'AITA for not letting my niece stay in my home?'
My sister, who is 32 years old, is getting divorced, and my brother-in-law (BIL) has thrown her out of his house (which was his before they got married). It's her fault; she decided that it was a good idea to cheat on her husband with a 19-year-old.
Now she is looking for a place to stay since her money will soon run out if she continues to stay in cheap hostels.
I am a 28-year-old and the only relative who lives close to her city; it's about an hour's drive, and there are options for using public transportation. I have agreed to let her stay, but with one condition: her daughter, who is almost 9 years old, cannot step foot inside my home.
Here are my reasons:
1. She is a brat. If you don't give her something, she will break it out of spite. For instance, she once broke a snow globe I got from Rome when I was in my last year of high school because I wouldn't let her play with it.
2. She is spoiled. My sister makes her two or three meals because she frequently changes her mind about what she wants to eat. If you don't accommodate her, there will be food on the floor, and if you're lucky, it won't end up on the walls or ceiling. Thankfully, this only happened at our parents' home.
3. She is difficult to deal with. She can't wipe herself after using the bathroom because she thinks it's dirty, so my sister has to do it for her. This wouldn't be a problem if she stayed in the bathroom, but if my sister isn't there on time, she will just walk out screaming with her pants down, sometimes leaving a mess behind. It's not a pretty picture.
These are the main reasons, but I can provide more examples if needed. And before anyone asks, she's perfectly healthy; my sister has raised her this way, treating her like her little angel.
My sister is obviously upset with me for refusing to house her little angel. She says that she is a normal child, and I would know if I had children. She believes that separating a mother from her child is the cruelest thing I could do and that it would look like she abandoned her if she does that and so on.
I don't care. With how expensive things are, I don't have the money to replace windows, and to be frank, I think my niece would be better off with her father for a while. He might be able to parent her now.
Our parents want me to take both of them in and say that they are disappointed with me. They wanted to take them in, but they live four hours away, and there is no way that my BIL would allow them to move her that far away.
Edit: It seems that I wasn't clear, I apologize. My niece is staying with my BIL full time until my sister can find a safe place to live, not just a hostel during the tourist season.
Here's hat people had to say to OP:
raises hand
I’m nosy and want to hear more examples of the brat.
Successful-Range-717 OP responded:
She threw her iphone (I haven't owned an iphone but an 8-year-old does) throw a window because it wasn't pink.
She "ran away"from home because BIL didn't let her use his laptop. She went to the nearby playground.
Wanting to play with a lit fireplace.
She doesn't have any friend because "she is special" as my sister says, I would use the word dictator.
Magician_In_Black says:
OK, I don't have kids, but I have nieces and nephews. Isn't the toilet thing serious. How did she go to kindergarten? This is so messed up. NTA (Not the A%$^%le), but your sister is.
VictoryWeaver says:
NTA, there is no reason the daughter cannot stay with her father. Though I find the idea of a nine year old who cannot clean themselves suspect. Are they homeschooled?
Successful-Range-717 OP responded:
No she goes to school. There were problems when she was in preschool, but she managed to finish it. Her behaviour has been a problem in school now, but from what I understand she doesn't go to the toilet in school so that at least hasn't been a problem
catskilkid says:
NTA. It's your home and the situation your sister is in is apparently her own fault. Somehow you are expected to be the adult. You have no obligation to undergo this treatment. It seems strange that your niece has not gotten therapy, but that will now be an issue for her father (because it does not seem like its a concern of her mother/your sister).
Successful-Range-717 OP responded:
She doesn't need therapy. She needs someone that would actually parent her, which isn't my sister.
She does need therapy. Not for being a spoiled brat. But for the fact that her dad threw her mother out of the house (has he also thrown your niece out) and that her mother cheated on her dad with someone 2 times her own age.
Successful-Range-717 OP responded:
She is with him until my sister can find a safe place to stay, but she can't afford rent + living expenses on her salary
[deleted]
NTA. However, I think the answer should be that neither of them move in.
If you let her move in then she may be really hard to get rid of.
Successful-Range-717 OP responded:
O, that wouldn't be a problem. We aren't from the US so I can kick her out and there would be nothing she could do. That is why I was willing to let her stay with me. She would have been on he best behaviour, but she definitely wouldn't stop my niece from being a brat