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Man refuses to re-propose after what fiancé does; 'I didn't realize she was so irresponsible.' AITA?

Man refuses to re-propose after what fiancé does; 'I didn't realize she was so irresponsible.' AITA?

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When this man is furious with his fiancé, he asks the internet:

"AITAH for Refusing to Re-Propose After What My Fiancée Did?"

I (29M) proposed to my fiancée (28F) six months ago with a beautiful ring that I saved up for over a year to buy. She was thrilled, and we've been happily planning our wedding since then.

Last weekend, we went on a trip to the mountains for a little getaway. During one of our hikes, she realized that her engagement ring was missing. She was devastated and we spent hours retracing our steps, but we couldn't find it. I didn't realize she was so irresponsible.

When we got back home, she asked if I could get a new ring and re-propose to her to recreate the special moment. I told her that I understood how she felt, but buying another ring of the same quality would be financially challenging for me right now.

I suggested that we could either wait until I could afford a similar ring or get a more modest ring for now and upgrade it in the future.

She was upset and said that it wouldn't feel the same with a different ring and that the magic of the proposal was lost. She insisted that she wanted the moment to be recreated just as it was before.

I told her that the important thing was our commitment to each other, not the ring or the proposal itself. She accused me of not caring enough about her feelings and said that if I truly loved her, I would find a way to make it happen.

Now, there's a lot of tension between us, and she's been distant ever since. I feel like I'm being practical, but she feels like I'm not valuing our engagement enough. AITAH for refusing to re-propose with a new ring under these circumstances?

Let's see what readers had to say on this:

newman12 writes:

NTA for not re-proposing. That's just stupid. You didn't break up and get back together.

However, YTA for not getting insurance on the ring and a size guard to keep that shit from slipping off.

However, she also is the asshole for wearing the ring to go hiking in the mountains. And for expecting you to re-propose.

I'm not sure how I feel about replacing the ring. I think I agree with your cheap one for now idea. I feel like it's smarter to save up money to go towards a house then to buy another ring she might lose again.

hellaciousfire writes:

NTA. She lost the ring and that’s sad. But you did sacrifice to give her a nice ring. It should have been insured so that it could be replaced. Since it wasn’t, then she will have to figure out how to manage moving forward.

I understand she’s feeling the loss but you are correct that it isn’t practical to save to buy another engagement ring right now. You’re wise to understand that her accusing you of not caring enough is not quite accurate and you’re also right to disagree with a re-proposal.

It’s the love between you that matters. Next set of rings can be wedding rings and you can also get her another ring on an anniversary in the future. You don’t have to stress yourself out trying to buy her a new ring to “prove” your love for her. You’ve already proven your love, she has to understand that

canat writes:

NTA. So she didn't have a ring guard, the ring wasn't properly sized, and the ring wasn't insured. That's unfortunate. But the loss of it is accidental, not something she did deliberately, so it feels like you're adding insult to injury, in a way.

She had a reasonable expectation that the ring she's worn without incident for months would remain safely on her finger. Unfortunately, that was not the case.

Should she expect a new proposal with the exact same ring...no. But you could be kinder about it. She's devastated by losing it and may even fear it's a bad omen for your future together. That's probably why she wants a do-over moment.

She wants to hit the reset button on a very negative experience and recapture the joy. It's not practical at the moment, and may not be possible ever, but think of some way to bridge the gap and make her feel it will get better.

And above all else, don't argue over this. Communicate clearly and respectfully with each other, and don't let this negative energy linger.

repdo writes:

You're a bit of on AH. My ring is my fiances grandmother's from 1942 and when i had it resized, i was told it needed to be insured to the tune of about 6 grand. I thought i lost it dog walking once, the panic i felt. It wasn't intentional, that ring is one of my most prized possessions.

My fella was so calm and lovely when i burst through the door FREAKING out. Luckily it was just my adhd misplacement and it was safe in one of my 'safe zones' we have round the house in locations i might remove it.

But why cant you just get a cheaper ring and have a cut, romantic little gesture at home in bed or over dinner. To make your missus HAPPY. I never get men like you punishing their missus for an honest mistake. Grow up.

spacejes writes:

First, home owners or renters insurance often covers lost jewelery. Look into your policy. Second, look onto sizing down if the last ring slipped off her finger.

Third, don't by expensive things for people who don't take care of them, then demand replacements, then attach conditions to the acceptance of replacement expensive things, then emotionally manipulate you into compliance.

Forth, go talk to some people in their 40s and 50s. See how many of them are still happily married to partners who acted like this over engagement (and wedding planning).

As a dad in his 40s, I don't know a single happy couple where one partner acts like your fiancee. They're either divorced or the husband walks through life like a zombie, praying for a meteor to land on him.

NTA, but you have much bigger problems ahead of you. Good luck.

erinbox writes:

Agreed. And OP! IF you choose to purchase another ring, please insure it!

My ring is insured by my car insurance company and it's less than $30/year and it's full coverage. I had my ring appraised and it's worth over $8,000 (we did not pay that much), and we turned in the appraisal sheet to insurance and that was that. The jeweler didn't even charge me to appraise it.

Diamonds fall out sometimes (prongs can weaken from wear and tear over time), and for me my weight has fluctuated by over 70 pounds so my rings went from fitting perfect to way too tight to now they're way too big, I wear a ring guard but need to get them re-sized, but I'm very careful because I don't want to lose them!

A friend lost her center diamond ON HER HONEYMOON, not doing anything crazy, they were just hiking and that diamond was long gone. Insurance covered it. Please look in to it! Peace of mind is worth it!

simpleplank writes:

NTA but what the hell is wrong with her?? This is a big red flag!! If she is difficult over a nobrainer like this, what will she be like if you have children?

She sounds materialistic and not in love. She should be the one contacting insurance companies and getting the money together. Your proposal was the one she already had.

Sounds like that moment didn’t mean as much to her as the ring and the value of the ring did. I would be super ashamed if I lost a ring my bf was saving a year for!! It was way too expensive ring.

The question here is that do you still want to marry her? She doesn’t seem to respect you and she is ridiculous, entitled and a piece of shit for trying to blackmail you as she whines that you don’t love me if you don’t buy me another ring and propose again.

Also, is this really the first time she acts this way because I hardly doubt so.

mswai writes:

NTA - maybe you should rethink the engagement if she's already starting to make manipulative demands like this.

If I were your fiancee, I would've felt terrible too, but I wouldn't have expected you to fix MY mistake. She should've been more careful and either used a spacer to make the ring fit better or left it at home if she didn't have it insured.

In fact, I didn't wear my engagement ring for a couple weeks because it was loose, until I got a spacer and insurance. It's not that expensive!

My husband lost his wedding band at the gym (he took it off and put it in a small pocket in his gym bag, but he didn't zip it up all the way). He felt so guilty that he looked for it for weeks hoping to find it, but ultimately did not.

When he told me, I was upset, but I also realized that the ring itself is not important, but his commitment to me and our marriage. He decided to replace it ON HIS OWN since it was HIS FAULT.

Granted, a mens wedding band vs a woman's engagement ring are extremely different in value and cost. However, he took responsibility for his mistake.

anumat writes:

Nta...she didn't lose the ring, she pawned it or is hiding it in some sick game to test you. There is no way this woman LOST an engagement ring then has the audacity to demand that you pay for another one.

She should be the one paying for it or the wedding bands after being that careless. As a woman I'm telling you that this is a sign of how little value she puts in you and your relationship.

She sounds extremely selfish and her manners are deplorable. If I were you I'd dump her and sue her for the cost of the ring cuz her audacity has me flabbergasted. Best of luck and you are really crazy enough to marry her, get a prenuptial and keep all finances separate. Don't let her be a sahm either or you are screwed.

smaast8 writes:

NTA. My Boyfriend a little after we got together gave me a Lego Ring. It's a plastic ring that was once painted Gold (now just a yellow plastic circle) that I wear with a chain around my neck. I lost that ring once and felt like absolute shit. That was the closest I was getting to an enjoyment or wedding ring for a hot minute and I loved it.

Losing it nearly broke me and I felt so bad just because what that ring ment. I found it the next day on a yellow floor. My story here is to say this. I never asked him for a new one (he said he had one but told him no).

I never expected him to "recreate" the moment he gave me the ring. I lost it and I held all of that guilt and made sure he knew he should not have any.

You saved up for over year to get that ring. You worked hard and you got the ring you thought was perfect. After 6 months, she loses it. She wants you to get her a new one that looks just like the last one now when it took you long enough to save and she expects you to re propose to her.

Sounds like she is also trying to make you feel guilty about her losing the ring. Anyone who says, "If you truly loved me", no matter the reason, is just looking to manipulate you which is exactly what she is trying to do.

If it were me in your shoes, she would not be getting a new ring. She would be getting out of my life. Save the money you would have spent on the ring on a future ring for the right partner who won't pull that crap.

cremebrule writes:

No offense but saying “the most important thing was our commitment to each other, not the proposal itself” shows your ignorance. The proposal and the ring are very important to most women…if you have insurance on the ring you could say it was stolen and maybe they will replace it.

I think the real issue (and this may be a blessing in disguise) is that she needs to find a man who isn’t struggling so much financially. This is a warning sign. She doesn’t HAVE to wait for you to save up again or for you to afford something someday when there are men who can readily give her the ring she wants.

She just isn’t aware of this yet unfortunately and is putting up with all this stuff because she doesn’t know any better. You’re not in the wrong necessarily because you’re offering what you can do for her which just isn’t enough.

What do YOU make of OP's story? Is he TA or not?

Sources: Reddit
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