Man ruins cousin's wedding, says, 'The devastation brought me deep joy.' AITA? MAJOR UPDATES.

When this man purposefully ruins his cousin's wedding, he asks Reddit:

"I purposefully ruined my cousin's wedding and it's brought me a lot of happiness? AITA?"

I once looked up to my cousin. I thought he was a great guy, and we were close like brothers. I was also dating a girl, I was deeply in love with her and planned to marry her someday. I thought my life was perfect.

One day I came home early because a colleague offered to cover my shift. I was pretty tired so I accepted and went home. Arriving home, I found them in my bed, having sex. Both of them were shocked to say the least.

I told them I wanted them to be gone by the time I got back and left the house. They were gone by the time I did get back but she left me a note telling me she was sorry and to call her when I'd calmed down. I didn't call her. I text her saying that I'd gather her things and drop them off at Cousin's in a few days and that she's staying with him now, not me.

I followed through with that. It took about a week to transfer everything. Both of them tried to apologise and but I didn't have anything nice to say to them so I said nothing. I just knocked the door and handed the bags to whoever answered before leaving.

My cousin called me multiple times to try to apologise but I refused to accept it. Three years have passed since then. I went no contact with them. I didn't bring it up to the rest of my family or any of their friends, I'm not sure why.

I just didn't. I got a call from a number I didn't recognise so I answered. It was my cousin. He sounded really happy and was acting like he hadn't destroyed my life. He explained he and my ex were getting married and he wanted me to be his best man.

I was so angry that he had the utter gall to act like nothing was wrong and lost my temper. I yelled at him and called him names before hanging up. He sent me a text telling me the offer still stood and if I didn't want to be his best man then he just simply wouldn't have one.

A few days passed by and I had an idea. I texted him back and apologised. I sent a paragraph of bullshit saying I was still angry but this could be an opportunity for the three of us to heal and move past it.

He was overjoyed and said he'd pay for everything and he'd help me pick out a suit if I wanted, which I accepted because I sure as shit wasn't going to spend any money on his stupid wedding if I could help it.

The wedding day came. I had spent the week prior writing a speech, putting all the negative feelings that had bottled up over the years into words on paper.

The wedding was pretty good. I'm sure one of them has some nice well paying job or something because they must've spent a decent bit of money on this wedding from how nice it was. Our entire family was there, as was a decent chunk of my ex's family.

Eventually the time for my speech came. I just remember feeling really nervous as it built up to it and my voice kept faltering when I was reading it out, but I didn't and still don't care, at least I got it out.

I explained what these two horrible people had done to me. I called them the worst names I could think of and wished them the worst. Then I left. I was expecting some kind of dramatic moment from all the guests, gasps of shock and all that but there was none of that. Everyone was silent.

On my way home I got a call from my mother angrily telling me that I'd ruined the wedding and both of them were so upset and she asked me why I'd do this. I told her that they deserved it for what they'd done to me and everything I'd said in the speech was true.

She kept defending them so I swore at her and hung up. Since then I've gotten several calls and texts from others in mine and my ex's family angry I ruined the wedding. I've also received a few texts from people who were there being supportive and telling me they were there if I needed to talk.

I'm not sure if I feel better having done this, but it did bring me great catharsis when people were telling me the wedding was ruined. At least now they've felt at the very least a fraction of what they've made me feel.

Just a little edit to address some common questions: As far as I'm aware, the rest of the family wasn't aware of her cheating on me. They likely knew we were dating at some point, then we weren't.

I've learned from previous stuff that I can't rely on my family for any kind of support so I've been on low contact with them since I moved out of my parent's house which is why I didn't mention this to anyone in my family.

A lot of people are also asking for the speech transcript. I wrote it in a google doc and read it out from my phone. The delivery was kinda lackluster. I sounded like I was going to cry and tripped over my words but I managed to read it all out. It isn't verbatim what I said, but it's very close as I was reading from this as a general script.

Hello everyone. I'm not very good at public speaking so apologies in advance. It's an honour to be at this wedding, and an even greater honour to be the best man.

I was shocked that I was even invited at all since the last time I'd spoken to the bride and groom was when I'd found them fg in my own bed. was my partner at the time you see, but I don't think she got the memo that when you're dating someone you don't f their cousin in your partner's own bed.

And it wasn't like didn't know we were dating either. Who knows how long this slimy c*nt was fg her behind my back. Weeks? Months? For those unaware and I had been dating for two years.

I loved her with all my heart, and was actually saving up to get a proposal ring. Maybe if wasn't such a whore, would be giving this speech instead and I wouldn't have been struggling with mental health for three years.

Anyway, I've heard 50% of marriages end in divorce. I hope yours is a messy one. From the bottom of my heart, f you both. You ruined my life, and I will never forgive either of you. AITA?

Before we provide you with OP's update, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

mitch582 writes:

I was at a wedding where something similar happened, and this shit backfired. If you make a giant scene with your speech, they're not going to care about the contents, they'll care that you are making a scene

Your aunt/uncle are probably pissed because they spent a lot of money on the wedding and your mom is siding with them because of the money aspect. The correct shit would have been to just say no and tell your cousin he's a fucking idiot and keep them out of your life.

But now when the families think of this wedding they'll probably think about you rather than the cheating you called them out for.

Hopefully not, but thats the case for the time I witnessed it. I highly recommend therapy, shit works wonders.

heezed writes:

ill be honest, what you did is somewhat petty… I am not downplaying the fact the you were and definitely still are very hurt. It is one of the most, if not the most traitor thing that one can experience.

I am sorry to hear this happened to you. But to act like you wanted to genuinely come to terms with what happened. To dig your head in the sand (and i’m not saint here either when it comes to this), was not the right move.

Some people (those who supported you at the wedding), understood your pain, and had compassion towards you. But by and large, the general consensus was that you ruined the wedding, which in some respect you did, as they ruined your life prior. But listen man, shit happens in life, bad shit.

I would encourage you to GENUINELY seek terms on this with both your cousin and his new wife. Unless you feel you can carry the emotions, pain and grief that will linger to your grave.

What they did was not okay, it is truly truly fd up, but I think if you want to heal from this you will have to have a sitdown, first with your cousin, and then if you can stomach it, your ex. With all that being said, I absolutely don’t blame you if you can’t and/or refuse to. Lastly, I probably would never have the guts to take my own advice.

discetaccount writes:

NGL, this is just sad. "They ruined my life" seems kinda dramatic. I assume you didn't lose your job, place, friends, etc over this or you would have said as much?

It sucks, I won't say it doesn't. And what they did was shitty. But, really dude?

So you just sort of harbored this unhealthy anger for years and years, threw a temper tantrum at their wedding. They're still together, happy and now you're entire family thinks you're a dick? What did you actually gain here?

And now anyone you date that you bring around to your family will hear the story of the time OP fumbled through a revenge speech that they can easily deny happened.

plaguenurse writes:

That speech was SAVAGE. I love it and i’m really sorry that that happened to you at all. There are a lot of things in life that happen to us that we wish we could find the words to explain how much we were hurt.

I got the chance to do something similar last year when someone died and they were my abuser. It felt like heaven to get all of that pain and not hurt out of me for the first time.

It doesn’t heal all wounds, but just having the world know exactly why you’re angry sometimes the greatest thing you can give it to yourself.

crustalrose writes:

Wow, that was brutal.

What could your cousin have been thinking to invite you to the wedding, and to add insult to injury, ask you to be your best man. Did your ex and your cousin have their head up their asses these past years and presumed that you were "okay" with everything that happened. And your Mom? Yeah, I would have hung up on her too.

Just a note of advice: They're not worth ruining your mental health. You are better than that. Yeah, it felt a little better getting all that out.

However, it's time to close that door and move on. (I know, easier said than done.) Seriously, your cousin could have done you a favor. Now you have a chance for something better. Peace be with you.

And now, OP's brutally honest update:

I intend to get rid of everyone including my mother. The fact that she's siding with her brother's son over her own in all this only tells me that she doesn't love me. So I'll return the favour.

My cousin seems to be trying to repair the relationship. He seems happy to see me, as does my ex but I can tell they're still uncomfortable about the situation.

I'll speak to my counselor on our next session about what I should do regarding my family.

He's already pretty critical of them and suggested to me making plans to go no contact with my cousin and ex if they weren't showing an effort to actually help me outside of paying for therapy, since it's likely going to be a sore spot that will prevent improvement in my mental health.

My mum insists I "give them time to improve" so I've given them time. I think my next session will be time enough.

And thanks for the suggestions on vitamin supplements. I'll give them a try and see if it makes any improvements.

I haven't really asked because I don't care but what I think is happening is he's asking my mum to get me to see them.

I don't plan on being friends with them. Ever. You could hold a gun to my head and give me the choice between pulling the trigger or being friends with them and I'd choose the former.

As for if he thinks about the pain he's caused me, I don't really know. I haven't asked. I don't really care. If he does feel bad, I hope it eats him alive.

Looks like OP is NTA. But did he take things too far? What do YOU think?