'AITA for not babysitting my sister's kids anymore?'
"AITA for not babysitting my sister's kids anymore?"
I (27m) made some accidental good financial decisions years ago that have put me in a position where I can mostly do what I love - mess with all kinds of electronics, play videogames a lot, etc. I'm a huge nerd. I own a small electronics/computer shop where I fix customers' devices, sell general computer stuff, and other small electronics. I live in the same building.
I don't spend all my time in the shop. I have two workers who work in shifts, and I work when I feel like it or when they need help. I also cover for them when they need a vacation or sick days.
I have a sister, Jane (34f), who has three kids: Mary (14f), Julia (6f), and Jack (4m). As I'm the only one with basically "unlimited free time to watch the younger kids" (Mary doesn't need to be watched anymore, but she often hangs out in my shop anyway), I step in every time the kids are sick or my sister is on a business trip and after COVID, with kids being sent home for every tiny cough and sneeze.
What happened? My grandmother had her 80th birthday, and everyone was invited, including relatives I don't remember ever seeing before. My sister and I were sitting close to each other when suddenly, one old lady (who was maybe my grandmother's cousin or something) started asking everyone what they do.
I mentioned that I run a small business, and out of nowhere, my sister said, "Yeah, by running a business he means being very lazy and sleeping until noon, sometimes chilling out in the store and playing videogames or watching movies all day while some of us had to work hard for our success!" It's technically true—she studied her whole life while I went to trade school and got lucky with a few business decisions.
But I felt kind of hurt that she forgot that for her to get all that education, others had to watch her kids. So, I replied, "Oh, don't forget that I'm also a full-time free babysitter, but I decided to quit and focus on being lazy!"
She didn't say anything more, didn't take me seriously either. A week later, I got a phone call in the morning that Jack had thrown up a few times at night. She said she would bring him to my place, and I replied, "Don't you forget that I quit because I'm way too lazy to watch the kids," and ended the call.
I went back to bed. When I woke up later, there were multiple messages from my sister telling me that I'm a selfish a%#$ole and I act like I'm the center of the world. I replied politely, "Sorry you feel that way."
Later, my mother called and told me that I had put my sister in a really tough position because she (mom) can't take days off from the hospital at such short notice, and Jane has nobody else to watch the kids!
Am I the a$%^ole for not watching them? I'm not hurt because of the "truth"; I know I'm lazy. It hurt that she acted like watching her kids meant nothing.
Here are the top comments from the post:
Does she know she caused offense? Or did she before brother refused to watch the sick kiddo?
smellycatandthebat OP responded:
Ofcourse she knows, she is not stupid. Her ego is just so big that she can't admit she did something wrong. We have always just existed in each other life, so it is not anything other than me babysitting really changed, not all brothers and sisters are really friends.
Me and my sister have no "inside jokes", and the old lady would not understand it even if there was Also - the part "I had to work hard in life" does not sound that funny, nobody was laughing. After I said what I said the old lady was shocked, it was kinda awkward and she left to talk with other people.
When she called, she had every possibility to say "oh sorry bro, I was kidding" - she did not, I have seen her multiple times, she has not. Also my mother has talked with her, I have talked with my mother, she clearly told what she is thinking about me.
kurokomainu says:
NTA (Not the A%^&ole). Your sister ruined a very good situation she had by sh%^@ing all over you in front of everyone for no good reason. Now she has to deal with the consequences of her own actions.
The core issue here is the utter lack of respect. Don't back down or she will see that she can get away with anything -- she will lose all respect for you and be more contemptuous of you than ever. Giving in would not result in you being more appreciated. It's sad, but that's the way it is.
Amar_Akbar_Anthony20 says:
NTA, "that I put my sister in really tough position as she (mom) can't take days off from hospital in such short notice either and Jane has nobody to watch the kids!" Should have thought about that before she decided to unleash what she really thinks of you. Not your problem.
C_Majuscula says:
NTA. She can hire a sitter like the vast majority of other parents. Too bad all her education and hard work didn’t teach her not to look a gift horse in the mouth.
plasmaexchange says:
NTA. INFO: Where's the father of the children?
OP responded:
Father for the 1. is nowhere to be found, father for 2. and 3. is a truck driver, so he is at home only on weekends and sometimes even every other weekend.
PandaLand447 says:
NTA. Other than her being completely disrespectful for how helpful you are with her kids, you have your own life to live how you like and her kids are not your problem. She can't expect you to be a permanent free childcare option who's on call 24/7, and needs to handle things like every other parent.
What do you think? Is OP wrong to not babysit his sister's kids?