Man refuses to walk sister down the aisle; 'I know dad is gone, but you disrespected my wife!' AITA? MAJOR UPDATE
When this man is disgusted with his sister's behavior leading up to her wedding, he asks the internet:
"AITA for refusing the opportunity to walk my sister down the aisle after what she did to my wife?"
My father passed away when I (m26) was 22 and my sister (f29) was 25. With this in mind, my sister, after getting engaged, asked me if I would do the honor of walking her down the aisle. At first I was elated and so I enthusiastically agreed. Then things quickly changed after my sister realized that my wife was pregnant.
In the proceeding months my sister made my wife's life hell (who initially had been one of her bridesmaids, but was relatively recently informed that she will not be one). Originally it was fine but as my wife's pregnancy became visible, my sister would at times taunt her and make rude comments towards her.
During her bachelorette party (just a few days ago), she even yelled at her because she was ruining her fun by being too distracting and "not-drinking" (I kid you not). The ensuing onslaught resulted in my wife being removed as one of her bridesmaids.
She even left my PREGNANT wife on the side of the road as my sister made her way to a party planned, in part, by my wife and in a limosine paid for by me.
This coupled with the fact that she had asked me recently to ask my wife to stay at home, "because her pregnancy will take attention away from her on her special day", just broke me.
I called her up yesterday, after I found out what she said to my wife, and I told her that I will not be attending the wedding and that she will have to find someone else to walk her down the aisle.
That's when the calls began. Everyone has been calling me, telling me that I am overreacting and that I am intentionally trying to sabotage her wedding. She even called to yell at me, and told me she had always hated "that b" while referring to my wife. I told her to f off ofc.
My mother has been extremely sympathetic towards my wife and she agrees with me. My wife has been crying over this and she has herself received an onslaught of messages.
I blocked all my relatives (except my mother ofc) and am planning a trip to Disneyland for my wife and I on the day of my sister's wedding (as I already booked the days off from work and Disney is where my wife and I went on our first date, when we lived in LA). This news has started its own onslaught. Nevertheless AITA?
Before we give you OP's updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:
ggripe65 writes:
The most striking factor of what you've offered for judgement, in my opinion anyway, is that if more husbands (and wives) supported and stood beside their spouses the way you've done for yours, especially against family members as toxic as these you've described here...
divorce rates would significantly decrease and families would invariably be healthier for generations to come. It is refreshing to see how much you love, prioritize and protect your wife (and consequently your marriage and growing family). You totally rock!
You've created wise, respectable and necessary boundaries and made an excellent decision for your future happiness and marital success.
Enjoy your time at Disney! May your travels be safe, your minds at ease and your pleasure complete as you abstain from what promises to be the Circus of Mayhem and opt for building treasured memories together with your wife. NTA.
greeeek6 writes:
YTA. Your sister has been mentally abusing your pregnant wife she abandoned your wife and unborn child at the side of the road while she drove off in a limo you paid for. You need to send her the bill for the limo.
You should warn her husband to be of her actions, especially if he has sisters, as she may one day treat them as she has your wife.
You need to go no contact with your sister even if she gets on her knees to apologise to your wife do not attend her wedding. I am sure your father would be ashamed of her behaviour.
If something had happened to your wifebor unborn child after she was abandoned on the side of the road, would you still want her in your life? Make sure everyone knows what she did, especially if she's been telling a different story.
And make sure you look after your wife. None of this is her fault, and her being distressed by the actions of others is not good for her or the baby.
If at some point you do forgive your sister never leave her alone with your child she never gets to baby sit and if she ever asks why, ask her why would you trust someone who abandoned a pregnant woman at the side of the road to look after your child.
internalhome6 writes:
NTA. Frankly, your wife is a saint for tolerating all this mean girl nonsense for so long. I love that you are treating her to a special day, you can make it your baby moon. As for your sister, she made her mess and she’s gotta live with it.
Does she honestly expect you to overlook and forgive her for treating your pregnant wife like garbage, dumping her on the side of the road? Her bridesmaids all think this is ok? Sounds like sis has always been the queen mean girl, otherwise the bridesmaids wouldn’t join in the bullying.
Block‘‘em all, return the wedding gift, remind mom she and dad raised you to be a good and loyal husband, enjoy the Happiest Place on Earth. Congratulations on your growing family!
oppositehand writes:
NTA. After reading your post, you come off as a sensible and fair human. You're being fair to your pregnant wife, who has already been at your sister's receiving end.
I'm sure you've been an amazing brother all your life and you expect some level of decency from your sibling, who clearly lacks respect not only towards your wife, but your unborn child.
If she wants you to walk her down the aisle, she has to earn not only yours, but your wife's respect back. Have you spoken your heart out to your mum? If not, why don't you ask your mum to discuss your absence with your sister? You're gonna be a dad soon, make new memories with your wifey, without any kind of stress & drama, you guys deserve it!
jklol writes:
NTA. I'm not sure what makes your sister think that you are going to attend this event and even be a part of it when your wife has been uninvited for nothing other than being pregnant.
Having a wedding is a special event and there are steps you can take to make sure you are happy on your wedding day but that doesn't mean that you can treat others less than human beings.
When I planned my wedding I wanted all of the people I cared about to be there and I wasn't worried about being "upstaged" because to me it wasn't just about me but spending this magical day with the people I love while they support me in committing the rest of my life to the person that I love.
Something about weddings makes people so awful and I will never understand it.
scarvana writes:
NTA one of my cousins was about ready to pop (8 1/2 months) at another’s wedding. The biggest problem was they had to keep adjusting her dress.
They were these beautiful black and pink ones and they ended up buying a second dress to have enough material and made a custom fitting so it was loose and airy on her. They also found some matching flats so she didn’t have to wear heels and let her sit during the ceremony.
No one gives a crap who is pregnant at a wedding the attention will always be on the couple getting married. If your sister was a nice person she’d want all her family there including your wife.
On a side note, be prepared for her attitude to completely change once the baby gets here and be overly involved in your and your babies life but expect your wife not to be around. Have a plan ready with things to say before the birth so you don’t have to think in such a stressful situation.
antiquearr writes:
Wow, she is one entitled B%#ch. Good for you and that sounds like an absolute amazing vacation for you all. Not just from your sister, but everyone else who has been abusing you both. I haven’t spoken to my sister in 6+ years, and let me tell you my life is blissful.
Because of what my sister, BIL, daughter and SIL have done to me, they have all been blocked too.
I ended up having to block most of my family and mutual friends too because they were reporting anything I did or said on social media back to them. And this was harmless stuff and pics of vacations.
I don’t post basically anything on Facebook anymore because it’s become a hotspot for narcissistic, mean people. My father is my rock, my mother quit speaking to me almost 5 years ago, and to this day, besides my sister and daughter doing something again, I have absolutely no idea why. If you haven’t already been have an amazing vacation.
You are NTA for standing up and protecting your wife. Your a good man.
And now, OP's update:
Everyone has been asking for an update so here it is. So I unblocked my relatives (who had called me to convince me to walk my sister down the aisle) and sent them the post.
Most apologized and didn't know about how poorly my sister had treated my wife. A few even cancelled going to the wedding and were appalled at the fact that my sister decided to kick my pregnant wife out of the car and leave her on the side of the road.
The groom didn't care much and said that this is a personal family matter which he shouldn't involve himself in.
My mother is attending, but she has just adopted the attitude of "once I get this done, she'll be out of my hair once and for all".
Now, as for my sister, she was none too pleased when I sent her the post. She apparently texted me a bunch (I had her blocked so I didn't receive anything). Then, this very morning, she shows up to my firm in New York (she doesn't live too far but I didn't think she'd show up to my workplace).
I sat her down and gave her a chance to explain herself (she refused to apologize). She tried to make herself seem like she was making the right decision by saying "she was just looking out for my wife and baby's health".
To which I reminded her, how she tried to bully my PREGNANT wife into doing shots (my wife didn't cave ofc). Then she tried to guilt me. Saying it our father would had disapproved of me trying to ruin her wedding if he was alive.
She said, blood is more important...which is ironic considering THIS IS ABOUT HER WEDDING. Then she got aggressive, telling me that I am "ruining her wedding" and proceeded to say horrific things about my wife.
Angered, I told her to get out of my office. And I told her to never come to my office or house again or I'd get a restraining order. She left, cursing me and my wife out. Also, we're still going to Disneyland!