'ATIA for refusing to share any of my food with my roommate's girlfriend?' UPDATED
"ATIA for refusing to share any of my food with my roommate's girlfriend?"
I (24M) live with my flatmate Tommy (25M). A few weeks ago Tommy asked if his girlfriend Bella (26F) could stay with us for two weeks. She's moving apartments and has time between leases.
I begrudgingly agreed on the condition that she won't bother me for anything. I do not like Bella. Mainly because she constantly picks fights with Tommy over dumb sh@t.
I also find her to be entitled, lacking empathy, and having 'I'm the main character' energy. She's entertaining but I think she's unpleasant to be around overall.
So this morning was her first morning of 'living' with us. I'm in the kitchen making my breakfast. Bella comes out, goes through our fridge, and pulls out my fruit and my greek yogurt.
I notice and tell her that both of those are mine, she can eat from Tommy's groceries which are all on the left side of the fridge. She tells me 'but Tommy doesn't have fruit!' I tell her there's a grocery store across the street.
For some background, I plan out everything I eat each week gymbro style. Unless my gf wants to go out, I'll eat every meal at home. I also hate wasting food. I go grocery shopping once a week and buy exactly what I know will be eaten in one week, no more, no less.
Most weeks I cook for my gf and/or get her snacks and plan my groceries accordingly, but this week she's out of town visiting family and I have no food to spare. I'm cutting right now and will fall asleep hungry and cranky if I miss a single snack. Thus why I'm unwilling to share.
Anyways, Bella said I'm stingy, selfish, and a bad host. I told her she isn't my guest, I'm letting her stay with us as a favor to Tommy but I'd prefer if she wasn't here.
She told me that this is why I'm single (she doesn't know I have a gf because she doesn't bother asking about my life and I'm happy to not share), I told her I'd rather stay single than date someone like her and she's lucky Tommy puts up with her. She went running to Tommy demanding he make me apologize. AITA?
Here's what people had to say:
Night___Fairy said:
NTA, and I think you already know that. She can control and manipulate her bf, but not you. If she takes anymore food from you, bill her with interest.
JoeyDoesntShare2 OP responded:
The main reason I feel bad is that this is probably gonna rebound to Tommy. He apologized on her behalf and said that if he were me he'd stand his ground without apologizing for anything. But he also said it would make his life easier if I did, which I already knew.
No need to feel bad! She created her own problem. Even my past sh*tty roommates knew not to eat others' food. She owes you an apology. And your roommate's life would be easier if he wasn't dating someone who felt so entitled.
DontAskMeChit said:
NTA. She isn't your girlfriend or your responsibility. You told her right, if she wants fruit, the store is around the corner. It sound like she isn't used to hearing the word no.
BSye-34 said:
I'm getting second hand annoyance just from reading about her, you set boundaries and now they are being reneged.
timeman58 said:
NTA. No one is entitled to others food without explicit permission. You clearly didn’t furnish her with the permission to eat your food, so she is clearly in the wrong. It’s simply a matter of human decency at play here.
lanlawmaz said:
NTA. Not your responsability to share. Even if you did have extras. It is the entitlement for me. She could have kindly ask and offer to pay/replace when you told her the fruit was yours. But she is TA and you should not worry about whatever she thinks of you. Also don't apologize.