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Man refuses to meet GF's 3 kids; GF screams, 'You're going to be a bad father!' AITA? UPDATED

Man refuses to meet GF's 3 kids; GF screams, 'You're going to be a bad father!' AITA? UPDATED


When this man is confused by his GF's obsession with him meeting her 3 children, he asks the internet:

"AITA for refusing to meet my GF's kids?"

I am a 36-year-old man. My parents are immigrants from Asia. I’m very close to my family and have a good job. I was madly in love with Jennifer (F, 36) in high school. We ended up hanging out a lot, but it never went beyond friendship.

A few months ago, I signed up for a dating app and saw Jennifer’s profile. I felt like a teenager again; she looked the same. I immediately messaged her, and we started chatting. She told me she got married after high school, had three kids, and amicably separated from her husband.

They are still very close; he lives a block away from her, and she works for him. She then met another guy, had another baby, but things didn’t work out with him either.

Eventually, Jennifer told me she liked me back in high school too. I took her out on a date, and we ended up talking a lot. I decided to be honest with her and told her that I would like to get married and have my own kids one day.

She got frustrated and said I was willing to throw away a real connection over having kids. She suggested we not talk about this for now and just enjoy each other’s company. I have been extra careful not to give her the wrong idea (we have only cuddled but have not had se%).

On our sixth date, she said she wanted me to meet her kids. I told her no because this is a huge step and we are not there yet. She got mad and said if I can’t be a good stepdad, how on earth will I be a good dad, i'm going to be a bad father, etc. She said she was willing to have a baby with me.

I told her I needed to think about it. My family is old-fashioned and will be furious if they find out I’m thinking of getting serious with her (not because she is white, but because of her marital situation and kids), so I can’t discuss this with them.

Am I the asshole for being in love with her but not ready to see her kids or wanting to have biological kids?

Before we give you OP's update, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

fendi7 writes:

NTA but six dates in and she wants you to meet her kids?! That's not a good idea either.

face9 writes:

She just started talking to you a few months ago and said she’s willing to have a baby with you, when she already has 4 kids, with two different dads? I get sometimes stuff just happens and life doesn’t work out, but by how you’ve described this I would run.

gfreeet writes:

She is delulu if she thinks relationship with her is more important than being a father (which is your dream). She is playing mind games and she sounds scary!!

Also, why on earth would she allow you to meet her kids after only few dates when you aren’t even in a committed relationship? This is a huge ref flag and makes me wonder why would you want to have her to be your kids mother? Have a woman who hasn’t had kids yet.

She is 36 with 4 kids with 2 different man! 5th kid might even be a healthy hazard for her not to mentions 6th! It would really be an health hazard for her. Also wouldn’t you be embarrassed to should your baby mama and her 4 kids with with 2 other guys..? I And no one sais “alright I’ll just have a baby with you”

Edited: didn’t realize first that there are already 4 babies and 2 baby dads.. OP run! If you want to have kids, have someone younger.

crimeaa6 writes:

"if I can’t be a good stepdad, how on earth will I be a good dad." "She got frustrated and said I was willing to throw away a real connection over having kids." These two enough answers for you. NTA.

feast4 writes:

NTA I would not want to date somebody that would let me meet their children after such a short time. A good parent would never do that and the fact that she expects you to meet them so soon shows the type of person she is.

She wants you to step up and play daddy and take care of her and her children. They are not your responsibility and you need to see the situation clearly.

Do you want to be a stepdad? If you date her, you will have to have a relationship with her children. Are you prepared for that? What if she expects you to financially support them? Has she already hinted at money problems?

Also, you were in love with the idea of her. You were not in love with who she actually is. You barely know her. Don’t let that confuse you. And don’t hold onto the nostalgia of the past. It has been a very long time since then and people change.

bleacherblonde writes:

My husband had kids and was recently divorced when we met. On our second date I asked him if he ever wanted more kids, because that wasn’t something I was willing to give up. He said yes, and here we are 20 years later. So it is possible.

But honestly- it sounds like she’s done and she’s willing to say whatever you want to hear to get you to stick around. She’s looking for someone to pay her bills and take her load.

I’d bet money she’d tell you that she’s willing to have another, and string you along a couple years and then all of a sudden she’ll change her mind or have fertility problems (because she’s taking birth control behind your back or something)- she wants someone to take care of herself and her kids. You deserve better. Just leave it alone.

It’s way too soon to meet her kids, and she’s already made comments that allude to her not wanting more until she knew you wanted one, then oh she changed her mind. Stay away.

It’s not going to be worth the headache, I can promise you that. I’m a step parent, and being married is hard as f and add in baby daddies and drama and it’s almost impossible. Coupled with the fact that she’s wishy washy on more kids….

She’ll love bomb uou and get you involved and string you along and in 3 years when you’re married she’ll change her mind about more kids. Just don’t risk it.

makkabo writes:

Tough situation. She is who she is, you can't change that and if you're not ok with being a step-dad to her kids and deal with your parents' reaction, you need to stop entertaining her and leave the situation. She, on the other hand, seems way too quick to want to find a replacement daddy.

That's a red flag. As a single mom myself, I tell you I am MEGA cautious about who gets to meet my kid, 6 dates is definitely not enough time so I would wonder why the rush. She also has 2 baby daddies and is now rushing into a trying to make you a third one.

That's really poor judgement. You're NTA, but if you decide to continue with this knowing deep in your heart that this is not really what you want, then you will be.

uniquecrow writes:

Any woman who expects anything from a man in connection with children that are not his - has boundary issues, feels like she's owed something by everyone and is a major problem. She will have social issues and issues behaving appropriately in public settings, on top of a plethora of other problems.

She may hope to find someone who shares interest in her kids, but her expectation is unrealistic and unacceptable. Women these days wonder why they can't find someone and end up old maids till the day they die. It's cognitive dissonance as the problem is everyone but them

I would entertain a quiet, appreciative, self disciplined woman, with kids who allowed some sort of something to blossom with the children spontaneously when the time is right.

If I heard one single word unnaturally about the kids and a relationship, anything at all - I would flat out ghost. She needs to learn and sometimes the cold shoulder is the only way.

Sounds like she should've been controlling herself and focusing on a man like you while she was out getting tossed between the football team. It's not your responsibility or even place.

I'd get the hell out of there man. A woman like that will do very vindictive things to you at the first incidence of displeasure. Don't get hooked and save yourself the trouble.

And now, OP's update:

I decided to end it with her in person. I thought ghosting was the cowardly way. We went out for dinner and then went for a walk. I told her that I respect her as a friend but we want different things so let’s end whatever this is.

She started crying and said she would be alone forever. I told her that’s not true at all. I told her she would meet a man who wants the same thing as her and there are many guys out there.

She cried more then asked if there was someone else. I said no I’m not ending it because of anyone else. Then she screamed and did a 180 and said “Look how many guys I talk to on my phone! You think I can’t do better than you? You are so dumb! You can’t even see I chose you! I want you!”

I drove her back to her place. I thought it was over. I woke up to a couple of nude pics she sent to my Instagram and Snapchat. She captioned “4 kids later and I still got it! Too bad you want “different things.”

She is friends with a couple of my friends and they all say I’m AH for leading her on and abandoning her. I wish we could just stay friends but I did the coward move and blocked her from everywhere.

Readers continued to weigh in on OP's update:

felonn5 writes:

It's not the coward way to block her everywhere. You are doing her a favor. The less contact she has with you, the faster she'll move on.

I never understand other people putting in their two cents in situations like this. The only two people who really know the situation are OP and ex.

pleeer writes:

She was shopping for a provider. I understand we all have baggage, but cray had way more than her fair share. 2 baby daddies (one complete relationship fuck up just wasn't enough), 4 kids, and working for one of your baby daddies that you live a block away from. Whew.

gaga09 writes:

NTA You just dodged a very expensive and responsibility filled bullet. You didn't lead her on. You promised nothing. You only went out on a few dates and you didn't even get in her pants. 6 dates in and she's calling you stepdad!

Just remember, the girl you liked in high school was a hot chick you made up a fantasy about in your head. You just found out that in real life, she's a walking red flag. It doesn't sound like her BDs are deadbeats, so she seems to be the problem.

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