I (45M) share a daughter (17F) and son (15M) with my wife (41F). My wife's best friend (40F) has two daughter (18F & 15F). My wife's best friend moved to our town about six years. My wife and her best friend have been not so subtly pulling for the two 15-year-olds to end up together.
I find this weird and low-key creepy. About two years ago, wife's BF's youngest daughter appeared to have developed a crush on our son. My son talked to me about it and he had zero interest. So, we discussed how to tactfully but firmly let her down. She has approached him again a number of times over the last couple of years and he has reaffirmed his lack of interest.
This past summer, my wife's BF's oldest daughter turned 18. Her parents went all out for her birthday. It was a whole weekend of festivities and events. One of the events was a couple's dinner for the oldest daughter and all her friends in couples. The younger daughter of wife's BF wanted to go to the dinner but did not have anyone to go with.
She asked my son, and he agreed to go, but only as friends and just this one time. So, they went together. After the dinner, the "couples" all watched 10 Things I Hate About You together. It was my son's first time seeing it and he commented that he thought the Heath Ledger singing scene was cool (this is important later).
My business partner (44M) every year, for the last five years, throws a huge Halloween party. All our employees are invited along with close friends and family. The party requires a costume. And at this party, there are prizes for best individual costume, group costume, and couples' costume. My wife's BF and her family are obviously invited every year.
So, let me get to the reason I am here. About a month ago, my son is at school, and comes towards him is my wife's BF's younger daughter with a whole song and dance routine. She ends it by asking him to be her date for the Halloween party. My son was so frustrated and reiterated, for everyone to hear, that he is not interested in her like that at all.
Of course, it being high school, some kids laughed and she ran off crying. She has been bullied pretty badly because of it. My wife's BF is livid and thinks our son owes her daughter an apology. My wife agrees and thinks, at a minimum, he needs to defend her against the bullying. My son has said that for two years he has told her he is not interested and reiterated it over and over.
At this point, he thinks it's kind of harassing to him and it is not his role to defend her harassment of him. I agree with my son. My wife and I have had a number of disagreements about it since it happened.
Well things have intensified in the last couple of weeks or so because another girl, who wife's BF's daughter apparently does not like, asked our son to be her date for the party and he agreed. They are doing a pretty dope couple's costume. This has really pissed off my wife because she thinks he should, at least, not go to the party with another girl out of respect.
I think that is ridiculous. I plan on driving them to the party with me. My wife now does not want to go to the party and is saying I am an AH and raising our son to be one. So, AITA?
NagaApi8888 said:
NTA. Tell your wife consent goes both ways. What if it had been a boy harassing her BF's daughter for two years? Would she still push for the daughter to give that boy a chance, or to defend that boy, or force her not to go to a party with another boy 'out of respect'?! She and the BF are perpetuating some pretty damaging behaviors in the BF's daughter!
Ok_Childhood_9774 said:
NTA, and your wife is being utterly ridiculous. She's basically telling your son that he can date her best friend's daughter or no one! The girl was bullied because of her own actions, not anything your son did. Keep sticking up for your son-- I have a feeling he's going to need your support!
Cute-Profession9983 said:
NTA The sad thing is the BFF and wife have probably been filling this poor girl's head with fantasies and are mad that he won't just play along.
rigbysgirl13 said:
NTA. AT ALL. How much have the two mothers been pouring crap into her ears? Because if a teenage boy was continuing to pursue a girl who had repeatedly told him she was not interested, we'd be calling him a stalker, wouldn't we? We'd be talking about how rejection hurts but must be dealt with in Life.
I feel like the two moms have fueled this, and now the poor girl has embarrassed herself and has to cope with it. I feel badly for her, because wow, that's gotta hurt, but you son did nothing wrong. It might be cool of him to tell the bullies to back off.
Imaginary-Yak-6487 said:
NTA. Your son has a mind of his own & can choose to date or not date, or be friends with who he wants. It’s pretty gross that both moms are pushing this.
PenNameNeeded said:
NTA - Your wife and her BF probably have some sort of fantasy about uniting he families and expected your son to just fit into it. Not only has he been upfront avot having no romantic interest in this girl, your wife's only damaging her relationship with your son, and the longer she does it the worst the damage will be.
I'm almost NC with my own mother for trying to pull something like this years ago and let me tell you, If you don't stand by your son you'll lose his trust too.