'AITA for refusing to pay for my younger sister's wedding despite my parents' insistence?'
"AITA for refusing to pay for my younger sister's wedding despite my parents' insistence?"
Hi everyone to start this off, I just came here to tell you about what happened. This is a bit long, but I need to get this off my chest. I'm a 32-year-old man, and I have a younger sister, who we will call Emily, who is 24. My parents have always spoiled her, and it’s only gotten worse as we’ve gotten older. I don’t mind helping family, but this situation has gone too far. Here’s the story.
I started working right out of college, saved diligently, and now I own a small but successful business. My parents, on the other hand, haven't been great with money. They’ve always lived beyond their means, and as a result, they never really had savings to fall back on.
Emily, being the youngest, was pampered throughout her childhood and teenage years. She got everything she wanted – new car at 16, fully funded college tuition (which she dropped out of), and frequent shopping sprees. I, on the other hand, worked part-time jobs and took out student loans to get through school.
Fast forward to now: Emily is getting married to her boyfriend of two years. They announced the engagement a few months ago, and my parents were over the moon. They immediately started planning a lavish wedding, far beyond what they can afford. Naturally, they turned to me for financial support.
At first, it was small things – "Can you help with the engagement party?" and "Could you chip in for the dress?" I agreed, thinking it wouldn’t be much. But then they started asking for more – "We need help with the venue deposit," and "The catering is going to cost a lot, can you cover it?"
I sat down with them and explained that while I’m doing well financially, I’m not made of money, and I have my own expenses and future to think about. They brushed it off, saying it’s my duty to help family, especially my sister. They even suggested I take out a loan if necessary.
The last straw was when they asked me to pay for the honeymoon. I put my foot down and told them I’m done funding the wedding. My parents were furious. They accused me of being selfish and ungrateful, saying that family should come first. Emily, of course, sided with them and is now barely speaking to me.
She’s posting passive-aggressive stuff on social media about "selfish people" and "not being able to rely on family."
My parents are now telling everyone in our extended family that I’m refusing to help my sister in her time of need, and I’m getting a lot of backlash. Some relatives have called to scold me, while others are staying out of it. I’m starting to feel guilty, but at the same time, I think it’s unfair to expect me to bankroll such an extravagant event. So am I the a@ole for this?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
TassieBorn said:
Can't afford an extravagant wedding is NOT "time of need." NTA.
Thedudeabides470 said:
NTA. If it’s possible to get refunds for some of the things you’ve already put deposits on I would do so. You’re the brides brother not a cash machine. You don’t say whether you’re close with your sister.
Is she aware of the amount of support you have given so far? Or does she think mom and dad shelled out tens of thousands and you’re balking at some individual item that’s relatively short money? In any event your success does not oblige you to bankroll their idiocy.
Regular_Boot_3540 said:
NTA. This isn't a "time of need." This is an extravagant wedding that your parents are planning without the funds to back it. Your sister can get married with fewer bells and whistles and without your financial contribution.
Dry_Topic_7333 said:
NTA. Your parents want you to make up for their complete inability to handle money. Suggesting you take out a loan for your sister's wedding is beyond absurd. Your sister is talking shit about you on social media...again, this is insane. These sorts of things are what teenagers do. Do not pay for this wedding.
guardlamamama said:
Easy NTA - You have no obligation to help pay for the wedding. They could willingly expect a nice gift from you, but anything else is at your discretion. They seem particularly ungrateful.
CrazyCranberry3333 said:
NTA. And I feel like everyone would agree that it’s not the older siblings job to provide for younger siblings. It’s the parents job.
I wouldn’t put any money towards it personally but if you want to sit down with your sister and give a “wedding gift” of X amount she can use on whatever, that’s your choice. But don’t feel obligated. Your parents are idiots and entitled. They don’t get to utilize their eldest as a f*%$#ng atm.