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Man refuses to replace $100 of Halloween candy his niece stole at GF's adults-only party. AITA?

Man refuses to replace $100 of Halloween candy his niece stole at GF's adults-only party. AITA?


"AITA for asking my new boyfriend to buy more Halloween candy because his niece took all of mine?"

On Saturday I hosted an adults-only Halloween wine night. Most of my friends have children and they look forward to having a night away. We put on a scary movie, paint or carve pumpkins, drink wine, and eat snacks.

My new boyfriend of 2 months said he was bringing his sister to join which I was excited about because I’ve only ever met her in passing twice but she’s around my age and seems really nice. She has 2 children so I specifically reminded my boyfriend it was adults-only.

Of course she shows up with her daughter who is 10…I love kids but this night specifically is meant for and planned for adults. I don’t have children so my house isn’t even kid friendly. Anyways, his niece saw my trick or treat setup and got excited to get some candy.

I told her she could pick one but told her it was for trick or treaters (her mom was standing right there) and then we went back to enjoy time with the adults. I even told my boyfriend I was annoyed she brought her daughter but I didn’t want her kid to know (it’s not the kid's fault).

One of my friends even made a comment that she paid for a sitter that night to have adult time. My boyfriend’s sister and her daughter finally left around midnight and I continued hanging out with my friends.

While I was cleaning up I realized all of the Halloween candy was gone. Not one piece left (for reference it was 2 huge bowls from the Costco bags so over $100 of Halloween candy).

I asked my friends if they noticed anything and they said the little girl kept walking up to it but they thought she was just trying to get the scarecrow to scare her. I asked my boyfriend and he literally said, “if you didn’t want her to have it you shouldn’t have put it out." It wasn’t out!

It was sitting close to the back door so on Halloween I can just move it outside before I get home from work. Once I get home I then bring it in and pass out the candy myself. I asked him if he’d go to Costco and get more candy since his niece took over $100 worth of candy without her mom or him watching her or telling her not to do that.

He said no and again that it was my fault I put it out so his niece didn’t know. We’re 2 months into our relationship and never had any actual issues. Very happy, but this just seems selfish and rude. My friends just sided with me so I’m asking for unbiased opinions.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

furyoffive said:

NTA - 10 year olds should be old enough to know better. Also old enough to follow basic instructions. if it was obvious, my apologies. Did this child just take the candy and take it home, or did this child eat all that candy? I would hate for it to be the latter, cant imagine that child felt good afterwards.

Spydurs said:

NTA. Your boyfriend and his sister clearly have an issue respecting boundaries. He can’t control the sister but there were plenty of instances where he could have stepped in and advocated for your boundaries. He didn’t do that.

He wasn’t the least bit apologetic for his sisters sh*tty etiquette either (who brings a child to an adults only party? And didn’t ask, and had the nerve to leave them unattended?)

He should have either told her to go home, to watch her kid, or made it right. He failed all three opportunities and then blamed YOU for everything. That man is not your boyfriend. Boyfriends don’t allow people to cross boundaries of their girlfriend, and then manipulate their girlfriend when it comes time to take accountability.

Fragrant-Jaguar-9019 said:

NTA. That’s just ah moves from the sister. You’re bf is enabling both their behaviors. Honestly, that’s the kind of shit that should make you think twice. I know it sounds stupid, should I break up with him over candy.

But the fact is, neither your bf or his sister saw the problem and pretty much took advantage of your kindness. You don’t need need that, if he was a good guy, he would have just paid you back and apologized for that type of behavior.

LoonyLovegood66 said:

NTA. Dump him if he doesn't replace the candy. Probably should dump him either way because it's only 2 months in and already showing jerk tendencies.

EmotionalAttention63 said: need to contact her mother tho and ask her if her daughter took it. Or rather tell her she took it. Her mother may not know. That way her mother can either do the right thing and bring it back and make her apologize or, you'll find out if this bf and his family are worth even worth wasting time on.

By the bfs reaction I'd say he's not, but that doesn't mean his sis won't do the right thing. Either way, she shouldn't have even been there. You didn't"put it out", you specifically said no kids, and that's a LOT of candy.

wakingdreamland said:

Given that you’ve only been dating a couple months, I’d cut losses. Did he even tell her it was an adult party? I’d have sent her home, personally. He blamed you for what happened instead of standing up for you. Split; you can find less selfish men out there.

Everyone here was on OP's side for the Halloween party problem. What's your advice for this couple?

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