Teen refuses to give cousin his birthday money, 'not my problem she had no plan after child support ended!' AITA?
Am I responsible for my aunt's poor financial choices:?
Reasonable-Can-2494 writes:
Next month I'll turn 20, and I'm planning a trip with my parents for the occasion. I casually mentioned this to my cousin, Roma, on our way home from college last Friday when she asked about my birthday plans.
She relayed this to her mom, and my aunt (her mom) called mine to scold me, saying it was wrong to flaunt what I have to her daughter when they're going through a tough time nearing Roma's birthday.
In reality, I wasn't flaunting anything; I simply answered her question. Plus, we didn't know about their situation until then. My mom tried to explain, but my aunt started insulting us (she had the phone on speaker), saying she was fed up: my parents for making her daughter feel bad, me for being a show-off.
My mom got upset and reminded her (in the same tone) that they could afford more because she worked hard before meeting my dad and didn't rely on child support. My aunt didn't respond and just passed the phone to Roma.
Roma started crying while talking to my mom. She said she was emotionally distressed because her dad threatened to cut off child support (in my country, it's mandatory to support a child until they turn 21), and they didn't know what to do, so they asked if my mom could help them as a birthday gift.
In other words, she asked my mom for the trip money. My mom told her to talk to me about it. She handed me the phone and I said, "For 22 years, your mom hasn't worked. She should have realized that child support would end eventually. I'm sorry, but my parents worked extra hours to save up for this trip, and I can't give away their hard-earned money because your mom should have thought about it when you were 17."
Roma insulted me, wished something bad to happen to me on my birthday, then hung up. My parents supported my decision because I didn't lie about anything. They put in a lot of effort to surprise me, and I can't throw it away because a 45-year-old woman just realized that should get a job since her ex-partner has other children to support.
I've repeated this to all my relatives, when my maternal family started calling and asking me what happened. No matter how much I explain they call me insensitive for not considering that my cousin isn't as lucky as me and keeps insisting that I still have time to give the money to Roma. But I won't, and I don't think I should. So, AITA for not giving my cousin the money for my birthday trip?
Here are the top comments:
Tangerine_Bouquet says:
WTH? There is no possible way that your entitled aunt and cousin have the right to demand your money--birthday or not. Roma's an AH for her jealousy and for whining to her mom about it, your aunt's an AH (it sounds like in general), and your mom's a little bit of an AH (though nowhere near as much) for not simply saying no to your aunt but making you do it in that moment.
You do not need to replace anyone's child support, or support 'children' (again, Roma is not a child chronologically) that aren't your own. Definitely NTA (Not the A%@%ole).
MrsPomMummy says:
NTA but your family sure is. First off, you didn't know about their situation and you weren't showing off. You answered her question, but couldn't know that you would hit a soft spot. Exactly what was Roma expecting when she asked about your birthday plans, if this is a sensitive topic for her?
Your aunt and your mother are honestly both TA for suddenly making Roma's childcare replacement your problem. Your aunt for asking in the first place and your mum for not immediately shutting it down.
And I'm sure Roma will be fine, now that all of your maternal family is going to offer them money. I mean if they expect you to do that, surely they will pitch in themselves sarcasm off.
Saulocias says:
Yeah, NTA by a long shot. Demanding money from someone’s trip fund and threatening them if you don’t? What did they think was going to happen?
Abstruse says:
NTA. Tell your family if they're so concerned about Roma's life, they can give her money. Funny they're so generous with your money but not with their own.
What do you think? Should OP give his cousin his money?