AITA

<p>Losing a loved one is a terrible thing. Processing your grief, sorting their affairs, and reestablishing your life are important. Sorting their affairs may not be the easiest. How many of their promises are you willing to inherit?</p><h2>On a <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11ldurk/aita_for_not_keeping_my_wifes_promise_to_take/" target="_blank">popular Reddit thread</a> in the Am I the A**hole Subreddit a man refuses to uphold his wife&#39;s promise to her parents to care for them in her old age.</h2><p>He writes:</p><blockquote> <p>My wife passed away three years ago in a car accident. I am now a single father to our three kids (11, 8, &amp; 5). It has been incredibly difficult providing for them by myself, but they&#39;ve never wanted for anything a day in their life. They are happy, healthy, and thriving thanks to therapy and a good support system.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>In my wife&#39;s culture, it is customary for children to care for their parents in their old age. Her parents very much expected this of her. My wife talked to me extensively about this before and during our marriage. We fought about it a lot because I felt we should focus on our kids and do everything possible to give them a good life. My wife wanted to house her parents in our home, but I disagreed for multiple reasons, such as cost and lack of living space.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>We eventually agreed to help them pay for a condo or other living arrangements but not house them. Sadly, we never got to figure out exactly how that would work. Her parents, her mom specifically, took my wife&#39;s death hard and fell into depression. She became a recluse, and neither she nor my FIL has been involved in our lives since my wife&#39;s death.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>However, my FIL recently retired and contacted me about honoring my wife&#39;s promise to help care for them in their old age. I flat-out told him that I could not honor that promise. He got upset and told me that this was something his daughter had promised him and his wife, and as her husband, it is now my responsibility to keep that promise.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>I told him I have three kids to provide for, and I do not have the time, energy, or money to provide for two more people. He told me I was disgracing my wife&#39;s honor and memory and that he knew it was a mistake for her to marry outside of her culture.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>He called me again a few days later and tried to apologize for what he had said. He told me that he acted irrationally and was sure we could work something out that would benefit everyone. I asked him what he meant by that, and he said that he and his wife could come live with us so that I could help with the kids and still honor my wife&#39;s promise to her parents. I again flat-out told him no. I told him I&#39;d managed fine the past three years without their help and would continue to do fine. I told him his proposal was only beneficial to them, not to me in any way.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>He again tried to tell me that I needed to do this to honor his daughter&#39;s memory as this was something that she promised to him and his wife. I told him that, sadly, that promise died with his daughter. He said something to me in his native language that I&#39;m assuming was not a compliment from his tone and hung up on me.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>They have been minimally involved in our lives since my wife passed away. Their needs are so far down my priority list. But I&#39;m torn because I hate feeling like I&#39;m letting my wife down in any way, even if she&#39;s not here anymore.</p> </blockquote><p>The internet will settle cross-culture disputes.</p><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/SensitiveSirs/">SensitiveSirs</a> says:</p><blockquote> <p>NTA (Not the A**hole) You cannot create money, time, or resources out of thin air. Do not let him guilt trip you.</p> </blockquote><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Majestic-Web-3570/">Majestic-Web-3570</a> says:</p><blockquote> <p>As someone in a similar situation, your priorities are your child and yourself. You matter. Your needs matter. You are categorically NTA. They abandoned their daughter&rsquo;s children for three years. They&rsquo;ve only resurfaced because they want something from you. Truly, you&rsquo;re NTA. Don&rsquo;t feel bad for one more second. Care for yourself and your family. I wish you all the best. I&rsquo;m so sorry for your loss.&#39;</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/ParsimoniousSalad/">ParsimoniousSalad</a> says:</p><blockquote> <p>NTA. Odd that he didn&#39;t take this up with you until after he made the choice to retire and stop supporting himself. Apparently it also didn&#39;t occur to him that you had only one income rather than the two you might have had to try to take care of more than just your immediate family.</p> </blockquote><p>Sorry for your loss, OP. You should focus on taking care of your kids.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Man refuses to take care of in-laws after wife passes, FIL calls him a disgrace.

Losing a loved one is a terrible thing. Processing your grief, sorting their affairs, and reestablishing your life are important. Sorting their affairs may not be the easiest. How many of their promises are you willing to inherit?On a popular Reddit thread in the Am I the A**hole Subreddit a man refuses to uphold his wife&#39;s promise to her parents to care for them in her old age.He writes: My wife passed away three years ago in a car accident. I am now a single father to our three kids (11, 8, &amp; 5). It has been incredibly difficult providing for them by myself, but they&#39;ve never wanted for anything a day in their life. They are happy, healthy, and thriving thanks to therapy and a good support system.  In my wife&#39;s culture, it is customary for children to care for their parents in their old age. Her parents very much expected this of her. My wife talked to me extensively about this before and during our marriage. We fought about it a lot because I felt we should focus on our kids and do everything possible to give them a good life. My wife wanted to house her parents in our home, but I disagreed for multiple reasons, such as cost and lack of living space.  We eventually agreed to help them pay for a condo or other living arrangements but not house them. Sadly, we never got to figure out exactly how that would work. Her parents, her mom specifically, took my wife&#39;s death hard and fell into depression. She became a recluse, and neither she nor my FIL has been involved in our lives since my wife&#39;s death.  However, my FIL recently retired and contacted me about honoring my wife&#39;s promise to help care for them in their old age. I flat-out told him that I could not honor that promise. He got upset and told me that this was something his daughter had promised him and his wife, and as her husband, it is now my responsibility to keep that promise.  I told him I have three kids to provide for, and I do not have the time, energy, or money to provide for two more people. He told me I was disgracing my wife&#39;s honor and memory and that he knew it was a mistake for her to marry outside of her culture.  He called me again a few days later and tried to apologize for what he had said. He told me that he acted irrationally and was sure we could work something out that would benefit everyone. I asked him what he meant by that, and he said that he and his wife could come live with us so that I could help with the kids and still honor my wife&#39;s promise to her parents. I again flat-out told him no. I told him I&#39;d managed fine the past three years without their help and would continue to do fine. I told him his proposal was only beneficial to them, not to me in any way.  He again tried to tell me that I needed to do this to honor his daughter&#39;s memory as this was something that she promised to him and his wife. I told him that, sadly, that promise died with his daughter. He said something to me in his native language that I&#39;m assuming was not a compliment from his tone and hung up on me.  They have been minimally involved in our lives since my wife passed away. Their needs are so far down my priority list. But I&#39;m torn because I hate feeling like I&#39;m letting my wife down in any way, even if she&#39;s not here anymore. The internet will settle cross-culture disputes.SensitiveSirs says: NTA (Not the A**hole) You cannot create money, time, or resources out of thin air. Do not let him guilt trip you. Majestic-Web-3570 says: As someone in a similar situation, your priorities are your child and yourself. You matter. Your needs matter. You are categorically NTA. They abandoned their daughter&rsquo;s children for three years. They&rsquo;ve only resurfaced because they want something from you. Truly, you&rsquo;re NTA. Don&rsquo;t feel bad for one more second. Care for yourself and your family. I wish you all the best. I&rsquo;m so sorry for your loss.&#39; ParsimoniousSalad says: NTA. Odd that he didn&#39;t take this up with you until after he made the choice to retire and stop supporting himself. Apparently it also didn&#39;t occur to him that you had only one income rather than the two you might have had to try to take care of more than just your immediate family. Sorry for your loss, OP. You should focus on taking care of your kids.

Losing a loved one is a terrible thing. Processing your grief, sorting their affairs, and reestablishing your life are important. Sorting their affairs may not be the easiest. How many of their promises are you willing to inherit?  On a...