"AITA for refusing to re-propose after what my fiancée did?"
I (29M) proposed to my fiancée (28F) six months ago with a beautiful ring that I saved up for over a year to buy. She was thrilled, and we've been happily planning our wedding since then.
Last weekend, we went on a trip to the mountains for a little getaway. During one of our hikes, she realized that her engagement ring was missing. She was devastated and we spent hours retracing our steps, but we couldn't find it. I didn't realize she was so irresponsible.
When we got back home, she asked if I could get a new ring and re-propose to her to recreate the special moment. I told her that I understood how she felt, but buying another ring of the same quality would be financially challenging for me right now.
I suggested that we could either wait until I could afford a similar ring or get a more modest ring for now and upgrade it in the future. She was upset and said that it wouldn't feel the same with a different ring and that the magic of the proposal was lost. She insisted that she wanted the moment to be recreated just as it was before.
I told her that the important thing was our commitment to each other, not the ring or the proposal itself. She accused me of not caring enough about her feelings and said that if I truly loved her, I would find a way to make it happen.
Now, there's a lot of tension between us, and she's been distant ever since. I feel like I'm being practical, but she feels like I'm not valuing our engagement enough. AITA for refusing to re-propose with a new ring under these circumstances?
Let's see what readers had to say on this:
newman12 writes:
NTA for not re-proposing. That's just stupid. You didn't break up and get back together. However, YTA for not getting insurance on the ring and a size guard to keep that shit from slipping off.
However, she also is the asshole for wearing the ring to go hiking in the mountains. And for expecting you to re-propose.
I'm not sure how I feel about replacing the ring. I think I agree with your cheap one for now idea. I feel like it's smarter to save up money to go towards a house then to buy another ring she might lose again.
canat writes:
NTA. So she didn't have a ring guard, the ring wasn't properly sized, and the ring wasn't insured. That's unfortunate. But the loss of it is accidental, not something she did deliberately, so it feels like you're adding insult to injury, in a way.
repdo writes:
You're a bit of on AH. My ring is my fiances grandmother's from 1942 and when i had it resized, i was told it needed to be insured to the tune of about 6 grand. I thought i lost it dog walking once, the panic i felt. It wasn't intentional, that ring is one of my most prized possessions.
spacejes writes:
First, home owners or renters insurance often covers lost jewelery. Look into your policy. Second, look onto sizing down if the last ring slipped off her finger.
Third, don't by expensive things for people who don't take care of them, then demand replacements, then attach conditions to the acceptance of replacement expensive things, then emotionally manipulate you into compliance.
As a dad in his 40s, I don't know a single happy couple where one partner acts like your fiancee. They're either divorced or the husband walks through life like a zombie, praying for a meteor to land on him.
NTA, but you have much bigger problems ahead of you. Good luck.
cremebrule writes:
No offense but saying “the most important thing was our commitment to each other, not the proposal itself” shows your ignorance. The proposal and the ring are very important to most women…if you have insurance on the ring you could say it was stolen and maybe they will replace it.
I think the real issue (and this may be a blessing in disguise) is that she needs to find a man who isn’t struggling so much financially. This is a warning sign. She doesn’t HAVE to wait for you to save up again or for you to afford something someday when there are men who can readily give her the ring she wants.
She just isn’t aware of this yet unfortunately and is putting up with all this stuff because she doesn’t know any better. You’re not in the wrong necessarily because you’re offering what you can do for her which just isn’t enough.