'AITA for not selling my house and giving my ex half?'

"AITA for not selling my house and giving my ex half?"

My ex (37M) and I (36M) were together for 16 years. We never married or had kids, but we shared finances. At the beginning of our relationship, we were pretty much 50/50 on finances unless one of us fell on hard times, and the other would step up.

We started with our own bank accounts, but then he added me onto his in 2011. In 2014, he was trying to figure out what he was going to do when he lost his job. He tried all these different ventures that didn't really work out for him.

It got to the point where I was able to claim him on my taxes as a dependent. From 2015-2019, I was carrying us; it got to the point where he stayed home, and I was working 2 jobs and going to school.

I struggled with setting boundaries and wouldn't confront him for not working. He hated his last job in 2014 to the point where he was always miserable, and he was very unpleasant to be around. I was too scared to rock the boat, so I just took it (My fault, I know).

In 2017, I got a job at a bank and a gym. I went back to school to get a degree in IT. While working at the bank, I was able to get my credit from 580 to 690 by 2019. In 2019, before the housing market got crazy, we decided to buy a house. We found a house we liked and went through with the purchasing process.

Since I was the one with the good credit and the job, we put the loan in my name. I came up with the down payment, closing costs, and even materials to update the home using one of my IRAs. After close, he finally got a job where he took over ownership of a business.

This company required a lot of remodeling. While he was doing all that for his business, I was remodeling the home, i.e., pulling carpet, installing new floors, painting walls, and installing new light fixtures (the house was outdated). I did all this while working and going to school.

He didn't help with remodeling the home, but that was because he spent all his time at the business remodeling it. After the house was ready for move-in, he got mad at me for something and chose not to help with the move-in.

The last 4 years in this house have been me covering all the bills, and now I was carrying the relationship. His business was failing when he took over, but he turned it around so it could sustain itself, but he is not able to pay himself a decent wage. My checks would cover all the bills while his covered food and entertainment.

Whenever something broke, it was me who fixed it. I could no longer take it and broke up with him. Now he is telling me to sell the house and give him half. He feels like I owe it to him since we have been together for 16 years.

I told him I won't because I was the one who came up with the down payment, remodeled the home, and I have been paying the mortgage on my own. Also, I don't want to move; it's my first home, it's in my name, and I paid for it. I have bank statements to prove it all. Common law marriage is not recognized in our state. Now he is saying I screwed him over in life.

OP responded to a comment:

jrm1102 says:

NTA (Not the A^@&ole) - you weren’t married, he wasn’t on the paperwork, and he barely contributed. You owe him no equity in this property. If he thinks you do, he can hire an attorney.

OP responded:

He tried to scare me with a lawyer but I got my own who told me if he does try to take me to court call him cause he would love to destroy him.

tatersprout says:

NTA. It's your home, your loan, and your deed. You supported him financially for most of the relationship and he seems to have contributed very little. It would be different if he was providing childcare or some other contribution, but that didn't happen. Walk away guilt free that you earned everything you have.

Graycat17 says:

How exactly did you screw him over? You subsidized his life for a decade. I think that’s about enough. NTA.

Horn_GoatWeed says:

NTA. I'm glad you're finally moving on from this parasite.

canadianspinster says:

NTA you subsidized him for all those years he never would have been able to get this far with the business without you putting a roof over his head.

CatahoulaBubble says:

NTA - he didn't contribute anything towards the house. He has no investment in it at all, he doesn't get to suck more life out of you. Legally you're in the clear as well.

What do you think? Should OP sell his house and give his ex half?