This past weekend, I 23M and my girlfriend “Julie” 24F took a weekend trip. We’re both students so we had to budget where we could, so we bought basic economy tickets and just took whatever seats they assigned us. They were both middle seats, which was expected, but when we boarded the plane home, it was obvious that one seat was much better than the other.
Julie was assigned to a seat between a very large man who was spilling into her seat, and a woman on her other side who wasn’t as huge but was still quite big. My seat was next to two medium-sized people. The thing is, I’m pretty big–6’5” and 220 with broad shoulders.
Julie isn’t tiny herself–she’s 5’10 and 165–but obviously she’s much smaller than me. Julie immediately asked if we could switch seats, to which I said no. I knew Julie would be uncomfortable in the seats, but I don’t even think I could fit between the passengers on either side of her. After some arguing back and forth, Julie sighed and went to her seat.
I thought it wasn’t a big deal, but Julie was very cold to me when we landed. I offered to get us dinner on the way out, but she said her back hurt from the flight and she wanted to lay down. I got the hint that she was upset about the seating arrangement.
I told her it wasn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things and it was only a 2 hour flight, and that it’s better her than me because she’s smaller. She told me to drop it and just drive her home. That night, I went to hang out with some of our mutual friends (Julie had originally planned on coming with too, but she did not come). They asked where Julie was and I told her she was upset with me.
When I told them why, the general consensus was that I should have switched seats with her because it was the chivalrous thing to do, though some people agreed Julie was overreacting. They said it wasn’t about who was bigger, it was about me protecting my girlfriend. Now I kinda feel like a d and like I should apologize. Was I wrong for not switching seats with Julie?
savannahkellen said:
NTA. It was a randomly assigned seat, her life was not in danger, you were not objectively better suited to fit in there. She can be upset that you're not "chivalry above all" if that's what she's looking for but you could also ask why she'd think that you deserve to be put in that situation instead.
The "being super caring and supportive" stuff that people are bringing up should go both ways, no? If this was presented as "AITA for being upset that my girlfriend forced me to swap seats with her even though it was randomly assigned to her and I'd be equally or more uncomfortable?" - I don't think anyone would say that you're the ahole, so...
TransitionCute6889 said:
You weren’t wrong for not switching seats but YTA for dismissing her feelings and saying it wasn’t a big deal because it was only two hours. You knew it was a big deal which is why you didn’t take the seat. You should at least apologize for dismissing her feelings on the situation.
flaming_crisis said:
YTA Not for not switching seats, but for CREATING a problem. Did I miss the part where Julie actually said that she's upset with you? It sounds like she had a rough flight, she was tired and when she told you that her back hurt, you told her that "it's not a big deal and better you than me."
You don't even try to empathize, you just make her situation all about you, and she would be 100% justified for being mad about that little gem there, but she wasn't, she just asked you to drop it. Instead of doing so, you've gone around to all your mutual friends talking sh$t, haven't you?
When your friends asked where she was, you could've just explained that she had a rough flight and was resting, but instead you told them about an issue she ALREADY ASKED YOU TO DROP. So now you've created this whole problem in your head, while all I can see is that Julie had a bad flight and wanted to rest afterwards instead of going out.
Fine-Bit-7537 said:
YTA for lecturing her after the flight that it “wasn’t a big deal” and then bringing it up to your friends so they could all decide whether her feelings were reasonable. Let the woman be grumpy about a bad experience in peace. As for giving up the seat…of course you’re not obliged to.
But my husband and I would have each tried to convince the other person to take the more comfortable seat, rather than each trying to take it for ourselves. In our entire 7 year relationship, my husband has never once put his own comfort above mine.
I gladly make sacrifices for him too. She asked you to make a sacrifice for her, and you said no, and that’s your right, but it’s certainly unattractive and you should be aware that she can find someone less selfish.
martinis00 said:
YTA. You actually told her was "better you than me"? And asked why she's pissed? I don't think many women want to be in contact with a random guy touching them entire flight. And it was "only 2 hours."
Junior_Wrap_2896 said:
YTA. Many have already stated why, but to repeat -- you were dismissive in the moment and you whined to your mutual friends behind her back. Grow up.
RivSilver said:
NTA, that isn't a situation she needs protecting from. You're right, she's smaller and you probably wouldn't have even fit. What was her plan, to sit in your seat and make you stand the whole flight? Yeah, it was a really sucky situation all around, and I understand her being upset and frustrated, but the proper target of those feelings is the airline, not you.