them. They chose who to prioritize, and now that their investment with your older brother has failed they decide to contact you for money. Cut off permanently, they will only treat you like an ATM.
NikkiFtchin said:
NTA: Your parents have to lie in the bed they made. After they chose to disregard and treat you and your partner disrespectfully, it is not your duty to care for them or provide for them. You have the right to establish limits and put your own happiness first. First, look for yourself.
Ok_Airline_9031 said:
NTA. They made it clear where you stood in their eyes for years. Anyone saying 'but faaaaaaaamily' is welcome to help them out, but you have bo obligations. They're reaping what they sowed.
MoonXMystery_ said:
NTA. Why should you look after them on their special day when they neglected yours?
RandomReddit9791 said:
NTA. You owe them nothing. You didn't mention that they acknowledged their wrongdoings and apologized. They just asked for financial assistance. They'll use you of you let them. Don't.
FixImaginary2643 said:
NTA - the extended family can help them since they are family. They showed you that you were never part of the family and now that you can be used they now see you as their child. The golden child can figure out how to support along the rest of the family.
Exotic_Ideal_8255 said:
NTA - and not just because of how they have treated you throughout your life. If they are nearing retirement age, they should have been planning and saving for this. Are they unable to work? It's hard enough these days to support our own needs without the added burden of other adult family members. (either parents or children)