Man runs DNA test on affair partner's son while she's in hospice, 'this will end my marriage.' AITA?
"I (40M) Fathered a child during an affair 12 years ago. The Mom (35F) went to hospice within the last few weeks"...
My Wife (38F, call her Carol) and I were not married yet. We were together, and I bought a house about 13 years ago. She was basically living there. We have been married 10 years. We have two boys (10, 7). Things have been fine. Just family life. I have not cheated on my wife while we were married.
A woman (35F, call her Shelly) who lives in our neighborhood, she is a friend these days. Her and her ex-husband bought a home basically around the same time. We met at various events, garage sales etc in the area.
I had the house for a year, and I lost my job. Carol was defacto living there (she was staying with me 20+ days a month, she still technically lived at home). So I decided to get my insurance and real estate license just incase I couldn't find work for an extended period of time. Shelly wasn't working either so, she kinda just tagged along and worked on getting one too.
Well over the course of 5-6 months me and Shelly were fooling around a couple times a week. Shelly became pregnant we stopped the situation. It never really occurred to us that it could be my child.
We were using protection most of the time. So about two years later Shelly and her husband spilt. He skips town, basically has had no contact. He came by during the holidays a few years back for a couple days. I understand he has no relationship with their son. He doesn't pay child support.
Shelly, Carol, and I are all friends. We haven't revisited the relationship at all. I honestly forget it ever happened. Shelly ended up using her insurance license and real estate license. She makes ends meet. I didn't need it. I found a job working local school district Teaching and coaching some after school sports. Carol is Veterinary Assistant.
Shelly was diagnosed with an aggressive form ovarian cancer about 2 years ago. She fought but finally, decided to go into Hospice.
Her son, basically is like a cousin to our boys. They aren't friends. But he plays on the same teams with them, he has been on family vacations. When Shelly goes out of town, or has to work late he stays at our house.
Well upon her choosing hospice she decided to give guardianship to me and my wife, so that way we can handle his affairs, while they track down the ex-husband.
There has been an on-going joke we have 3 kids over the years. Which was always funny, but I noticed the kid is pigeon-toed, like me, and has very distinct very large front teeth that run in my family.
My wife was surprised she gave us guardianship. But her reasoning was he wouldn't have to change schools, he knows the family. So...I started getting nervous I asked Shelly is her son mine? She said she use to think no, but about 3-4 years ago she started realizing I probably was.
So we started discussing what's going to happen...Shelly said she has no interest of knowing who the father is, or telling anyone about our relationships at this point. My marriage is okay. I don't want a divorce, but I'm basically backed into a corner.
Shelly has her house, and a life insurance policy. She wants the proceeds of sale to fund his college education, and the insurance policy to help him buy a house. It's about $500K-$750K between the two, depends on some finally estate matters however.
So I get a paternity test on the Shelly's son. It came back he is mine. We have about $10K and $14K saved for our kid's college both. I am 100% sure this will end my marriage, and my newfound son could suffer financially.
I view it I have two options:
Divorce my wife, I take care of my son, and co-parent with my other two children.
Stay with my wife, say nothing. View this as a windfall to my family. Use it to fund the other siblings education, and give our family some much needed financial cushion.
WIBTAH keeping this child secret from my wife, continue living with our children? Or Tell her the truth, and go and live my life with my newfound son.
Here's what the top commenters had to say:
Ok_East8736 said:
YTA. So first of all, you're an ah for cheating. Second of all, that money doesn't not belong to you or your other kids. That is money for Shelly's son. SHELLY'S SON. Third of all, using protection "most of the time" is not effective but I figure you know that by now.
Ok_Wrangler_7940 said:
YTA of epic proportions. This child is about to be an orphan as far as he knows. I wonder if they find the “father”, if he will tell all to try to keep his “windfall." The good news here is that if this is a legal guardianship, he will not be able to misappropriate the funds.
He will be accountable for every single penny of that money. Even if he fesses up about his paternity and becomes the legal father, he will almost certainly have to have a guardianship of the child’s property as a protection to keep him from stealing his money. In short, no matter what this asshole does, the child’s money should be safe.
RealTimeTraveller420 said:
YTA, but I'm refraining from saying more since I know I cannot be civil. Everyone else will be much nicer to you
RatioNo1114 said:
YTA, are you seriously considering stealing this kids inheritance? Someone please find Shelley so she can put her assets in a trust.
No-Mango8923 said:
Shelly's money is NOT a windfall for your family! It is her son's inheritance for his college and life. YTA for even thinking that.
ScrewyYear said:
First off, YTA for cheating on your then girlfriend and never telling her. This took away her freedom to decide whether you were marriage and parent material.
Second YTA for never considering this child could possibly be yours. You didn’t always use protection, meaning there was a chance.
Third, YTA for having both women remain friends. Please, don’t try to gaslight anyone with the “I honestly forgot it ever happened”. Please, I’m sure you got a secret kick out of seeing them together.
Fourth, YTA, for wanting to enrich your family by stealing your son’s money. He’s losing his mother, she raised him as a single parent.
FIFTH, YTA for not considering telling your wife. You’re starting to notice the similarities between you and this child. The guardianship doesn’t quite make sense. What caused her divorce. Those wheels in your wife’s head are going to start turning pretty soon and she’s going to figure things out.