Man refuses to remove tattoo dedicated to his ex for current girlfriend, 'can't you do this for me?' AITA? UPDATED

"AITA for refusing to remove a tattoo related to my ex...for my current partner?"

My 24M girlfriend 29F and I have been together 2 years. I only have one tattoo. I got it when I was 19 and it was given to me by my ex girlfriend. The tattoo, while it’s not directly about or “for” my ex, she was the person to tattoo it on me.

It’s a small, minimal tattoo. My ex and I never broke up. She died unexpectedly in an accident. I was 21. I haven’t been in a serious relationship until this one I’m in now, because I’ve taken time to overcome the loss and all the associated trauma.

To me, my tattoo holds a lot of meaning — it extends beyond the relationship I had with my ex. I’ve tried to explain that to my girlfriend, but her thinking is black and white: if you’re over her, just get it removed. Can’t you do this for me? Don’t you want to move on? It means you’re stuck in the past. These are some of her arguments. AITA for wanting to keep my tattoo?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Physical_Poetry3506 said:

That girl isn't your ex. She's your late girlfriend and she deserves to be treated as such. You should feel no shame in keeping a tattoo that pays tribute to her.

BeautifulIsla said:

NTA. Why is she jealous of someone who is not with us anymore? That tattoo holds a memory, and it looks like she is more stuck in the past that you for dwelling on this.

NervousAd7170 said:

NTA. Your former girlfriend really isn't an "ex" you still loved her when she passed away, and there is never a way to get over losing someone you loved. I think you need to find a girlfriend who is more mature and will understand that.

joddo81 said:

NTA. She's being ridiculously immature to keep badgering you about this. It's a red flag.

CelticKnyt said:

NTA - Demanding someone "remove" a tattoo in general is a pretty crazy demand. If it's not specifically a name or very obvious symbol of her, there should be no reason for someone to even request it be removed or covered. Your current gf seems very insecure.

LiluLay said:

Absolutely NTA. Similar to you, I have a large tattoo on my shoulder that was designed by my first (late) husband, who was killed in a motorcycle accident. This was back in 1998, so it’s been a long time. My husband who I have been with for 25 years has never even considered asking me to remove this tattoo. He said, “he was a part of you, this tattoo is a part of you, and I love you."

I think your girlfriend is being totally unreasonable and acting insecure about a person who isn’t even on this earthly plane. Your late girlfriend is a part of you and if your current girlfriend loves you, she should accept the tattoo as part of the map of your human experience.

UPDATE:

CW: assault

I talked to my girlfriend, and even though I’ve explained in the past, I tried to explain again one last time, thinking maybe if we could communicate our feelings more clearly…we would get past this misunderstanding. I explained my tattoo is personally meaningful to me in a way that has nothing to do with my ex, it doesn’t mean I haven’t moved on or that I’m stuck in the past.

We talked for a long time and I did not break up with her because of how this conversation went. I genuinely believed we overcame it. A few days passed, she drank too much while celebrating a work milestone with her colleagues. She called me that night to come to her place.

She was in a good mood that night...I fell asleep first. While I was asleep, she stubbed a cigarette on my tattoo. I broke up with her because I can’t take it anymore..her fixation with my tattoo.

Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:

WhisperingDreamChar said:

NTA. Your tattoo is meaningful to you, and you made it clear that it wasn’t about your ex, but about personal significance. You gave her multiple chances to understand, but what she did—damaging your tattoo after you’d already talked about it...

Crossed a serious line. It’s not just about the tattoo; it’s about respect and trust in the relationship. If someone can’t respect something that important to you, that’s a much bigger issue. You were right to walk away.

MelanieBrown12 said:

Bro, she LITERALLY branded you in your sleep. I don’t care how "meaningful" the tattoo is, that’s psycho behavior. Peace out was the only option.

Sweet-Interview5620 said:

NTA please report it to the police and press charges she assaulted you and burned you. She needs a criminal record as she will abuse in the future. You deserve to press charges for what she did.

Nevermind04 said:

If you don't file a police report, then you are enabling this behavior and will share some responsibility for her next victim.

sheennaaaS said:

NTA. She crossed a serious line by damaging something meaningful to you, and you were right to end things. You gave her multiple chances to respect your boundaries, but she disrespected them in the worst way.

No_Thought_7776 said:

I'm glad to hear you broke up, she can't get over her jealousy. NTA.