'AITA for not selling my car even though my fiancée refuses to sit in the front seat?'
"AITA for not selling my car even though my fiancée refuses to sit in the front seat?"
Hi, everyone. I’m (27M) engaged to my fiancée (26F), and while we’re preparing for our wedding, something recently came up that’s left me confused and conflicted. I want to know if I’m in the wrong here or if her reaction is unreasonable.
Here’s the issue: My fiancée refuses to sit in the front seat of my car because my ex used to sit there. She says it makes her uncomfortable and feels like she’s “taking what’s someone else’s.”
Instead, she insists on sitting in the back seat whenever we go somewhere, which honestly feels strange to me—like I’m her chauffeur. I offered to sell the car if it truly bothers her, but she told me not to because it would feel like she’s forcing me to do something. However, she still won’t sit in the front seat and avoids interacting with anything related to my past relationships.
This is part of a bigger pattern. She’s mentioned multiple times that she doesn’t want to do things I’ve done with my ex, like cuddling on the couch during a movie or visiting places I’ve been to before.
I’ve tried to be understanding of her feelings, but I’m starting to feel like I’m being held responsible for my past, which I can’t change. It’s also confusing because she keeps in touch with her own ex, occasionally texting or calling him, which I have no issue with as I trust her.
Whenever these situations come up, she tends to withdraw emotionally—avoiding physical affection, not saying good night, or being distant. While I love her and want to work through this, I’m starting to feel like I’m walking on eggshells around her emotions, especially when they’re tied to things I can’t control, like my past.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
AdmirableAvocado said:
She sounds emotionally immature. Honestly, I would hold off on marrying her until she has some serious amount of therapy sessions under her belt. NTA.
Samwry said:
NTA. Welcome to your future if you marry her! Every decision and destination and food and restaurant and activity and leisure spot will have to be examined for the malign presence of "the ex." This will never get better, only worse.
Now, imagine you do the same with HER ex! Every place they went together is taboo. But I guess not, according to the post. HER ex is ok, YOURS is out. Guess she won't touch your willy, because your ex (presumable) also touched it. Time to get while the getting is good. Also before you are baby-trapped and/or living together.
teresajs said:
NTA. This is controlling behavior. Stop playing her games. If she won't sit next to you in the front of the car, then don't drive her anymore. Ultimately, this relationship isn't going to work out.
It would be messier and more expensive to get a divorce than to choose not to marry this woman in the first place. Even if you don't want to end the relationship, you should put wedding plans on hold and get couple's counseling.
Winternin said:
She has mental problems. You shouldn't be asking if you are an AH for not selling the car. You should be asking whether you should marry this woman at all. And the answer is no.
TheVaneja said:
NTA. This is so weird. She can't have thought this through or she'd be unable to sit anywhere. She's being highly unreasonable over something ridiculous.
JustAnth3rUser said:
NTA do yourself a favor...this is a massive red flag dump her...
This is controlling behavior. Stop playing her games. If she won't sit next to you in the front of the car, then don't drive her anymore. Ultimately, this relationship isn't going to work out. It would be messier and more expensive to get a divorce than to choose not to marry this woman in the first place.
Even if you don't want to end the relationship, you should put wedding plans on hold and get couple's counseling.
Thank you so much for your advice! I’m seriously considering calling off the wedding! When I spoke to her about it earlier today in another car (not the one my ex sat in 😂), she dismissed my concerns, removed her seatbelt and started screaming at me during the argument, saying it’s normal.
She doesn’t contribute to practical matters like wedding or honeymoon planning and instead compares me to her dad, expecting me to take care of everything. She minimizes her toxic behaviors, blames PMS, and rarely apologizes. So yeah, listing all these out has really helped!
In the comments OP gave this update:
Thank you, everyone, for taking the time to share your stories, perspectives, and support on my post. Reading through the thousands of responses has been an eye-opening experience. I’ve seen how many of you have dealt with similar situations or have insightful advice, and I’m truly grateful for your honesty and compassion.
After reflecting on everything you’ve shared and my own feelings, I’ve made the decision to end my engagement. This relationship has made me realize that I deserve happiness, trust, and emotional security—things I’ve been struggling to find lately.
I care deeply about my fiancée, but I can’t keep walking on eggshells or feeling punished for things I can’t change about my past. Life is too short to live in fear of being myself.
Your stories about finding happiness after letting go of unhealthy relationships have given me hope that I can do the same. This is definitely not an easy decision, but I know it’s the right one for my future. Thank you all again for your support and for reminding me that it’s okay to prioritize my own well-being. Wishing everyone happiness and peace in your own journeys!