Man refuses to be an organ donor for father, 'my siblings BEGGED me to save him.' AITA?

"AITA for refusing to consider being an organ donor for my abusive father even after my siblings begged me to save him?"

My father was abusive to me (20sM) but was never abusive to my siblings (all 8+ years younger than me). We're full siblings. He is my father as much as theirs. But he always treated me like crap and our mother allowed it so I don't have anything too nice to say about her either. In her own way she tried to be there for me. But she didn't save me from him and she sure as heck didn't prioritize making my life better.

The abuse my father inflicted on me was physical and emotional and it lasted my entire childhood. I know he never did the same to my siblings. They told me (and I know not everyone can see it) but I have witnessed him with them and the difference is night and day.

I'd even say he was a good parent to them and if I didn't exist, he could be called a good father overall. But I was there and he did hate me. He didn't care what happened to me.

I'm not going into specifics about which organ or what his condition is. But my father is now sick and needs a transplant. Think kidney or liver. I'll also say it wasn't self-inflicted this condition because I know that gets asked when stuff like this comes up.

My mother and siblings were all tested and didn't match, my father's siblings and some of their kids were tested and there wasn't a match. Some of his friends got tested and they weren't a match. They have him on the transplant list but he gets sicker and they don't know if a match will come forward in time.

My siblings reached out to me to ask me to get tested and donate if I'm a match. They told me it's looking really bad and he could die. They said they can't lose him and they know I hate him, they know he put me through heck and abused me. But they wanted me to do it for them instead of him.

So they can have him for another however many years. They were pleading and frantic and even offered to make sure I got some money from our parents to make up for everything. I felt bad for them and how awful they felt, but I told them I couldn't put myself through something like that to save his life. I said even for them it was too big of an ask.

They brought up how serious this is again and I told them I know but it won't be from me if he gets what he needs. I told them I needed them to accept it and focus on being there with him.

They said some stuff after. I won't go into it all and I'm not even mad because they're still so young and their experience with the man is SO different than mine. None of them were ever abused.

But I have grappled with should I have agreed for them. At least getting tested and knowing if everyone else wasn't a match the likelihood I would be was tiny anyway and I could have spared them the upset. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Wingbow7 said:

You may need that kidney later. Keep it. Besides, donated organs really don’t last forever.

Wonderful_Citron_518 said:

NTA. And if it’s not a lifestyle issue that’s caused the problem, who knows down the line you or your potential child might develop the same condition and the donation could put you at a disadvantage. Or not allow you to be a donor for your own children.

And frankly you don’t even need a reason. He doesn’t deserve it and donating is far from risk free for the donor even a young healthy person. You might be prepared to accept the risk for a beloved family member but not for an abuser. And if the donation failed what a waste that would be , for a person who does not deserve it.

OkieLady1952 said:

If you want to get them off your back just go ahead and get tested. Tell the doctor that you are only doing this to get your siblings off your back. That you don’t want to donate whatever he needs. They’ll just tell them you’re not a match.

Mother_Search3350 said:

He never cared whether you lived or died...The audacity of them asking you to care whether He lives or dies is ridiculous. They DGAF about you. They are truly their father's children and only care about themselves. No is a complete sentence. You have said NO and they need to respect that. NTA.

Real-Experience-1584 said:

Your father didn't care if you lived or died, but now you're supposed to save his life? Absolutely not. Your siblings are asking you to be a martyr for a man who abused you. It’s tragic for them, but you owe him nothing. NTA.

LowCalorieCheesecake said:

NTA. But have you considered lying? Your father will be dead soon, your siblings may have been unaware of the abuse or too young to contemplate it. If there’s even the remotest chance you want to continue a relationship with them now as adults.

(The only family you have left I presume?) then cutting them off to get back at your father may not be the best choice. Obviously you’re not going to get tested and donate a kidney. But just tell them you got tested and you’re not a match, then they’ll stop asking you.